How To Overcome Facebook Envy

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Envy On Facebook

Facebook Envy: A painful feeling you get when you come across your friends on Facebook and realize that their lives are much more interesting, joyful and worthwhile than yours. That could stand as an urban dictionary definition of the envy that people feel on Facebook.

Facebook can spawn dangerous levels of envy in all, including you. Because you frequently compare your life with theirs, and find that others have some parts of their lives better than you. And most other Facebook users think as much same as you.

Facebook, the world’s biggest social network with over a billion users, is an unparalleled platform for social assessment. Given its reach and range, it has been the go-to place for many social scientists.
A few years back, German scientists found that watching your friends’ holidays, love-lives and business-successes on Facebook can create envy in you. Which can then set off emotions of anguish and loneliness.

A joint-research team from two German colleges, with Thomas Widjaja, Helena Wenninger and Peter Buxman from Darmstadt Technical University, and Hanna Krasnova from Humboldt University, found a widespread presence of envy on Facebook. They presented their findings in an Information Systems conference in Germany in February 2013. Their conclusions were based on two studies that involved 600 participants.

Envy on Facebook was massive, as they found. One in 3 people felt worse after going to the website, and felt more disappointed with their lives. And the participants who browsed Facebook passively had the greatest impact of this.

“From our observations many of these people will leave Facebook or at the very least reduce their use of the site,” said Krasnova to The Telegraph. This adds to the conjecture that Facebook might be reaching saturation point in a few marketplaces.

One in 3 people felt worse and more disappointed with their lives after surfing Facebook. Click To Tweet

Of the two studies, the first looked over the scale, scope and nature of envy situations provoked by Facebook. In this, the respondents got asked:

“Many users report feeling frustrated and exhausted after using Facebook. What do you think causes these feelings?”

Almost 30% felt that envy was the main reason. Envy ranked the highest in causing Facebook frustration. In fact, it ranked much higher over feelings of loneliness, loss of time and ‘lack of attention.’

The second study explored how following others people’s lives on Facebook triggered feelings of envy. What they found in this was that passive following on Facebook was negatively linked to life satisfaction. That is, the more intense their passive following, the less amount their life satisfaction.

Passive following means surfing Facebook without making any updates or interacting with others.

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No Envy On My Wall!

7 Findings From The Study On Facebook Envy

The overall findings this research threw up might end up surprising you:

  1. Facebook makes users dissatisfied and envious. One-third people felt worse and more frustrated with their lives after going to Facebook.
  2. Passive surfers on Facebook felt the greatest dissatisfaction among all its users. Another 2013 study by Ethan Kross and Philippe Verduyn said the same thing — that passive use of Facebook leads to people feeling less and less good over time. This was mainly due to increasing feelings of envy toward others.
  3. Envy on Facebook leads to an “envy spiral.” That is, those who felt envy often took to dressing up their timelines with pictures and statuses that will further make others envious.
  4. Vacation images were the most common cause of animosity on Facebook, as the researchers conclusively found. Holiday shots sparked more than 55% of the envy incidents on Facebook.
  5. A comparison of social interaction was the second most typical reason for envy. The users compared how many birthday greetings they received against their Facebook friends. And counted how many Likes or remarks they gathered on their images and posts.
  6. The third most frequent cause of envy was the “happiness of others.” Men, specifically those in their mid-30s, were more than likely to envy the happiness of others. The researchers guessed that this was because the men tended to post more self-promotional stuff on Facebook  —  to let people know of their achievements and portray themselves in a better light.
  7. Simultaneously, the women were more prone to envy the physical attractiveness — looks and beauty — of their Facebook friends. The reason was that women tended to post more content on their walls that emphasized good looks and happier social lives, so this was a ready point of reference among them.

Kross and Verduyn (other study) found that the more people used Facebook at a certain time, the worse they felt the next time. And, the more they used Facebook over a given period, the more their life satisfaction levels fell during that period.

Just think: Facebook was devised to raise people’s happiness levels by making social interactions easy. But in truth it does just the reverse. Envy on Facebook in its ubiquitous presence sabotages the life satisfaction of users.

Envy ranked the highest factor in causing Facebook frustration. Click To Tweet

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4 Simple Ways To Overcome Facebook Envy

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. It will always be. That’s human. And that’s what causes envy. It’s hard to shed the feeling. But we can try to overcome Facebook envy using these 4 hacks:

Here are 4 simple ways to get better of your Facebook envy:

  1. Realize their lives have frustrations too. Facebook is the case of what you see is not what there is. Know that people post their best sides there. Facebook is a playground for the narcissist within us. Facebook fuels middle-aged adults’ narcissistic tendencies. You don’t post your down-in-the-dumps statuses often, so why should they? Scratch the surface. Underneath, their lives probably have nearly as many dark spots as yours.
  2. Pass over their holiday pictures discreetly. Understand, for God’s sake, that they are on a holiday and you are not. In all probability, you are watching those pictures from inside your daily routine. Shots of your friends holidaying in picturesque places on earth are the biggest cause of Facebook frustration and envy. Don’t flip through them. And if possible, don’t even acknowledge them.
  3. Take occasional breaks from Facebook. Go on a social media detox. And remember to not be passive in following them from under the covers while on your detox. It would do more harm to your happiness. Rinse and repeat as often as you can: Do not passively follow others on Facebook. At least hit the Like button.
  4.  Stop comparing your life with others in general. Then carry over this change of attitude to your Facebook. Social comparisons with those who appear better off will cause you envy, and make you unhappy. Nudge yourself consciously to stay away from social comparisons. After all, comparing your whole life with the best bits of your Facebook friends will always be a self-defeating scenario.

Final Words

A team of scientists led by van de Ven from the Tilburg Institute for Behavioral Economics Research found that there can be two different types of envy:

  1. Benign, and
  2. Malicious.

The benign kind of envy can be good for you. It can propel you to learn more, perform better, and get more motivated. The second kind, malicious, is destructive; it can drag you down and take away your happiness.

So, stick to being a small bit, the benign kind of, envious by comparing with only those — on Facebook and in life — who are just marginally better than you. It will drive you do change in a positive way.

Related books:

  1. The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy
  2. ENVY: A Theory of Social Behaviour
  3. Jealousy: What It Is and Who Feels It
  4. Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness
  5. The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is As Necessary As Love And Sex

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