When in limerence, some typical thoughts going through their mind could be:
- “She is perfect in every way!”
- “I must be with her at all costs.”
- “I can’t stop thinking about him!”
- “I need him in my life to be truly happy.”
- “I just know we’re meant to be together, it’s fate.”
What is Limerence?
The term “limerence” was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. She wanted the term to describe someone’s intense feelings of infatuation and desire for another person.
Limerence is often characterized by obsessive thoughts, euphoric feelings, intense emotions, and a strong desire to be close to the object of one’s affection.
People in limerence often feel like they are on an emotional rollercoaster. Their moods fluctuate from intense feelings of infatuation and desire to helplessness and hopelessness that comes with being in love.
The Definitive Signs of Limerence Ending
Limerence can last anywhere from a few months up to two years. It typically passes through the attraction phase, the attachment phase, and the deterioration phase.
Here are the signs that limerence is ending:
1. Start to see the flaws in their crush or partner.
When people are in limerence, they often idealize their crush or partner, seeing only their good qualities and ignoring their flaws.
The final stage of limerence starts when the attachment begins to fade and the limerent person no longer sees their object of love as perfect.
As the limerence starts fading, people start to see their partner’s flaws more often and more clearly.
They may start noticing things that they didn’t before, such as annoying habits (like picking their noses) or personality traits that they find unattractive.
There may be a decrease in interest toward the limerent object and a return to one’s regular daily routine.
2. No longer feel the past level of intensity in emotions.
As limerence fades, people no longer feel the intense emotions that they once did.
Overall, they no more try to go above and beyond to please their partner. They may still feel affection for their partner, but it is no longer the all-consuming passion that they felt before.
This can be a difficult transition, as people often become addicted to the intense feelings that limerence brings.
They no longer have big changes in mood, becoming more present when together with their loved ones.
[Do you know the differences between love and limerence?]
3. Start to question their own feelings.
As the intense emotions of limerence fade, people often start to question their feelings.
They may wonder if what they felt was real or just a temporary infatuation.
This can be a difficult and confusing time, as people try to sort out their emotions and figure out what they truly feel.
As time goes by, the intense feelings often fade away, and people are left wondering if what they felt was real or just a temporary infatuation.
4. Stop being obsessed with the crush or partner.
One of the hallmarks of limerence is obsessive thoughts and behavior.
People in limerence often think about their crush or partner constantly and may engage in behavior that is not in their best interest, such as stalking or making impulsive decisions.
As limerence fades, people are no longer obsessed with their crush or partner and can think about other things.
One definite sign that limerence is ending is that the limerent partner spends less and less time with the limerent object. Instead, they choose to spend more time with their regular partner, like their spouse.
They may also feel like expressing their regret over the affair as they return to normal routines and domestic priorities.
5. Start to think about the future.
When people are in limerence, they often live in the moment, focusing only on the present and the intense feelings that they are experiencing.
However, as the limerence fades, people start to think about the future and what it holds for their relationship.
They may start to consider more practical matters, such as what type of partner would be a good fit for them the next time around.
Can limerence come back after it has ended?
Yes, it is possible for the limerence to come back after it has ended. It may especially happen if you have a history with the person you were previously limerent for. However, as always, limerence is not a sustainable state. And sooner or later, you realize that it is more worthwhile to focus on building a stable romantic relationship with healthy boundaries.
Is it possible to be in love without experiencing limerence?
Yes, it is possible to be in love without experiencing limerence. While limerence is characterized by intense, obsessive feelings, love can be a more stable and enduring emotion that is built over time.
Limerence is an emotional tornado that can make you feel on top of the world. Unfortunately, it is not a sustainable emotion. Limerence will inevitably fade. However, if you recognize the warning signs early enough, you can plan for the transition. You can safely leave the situation and learn to love normally again.
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Author Bio: Written and reviewed by Sandip Roy — a medical doctor, psychology writer, and happiness researcher, who writes on mental well-being, happiness, positive psychology, and philosophy (especially Stoicism).
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