How To Stop Being Manipulated By Others In A Debate?

Today's Friday • 11 mins read

Manipulative people try to control others. We see this in media discussions every day.

Some are worse than others. Narcissists and psychopaths excel at this game.

“Being manipulated is an integral part of the human condition. It is unavoidable and happening all around us.” — Eldar Shafir, Princeton University, 2016

Now, people hold different views. They can challenge your beliefs. That’s normal.

But manipulators flood your brain with useless details. They share conflicting information. You get stressed and mentally exhausted. You can no longer separate truth from lies.

You freeze, and start agreeing with them.

Then, skilled manipulators twist the meanings of your words and use your emotions against you.

Learn to spot their tricks. Don’t let them trick you into believing lies.

How To Stop Being Manipulated By Others In A Debate

Researchers have found that dark personalities can use emotional intelligence for malicious purposes, such as deceiving, exploiting, or harming others. These people can create a “dark intelligence” to manipulate others for their own benefit.

Here are ways to spot manipulator tricks and keep your points strong:

1. Spot the common tactics of manipulation.

Ad hominem (personal attacks): They attack you, not your idea. Example: “You’re wrong because you’re stupid.” This targets who you are rather than what you said.
Appeal to emotion (emotion tricks): They try to make you feel bad instead of letting you think clearly. Example: “Think of all the poor children who will suffer if we don’t do something”. This, coming from a tourist place charlatan asking you for a donation, is to override your brain.
Red herrings (side tracks): They change the subject. You’re talking about one thing. They bring up something else. Example: You discuss the homework policy in schools. They say, “What about that time you were late to class?” That has nothing to do with homework. Irrelevant arguments made to distract from the main point.
Straw man fallacy (fake argument): They twist your words. Usually, they distort your position into an extreme version and then argue against that extreme version. Example: You say, “We need better schools.” They respond: “So you hate all teachers?” They claim you said something that you didn’t. The “straw man” metaphor suggests that the argument is as weak as a straw figure, so it’s easy to knock down without addressing the real issue.

2. Stay calm and don’t take the bait.

If someone is trying to get you to emotionally explode in a verbal fight, do not take the bait.

Don’t give them the drama, the very thing they want.

Angry and overemotional people are more likely to make mistakes. You might blurt out things you do not normally say. The internet remembers everything.

Now they know your weakness, that you are someone who can be easily triggered. They’ll push your buttons again and again. Soon, everyone thinks you’re mean and bitter.

When they try to trigger you, focus back on the real argument. Ignore the tricks.

Stay quiet for a few seconds. Then say, “I understand you feel strongly about this. Let’s stick to the facts.”

That polite response shows you acknowledge their emotions, refuse to get dragged in, and want to keep the discussion productive.

3. Ask questions.

One of the best ways to defend yourself against manipulation is to ask questions.

When someone makes an argument, ask them to explain it. This helps you understand their position. You’ll spot flaws in their logic.

Ask for proof: “What evidence supports that?” Most manipulators can’t back up their claims.
Dig deeper: “Can you explain that part again?” Force them to repeat unclear points. The truth stays consistent. Lies get tangled.
Check the source: “Where did you learn this?” Good information has solid sources. Bad information comes from nowhere.
Test their logic: “How does A lead to B?” Make them connect their dots. Weak arguments fall apart under questioning.
Stay curious, not aggressive. Say: “Help me understand this better.” Don’t say: “You’re lying.”

Questions slow down fast talkers. They expose weak arguments. They make manipulators uncomfortable.

Keep asking until you get real answers.

5 Weaknesses of A Narcissist

4. Do your research.

Before you engage in a debate, get your ammunition by thoroughly researching the topic.

Being aware that the person will try to manipulate you is not enough. You have to arm yourself with data and facts.

In a recent study, researchers found that people are generally aware of the influence that manipulative designs can have on their online behavior. But surprisingly, being aware did not equip them to fight such influence.

This will help you to understand the topic and to develop your own arguments. It will also help you to identify any common misconceptions about the topic.

5. Be respectful.

Even if you disagree with someone, it is important to be respectful.

You don’t have to be disagreeable to disagree with someone.

A belief is a belief because it is not knowledge. And everyone is entitled to have their beliefs.

You don’t have to lose your dignity to bring down someone else’s beliefs. Disagree, but do so politely.

Maintain your dignity and be the last person to keep the debate civil and productive.

Spot it early if you start getting angry or emotional, take a step back and calm down before continuing.

6. Walk away if necessary.

Our best fights are those that we walk away from.

If you find yourself in a debate that is becoming heated or unproductive, it is okay to walk away.

There is no need to continue a debate if it is not going anywhere constructive.

There’s a famous saying by Herman Hesse, “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”

More Tips To Avoid Being Manipulated In Debates

It’s been wisely said that if you take everything personally, then you be unhappy for most of your life.

Here are some situation-specific tips to stop being manipulated by others:

How to handle someone who keeps interrupting?

Ask them to stop politely. The most direct and assertive way to handle the situation. Simply say something like, “Excuse me, I’m trying to talk. Let me finish.”
Interrupt them back. This can work well if the person is not taking your request seriously. But do so respectfully. For example, say something like, “Hold on, I’m not finished yet.”
Ignore them and continue speaking. This can be effective if the person is not worth your time or energy. Simply continue speaking, even if they are trying to interrupt you.
Walk away from the conversation. This can be the best option if the person is being rude or disrespectful. Just walk away and end the conversation.

How to act when in embarrassing situations?

Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. This can help you process your emotions and feel less alone.
Remember that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has done something embarrassing at some point in their lives. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s important to be able to laugh at yourself and to move on.
Laugh it off. If you can laugh at yourself, it will help to take the sting out of the embarrassment.

How to deal with others’ passive-aggressive tactics?

Don’t take the bait. If someone is being passive-aggressive, it’s best not to respond in kind. This will only escalate the situation. Instead, try to stay calm and ignore their behavior.
Call them out on their behavior. If the passive-aggressive behavior is persistent, you may need to call the person out on it. This can be done directly or indirectly. For example, you could say something like, “I’m not sure why you’re being so passive-aggressive, but it’s not okay.”
Ignore them. If the passive-aggressive behavior is not too serious, you can simply ignore it. This will show the person that their behavior is not getting to you.
Walk away from the situation. If the passive-aggressive behavior is making you feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to walk away from the situation. This doesn’t mean that you’re giving up or that you’re letting the person win. It simply means that you’re protecting yourself from their negative behavior.

What to do when you’ve to think fast and talk smart?

Take a deep breath to relax. When you let yourself relax, it helps clear your head of many stressful thoughts. Deep breathing helps you relax.
Pause to think before you speak. This will give you time to process your thoughts and to choose your words carefully.
Speak slowly and clearly. This will help you to be understood and to avoid misunderstandings.
Use simple language. Avoid using jargon or complex language that your audience may not understand.
Be confident. Believe in yourself and in your ability to think fast and talk smart.

How to be a good listener?

People may try to manipulate you by using your emotional triggers. To protect yourself from their triggering tactics, learn to listen actively and patiently.

Here are a few points from our post on how to be a good active listener:

Pay attention. Make eye contact, do not interrupt, and avoid distractions like your phone.
Be open-minded. Don’t judge the speaker or their ideas. Try to see things from their perspective.
Ask questions. Ask non-intrusive questions to show that you’re interested in what they have to say and that you’re trying to understand their point of view.
Summarize what you’ve heard. This helps to ensure that you’ve understood the speaker correctly and that they feel heard.
Be respectful. Even if you disagree with the speaker, be respectful of their opinion.
Be patient. It takes time to be a good listener. Don’t expect to be perfect overnight.

Jordan Belfort's tips to stop being manipulated

How to stop manipulation like Jordan Belfort?

Jordan Belfort is an American author and former stockbroker. He is best known for his memoir “The Wolf of Wall Street,” which was later adapted into a film of the same name starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

These tips from Jordan Belfort can help you stop being manipulated by others.

Mirroring:

Be aware of when someone is mirroring you. If you notice that someone is copying your body language, tone of voice, or even the words you’re using, it’s a good sign that they’re trying to manipulate you.
Don’t be afraid to break the mirroring. If you feel uncomfortable with someone mirroring you, simply change your body language or tone of voice. This will help to break the connection and make it more difficult for them to manipulate you.

The 4-second rule:

Don’t feel pressured to make a decision right away. If someone tries to pressure you into making a decision within 4 seconds, it’s a good sign that they’re trying to manipulate you.
Take some time to think about the decision before you make it. This will help you to make a more informed decision and to avoid being manipulated.

Scarcity principle:

Don’t be afraid to walk away from a deal if it’s not right for you. If someone tries to sell you something by telling you that it’s in limited supply or that it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, it’s a good sign that they’re trying to manipulate you.
Do your research and make sure that you’re getting a good deal. If you’re not sure, it’s always better to walk away than to be taken advantage of.

Authority principle:

Don’t be afraid to question authority. Just because someone is in a position of authority doesn’t mean that they’re always right. If you don’t understand something or if you think that someone is trying to manipulate you, don’t be afraid to ask questions.
Do your own research and form your own opinions. Don’t just blindly follow what someone else tells you.

Foot-in-the-door technique:

Be aware of when someone is using the foot-in-the-door technique. This is a tactic where someone starts by asking you for a small favor, and then they gradually ask for more and more favors.
Don’t be afraid to say no. If you’re not comfortable with something, don’t be afraid to say no. It’s better to say no upfront than to get sucked into something that you don’t want to do.

Final Words

Practice these tips with a friend or a partner. Let them use manipulative tactics on you so you can learn to see and handle when another person tries to manipulate you.

This is your brief: The goal of a debate is to exchange ideas and to learn from each other, and you must not deviate from that.

If someone is trying to manipulate you, they are more interested in playing you than having a real debate.

“Absorb what is useful, discard what is not, add what is uniquely your own.”
— Bruce Lee

Finally, always make sure to protect yourself from being triggered into being a version of yourself that you might regret later.

√ Also Read: How Stoicism Can Help You Control Your Anger

√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.