How Men vs. Women Define Success in Life: What Science Says

Reading time: 7 minutes

Men and women have the same ideas about what it means to be successful, right?

Wrong! Science says men and women perceive and experience success in some unique ways.

Three quick takeaways:

1. Men are appreciated not so much for earning money as for being providers, whereas women’s incomes are appreciated for what they add to the family fortunes.
2. Men lean more toward material and career achievements, while women emphasize life balance, relationships, and emotional well-being.
3. Men and women choose different career and success paths because of gender priorities and cultural expectations.

Let’s look at what studies and surveys found on how men vs. women define success differently.

What Men/Women Include In Their Success

In 1993, Working Woman magazine did a survey asking readers what made them feel successful, and found:

• Women were more likely to value time for family and friends (70% women vs. 58% men), while
• Men placed a higher emphasis on wealth (32% men vs. 21% women).

In 2006, Dyke & Murphy interviewed 40 successful people and found the same thing. Gender differences do exist in how women and men define success:

1. Women highlight the importance of life balance and relationships.
2. Men focus more on material success.

“Women who had made it to the top of the career hierarchy did not primarily define success in terms of career. Instead, a balance was critical. In contrast, the men were more likely to compartmentalize concerns for career and personal achievement from concerns about relationships.”

— Lorraine Dyke & Steven Murphy, 2006

Money and Meaning: Gendered Outlooks

Both men and women feel differently about how much money they earn, and how much money their partners earn.

Deutsch & Roksa (2003) in their paper titled “How Gender Counts When Couples Count Their Money” tell us how gender shapes the perception and experience of personal incomes:

1. Emotions From Income

• Men express stronger feelings — both positive and negative — about their incomes. They feel happier, more frustrated, more embarrassed, and prouder about their earnings than women do.
• While women generally feel more positively about their earnings despite earning less on average.

2. Appreciation/Gratitude for Earnings

• Women get more appreciation from husbands for earning money than husbands get from their wives, even though women typically earn less than men.
• The more money husbands contribute to the family income, the more they feel appreciated and valued by their wives.
• Men feel gratitude for their wives’ earnings based on the amount their wives earn, regardless of how much that adds to the family income.
• Women feel gratitude for their husbands’ earnings as per the percentage of the total family income their husbands contribute, rather than the absolute amount their husbands earn.

3. Parenting Contributions

• Women feel more appreciated for their parenting contributions than men.
• Men tend to feel more grateful for their wives’ parenting tasks than women feel for their husbands’.
• Women who do a higher portion of parenting do not receive more gratitude from their husbands, whereas men receive more gratitude when they contribute more to parenting than other men.

4. Income and Parenting Relationship

• A negative relationship exists between earning and parenting contributions. Both men and women who earn more money show less involvement in parenting, though this effect is stronger in men.
• Men are more often held accountable for their breadwinning status in the family, and less for parenting and childcare. It’s opposite for women.

5. Expectations and Responsibilities

• Men may feel negative emotions when their income is questioned, while women do not face the same scrutiny for their earnings.
• More men are becoming accepting of their wives outearning them, indicating a shift in cultural norms regarding gender and income.

5. Relationship Satisfaction

• Feeling appreciated for contributions—whether financial or caregiving—improves relationship chemistry for both partners.
• As gender roles evolve, expectations surrounding gratitude for financial contributions may also change, possibly leading to more equitable relationships.

6. Cultural and Social Influences

• Even when women earn more, they may not gain the same level of decision-making power in the family as men do.
• Women may face pressure to balance work with domestic responsibilities, affecting their career choices and income potential.
• Often, when women outearn their husbands, they still take on a larger share of domestic labor.

Life Paths of Men & Women Geniuses

The Study of Mathematically Precocious Youth followed 1,650 gifted adolescents for 40 years. They had extraordinary achievements: 30% to 39% of them earned doctorates (against 2% of the U.S. population), collectively published 85 books, 7,572 academic articles, secured 681 patents, and attracted $358 million in grants.

This is what the researchers found on how men and women pursued—and defined—career, family and success:

1. Career Paths

Men were more likely to work in STEM fields, IT, or as CEOs, while women were more likely to work in education, healthcare, or business—or were homemakers.

Both were about equally represented in fields like finance, medicine, and law.

Roughly 90% of the men worked full-time, compared to 65% of the women.

2. Income Differences

Marital status influenced men’s earnings, with married men earning significantly more than unmarried ones.

While women earned about the same whether married or not.

Men were more highly compensated than women. Men’s median income was $140,000, compared to $80,000 for women.

3. Time Allocation

Men almost overwhelmingly prioritized cultivating high-impact careers that require 50 or more hours per week, while the women defined success more broadly to include family and community investment.

Men dedicated about 11 more hours per week to career development than women (51 hours vs. 40 hours).

Nearly 100% of men expressed willingness to work 40+ hours per week to pursue their ideal careers, compared to 70% of women.

4. Priorities

Men valued full-time work, high income, and societal investment in their ideas. Women prioritized family, community service, and maintaining close relationships.

Men were more concerned with being successful in their work and felt that society should invest in them and their ideas, while women took a more communal approach to living and working. 

5. Happiness

Both men and women scored high on emotional well-being, life satisfaction, personal and career direction, and satisfaction with their relationships.

6. Family and Emotional Well-being

Both men and women overwhelmingly agreed that family was central to a meaningful life. Men emphasized tangible contributions, while women prioritized time and emotional energy.

“Men and women valued career choices, community and family somewhat differently …, yet both were equally happy with their outcomes,” noted Camilla Benbow, second researcher on the team.

Cultural Expectations From Men vs. Women

Cultural norms significantly shape how men and women define success and experience societal approval.

Riggs’ research (1997) found that:

• Men who sacrificed financial security for caregiving roles were viewed less favorably than mothers who made similar sacrifices.
• Mothers who gave up jobs to provide financial security for the family received the highest societal approval.
• Fathers who gave up jobs that had provided financial security received the lowest approval of all male target persons.

Final Words

The 1993 Working Woman survey also revealed what men and women include in success:

• Top three: having a happy family or relationship (79%), having enough time for family and friends (65%), and being in control of their lives (57%).
• Next came excelling at their jobs (42%) and wanting to be rich enough to buy what they wanted (26%).
• While 11% aspired to a high-level position at work, and 7% tied success with power or influence.

“The sad truth is that for many men, success is all that matters.” — Doyle, The Male Experience (1983)

Regardless of gender, success is a deeply personal idea that depends on three things:

• what matters most to you (personal priorities)
• what happens in your life (life circumstances)
• what others think (cultural, social, and peer norms)

√ Also Read: The Only Personal Definition of Success You’ll Ever Need!

√ Please share it with someone if you found this helpful.