Today's Thursday • 4 mins read
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.
- Why does he/she do that all the time?
- Why doesn’t he/she get what I actually want?
Relationships are beautiful things, but they are also often confusing and frustrating. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” reveals how to cut the frustration, elevate your bonding, and express love in a way that it is felt, not ignored.
Quick Summary:
“The Five Love Languages” suggests people give and receive love in five different love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Author Gary Chapman says most relationship frictions can be solved if we learn to speak to our partner in their love language, not ours. Understanding our own love language, as well as that of our partner, is key to developing a strong and healthy relationship.
Summary of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages
Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” identifies five primary ways that people give and receive love.
The five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
Those speaking this love language express and expect love through words.
Words of affirmation are spoken remarks that express gratitude, admiration, and recognition to your partner. They include words of encouragement, praise, affirmations, gratitude, and compliments.
How to reciprocate if your partner speaks the love language of words of affirmation:
- Praise their achievements.
- Compliment their appearance.
- Tell them how much you appreciate them.
- Encourage them when they’re feeling down.
- Leave sweet notes or messages for them to find.
2. Acts of Service
This love language is about showing love through actions rather than words.
So, do things for your partner if they speak this language. They would love you performing household chores, running errands, or cooking a meal, doing the laundry or the dishes, tasks that make your partner’s life easier.
Sometimes, an act of service may also mean leaving them alone (but being available).
How to show love if your partner speaks the language of acts of service:
- Cook them a meal.
- Run errands for them.
- Fix something that’s broken.
- Help them with household chores.
- Do something they dislike doing.
3. Receiving Gifts
This love language speaks through gifts.
This love language includes giving thoughtful gifts, whether big or small. By gifts, Chapman means tangible objects. It’s not about the cost or size, but rather the thought behind the gift.
Some examples include buying your partner’s favorite flowers, getting them a thoughtful gift for their birthday, or surprising them with a small token of your love.
If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, you can show love by:
- Buying them thoughtful gifts
- Surprising them with small tokens of love
- Writing heartfelt messages in cards or notes
- Remembering special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries
- Treating them to a special experience, like a date night or a weekend getaway
4. Quality Time
This love language is focused on spending time together and giving each other undivided attention.
Quality time involves spending uninterrupted time with your partner. This love language includes giving your partner your undivided attention and being present in the moment.
Learn and practice the art of Active Listening (AL).
Some examples of quality time include having meaningful conversations, simply enjoying each other’s company, going on a walk together, having a date night, or spending time chatting and reviving fond memories.
If your partner’s love language is quality time, you can show love by:
- Planning activities you both enjoy
- Making time for regular date nights
- Engaging in meaningful conversations
- Spending time together without distractions
- Giving them your undivided attention when they need it
5. Physical Touch
This love language includes using physical touch to communicate love and affection.
Physical touch involves expressing love through physical gestures like hugging, kissing, holding hands, or cuddling.
If your partner’s love language is physical touch, you can show love by:
- Cuddling on the couch
- Being intimate with them
- Kissing them affectionately
- Holding hands or giving a hug
- Offering a massage or foot rub
Buy the “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman
Final Words
Finally, the book is a bestseller but not fully accepted by the scientific community.
- Don’t assume that everyone fits neatly into one of the five love languages categories.
- Everyone is unique and may have their own way of expressing and experiencing love.
- Communicate with your partner and understand their individual preferences and needs.
In summary, Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is a valuable resource to help couples strengthen their relationship by discovering and speaking their partner’s love language.
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√ Also Read: What Does Love Mean To A Stoic: Love In Stoicism
√ Please share this if you found it helpful.