Today's Monday • 7 mins read
We all have a natural need to be with others. But some relationships need to end.
You cannot stay in a toxic relationship, afraid that “But I’ll be alone after breaking up!” So, breakups happen. And often leave you feeling floundering, sad, and lonely.
That post-breakup loneliness can bring up paradoxical urges. At one moment, you may feel like you can never meet anyone again. At another, you feel like rushing out for a rebound affair or revenge romance.
So, how do you get over these and be back to feeling normal again?
How To Deal With Loneliness After A Breakup or Divorce
After a breakup, loneliness can feed on itself:
- Doing things alone can be a constant reminder of the lost connection.
- Memories of the breakup can stir up self-blame and questions about self-worth.
- Seeing other happy couples can make you feel like your breakup was a personal failure.
Here are some ways to deal with your loneliness after a breakup:
1. Start little conversations:
You might like to stay in initially, which can then turn into a reluctance to go out at all. So first, force yourself to go out instead of ordering things in.
If interacting with people seems tough, just focus on having small talks (even a few words) with the people you meet.
Ask some questions at the grocery store or the coffee shop. If someone asks for directions, start a small talk instead of a quick answer. Join a social group to talk about common interests.
Three tips:
- Don’t overshare your personal life with a stranger.
- Know these 7 Things That You Should Never Tell People About Your Life.
- Avoid being around lonely people. Loneliness is contagious. Spending time with lonely people can make you feel more lonely.
2. Open yourself up:
Loneliness often makes people clam up. Even when they want to talk, they often stay silent.
Because either they lost touch with how to carry on a conversation, or they think people will feel burdened by their talks.
Getting rid of loneliness is also about letting go of self-criticism, guilt, and mistrust of others.
So, try to take off that protective shell the next time you meet someone new. Share your stories, thoughts, preferences, and opinions, even if they differ from others.
Allow them in, even though you don’t know what the outcome will be.
3. Write a letter to yourself:
Writing letters to yourself is a powerful way to process your feelings and rediscover your meaning in life.
Express what you’re going through, offer yourself words of encouragement, and outline some goals you’d like to accomplish in 3 to 6 months.
It’s okay to shift focus from the sadness-causing past to a positive future.
Imagine a happier version of yourself in six months or a year from now. Write that too. It will give you a sense of purpose and something to look forward to.
Your future self deserves happiness. Wanting to be happy doesn’t mean you’re trashing the good things you’ve had with that person. It means you accept things as they are and are ready to move on with self-kindness and self-love.
Revisiting these letters can fondly remind you of how far you’ve healed from your loneliness.
4. Reconnect with your hobbies and passions:
After a breakup, it’s common to feel like parts of your identity are tied to your past relationship. A great way to rediscover yourself is to dive into hobbies you enjoy or explore new interests.
Whether it’s joining a class, taking up a sport, or simply spending time on creative pursuits like writing or painting, engaging in meaningful activities can help you reconnect with yourself.
Hobbies bring fulfillment, keep your mind engaged, and can even introduce you to people with shared interests.
5. Spend some time in nature:
Nature has a calming, grounding effect and can ease feelings of loneliness. Studies show that spending time in green spaces can reduce anxiety and lift your mood.
Try taking daily walks in a local park, going for a hike, or even practicing mindfulness exercises outdoors. If you’re near a beach or mountains, take advantage of the scenery.
Nature can remind you of the world’s vastness and help you feel more at peace with your own journey.
6. Find an opportunity to volunteer:
Giving back can be a powerful antidote to loneliness.
Volunteering shifts your focus outward and surrounds you with people who share a sense of purpose. Helping others can build self-worth and give you a sense of fulfillment that counters loneliness.
Whether it’s working with animals, tutoring kids, or helping at a local food bank, volunteering offers a chance to connect while making a positive impact.
7. Rebuild your social network:
Friendships may have taken a backseat during your relationship, so now is a great time to reconnect.
Reach out to old friends, check in with family members, or make an effort to engage with colleagues.
Rebuilding social connections, even one at a time, can slowly expand your support system. Remember, many people can relate to your experience, so it’s okay to lean on those who care about you.
8. Practice daily gratitude:
Gratitude is feeling thankful for what you have, including life itself.
Practicing gratitude has proven psychological benefits. It makes you worry less, allows you to feel happy, strengthens your immune system, and betters your relationships.
Take a few moments each day to think of or write down 3–4 things you’re grateful for. Even small things like a cup of warm coffee or a call from a friend.
Gratitude gradually shifts your perspective from what’s missing to what you already have.
Over time, gratitude practice can help you feel more connected to life itself. And less alone.
“It seems the number one thing is to change your perceptions of the world around you. It’s realizing that sometimes people aren’t able to meet up with you, not because there is something inherently wrong with you, but because of other things going on in their lives.”
— Olivia Remes, a mental health researcher
What Loneliness Does After A Breakup
This study found 52% of Americans feel lonely, while 47% said their relationships are not meaningful. So, loneliness affects nearly one in two people, despite social media keeping us more connected than ever.
What does this do?
- Emotional loneliness can increase the risk of anxiety and depression.
- Social isolation is linked with heart failure and coronary artery disease.
- The impact of loneliness on mortality is similar to that of smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
Can you get over a breakup alone?
Yes, you can get over your breakup alone. It can be a better option.
It allows you time to grieve and process your emotions without people asking you to rush, judging you, or imposing their solutions on you.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of a relationship, so if you want to do it alone, it is perfectly okay. Just remember to stay in touch with some people who care about you.
It can be hard to figure out how to move forward when a relationship ends. You could learn to use the power of silence after breakups to heal and live a happier life.
Of course, it helps to get in touch with supportive people, your friends, family, or online connections.
There is no shame in seeking help if you are struggling to cope with social loneliness after a breakup.
Talk to a therapist, join a support group, or read self-help books to make a positive difference in your recovery.
√ Also Read: How To Deal With A Breakup All Alone?
√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.
