Today's Thursday • 7 mins read
We all need connection, but some relationships end. And some must end.
You can’t stay in a toxic relationship out of fear: “But I’ll be alone if I break up.” Breakups happen, and they often leave you floundering, sad, and lonely.
Post‑breakup loneliness can trigger paradoxical urges. One moment, you may think you’ll never meet anyone again; the next, you feel like rushing into a rebound affair or a revenge romance.
How do you move through those urges and return to feeling like yourself?
8 Ways To Cope With Loneliness After A Breakup or Divorce
After a breakup or divorce, loneliness can feed on itself.
- Doing things alone can be a constant reminder of the lost connection.
- Memories of the breakup can stir up self-blame and questions about self-worth.
- Seeing other happy couples can make you feel like your breakup was a personal failure.
Here are ways to handle loneliness after a breakup:
1. Start little conversations:
You may prefer to stay at home initially, which can turn into a reluctance to go out at all.
So, make yourself go out. Even brief outings help. Go to the shop instead of ordering things in.
If you think long interactions are impossible at this point, go for tiny ones. A few words with the barista, a question in the grocery aisle, a quick exchange when giving directions.
Practice simple openers to make starting easier. Learn to give a compliment, make a weather comment, or ask for a recommendation. These tiny wins gradually rebuild confidence and remind you that you can connect with others.
Join a group or class centered on one of your interests. The idea is to build low-pressure social contact.
2. Open yourself up:
Loneliness can make you clam up. Even when you want to speak, you often stay silent.
That silence comes from having lost touch with how to keep a conversation going, or from fearing you’ll burden people with your talks.
Letting go of loneliness is also about releasing self-criticism, guilt, and mistrust of others.
So, the next time you meet someone new, ease out of that protective shell. Share a story, a preference, or a small opinion, even if it differs from theirs.
Invite connection without expecting a specific outcome. Allow people in and see what grows and what goes.
Three tips:
- Don’t overshare. Don’t eagerly share your personal details and problems with anyone who invites you to open up. Ask yourself: “Will this improve the interaction?” Reserve vulnerability for trusted people.
- Don’t discuss private topics with new people. Keep intimate feelings and sensitive information back; others can use them against you. Keep a list of life details you won’t freely share until you have a trustworthy connection.
- Avoid being around chronically lonely people. Loneliness spreads quickly among friends, especially women. You’re 52% more likely to feel lonely if you are friends with a lonely person, finds research (Cacioppo, Fowler, & Christakis, 2009). Over time, even non-lonely people tend to become lonelier if they are in contact with lonely people.
3. Write a letter to yourself:
Writing to yourself is a powerful way to process your feelings and rediscover your meaning in life.
Describe what you’re going through, offer yourself words of encouragement, and outline some goals you’d like to accomplish in 3 to 6 months.
Imagine a happier version of yourself in six months or a year from now. Write that version a note of kindness and love. It will give you a sense of purpose and something to look forward to.
It’s okay to shift focus from the sadness-causing past to a happy future.
Your future self deserves happiness. Wanting to be happy doesn’t cancel out the good things you’ve had with that person. It means you accept what was, what is, and are ready to move on (even if they ghosted you).
Revisit these letters later to fondly see how far you’ve healed from your loneliness.
4. Reconnect with your hobbies and passions:
After a breakup, it’s common to feel like parts of your identity are tied to your past relationship. A great way to rediscover yourself is to dive into hobbies you enjoy or explore new interests.
Whether it’s joining a class, taking up a sport, or simply spending time on creative pursuits like writing or painting, engaging in meaningful activities can help you reconnect with yourself.
Hobbies bring fulfillment, keep your mind engaged, and can even introduce you to people with shared interests.
5. Spend some time in nature:
Nature has a calming, grounding effect and can ease feelings of loneliness. Studies show that spending time in green spaces can reduce anxiety and lift your mood.
Try taking daily walks in a local park, going for a hike, or even practicing mindfulness exercises outdoors. If you’re near a beach or mountains, take advantage of the scenery.
Nature can remind you of the world’s vastness and help you feel more at peace with your own journey.
6. Practice daily gratitude:
Gratitude is feeling thankful for what you have, including life itself.
Practicing gratitude has proven psychological benefits. It makes you worry less, allows you to feel happy, strengthens your immune system, and betters your relationships.
Take a few moments each day to think of or write down 3–4 things you’re grateful for. Even small things like a cup of warm coffee or a call from a friend.
Gratitude gradually shifts your perspective from what’s missing to what you already have.
Over time, gratitude practice can help you feel more connected to life itself. And less alone.
“It seems the number one thing is to change your perceptions of the world around you. It’s realizing that sometimes people aren’t able to meet up with you, not because there is something inherently wrong with you, but because of other things going on in their lives.”
— Olivia Remes, mental health researcher
7. Find an opportunity to volunteer:
Giving back can be a powerful antidote to loneliness.
Volunteering shifts your focus outward and surrounds you with people who share a sense of purpose. Helping others can build self-worth and give you a sense of fulfillment that counters loneliness.
Whether it’s working with animals, tutoring kids, or helping at a local food bank, volunteering offers a chance to connect while making a positive impact.
8. Rebuild your social network:
Friendships may have taken a backseat during your relationship, so now is a great time to reconnect.
Reach out to old friends, check in with family members, or make an effort to engage with colleagues.
Rebuilding social connections, even one at a time, can slowly expand your support system. Remember, many people can relate to your experience, so it’s okay to lean on those who care about you.
What Loneliness Does After A Breakup
Post‑breakup loneliness rarely comes alone. It arrives tangled with sadness, regret, rumination, anger, urges for revenge, or self‑neglect.
Those feelings amplify one another: sadness deepens withdrawal; rumination fuels shame and regret; anger or revenge impulses prompt risky, impulsive choices.
Together, they keep you trapped in negative patterns and slow emotional recovery.
You may start to see small setbacks as catastrophes, have poor sleep, altered appetite, mental exhaustion, low motivation, or strained work and relationships.
Loneliness also raises the risk of unhealthy coping, like substance use, rebound relationships, or self‑isolating habits.
Research links loneliness to serious health effects:
- Emotional loneliness can increase the risk of anxiety and depression (Beutel & Klein, 2017).
- Social isolation is linked with heart failure and coronary artery disease (Courtin & Knapp, 2015).
- The impact of loneliness on mortality is similar to that of smoking 15 cigarettes per day (Holt-Lunstad & Smith, 2015).
Final Words
There’s no one “right” way to grieve the end of your relationship, so be patient, kind, and empathetic to yourself.
You can ignore others’ advice that rushes you into a new relationship or imposes quick fixes for rebuilding your life. Still, reaching out helps: stay connected to a few people who care.
Friends, family, supportive online groups, or a therapist can speed recovery and prevent isolation. There’s no shame in asking for help if loneliness becomes overwhelming.
Can you get over a breakup alone? Yes, you can, and sometimes it’s the better choice.
√ Also Read: How To Get Over A Breakup All Alone?
√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.
