• Modified: Feb 20, 2025 • Read in: 8 mins
— by Dr. Sandip Roy.One regret almost everyone who gets diagnosed with ADHD has: I wish I had known sooner, I’d have had better tools to deal with it.
“I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-20s, and up until that point had no idea I was neurodiverse. Suddenly everything made sense — difficulties at school, being too talkative, struggling with focus and concentration, overthinking and anxiety, so many elements of my life made sense.” — Nadine Dirks
My advice: If you think you might have ADHD, get yourself diagnosed. Don’t be burdened by a mystery illness.
People with ADHD have many self-sabotaging behaviors — negative self-talk, perfectionism, people-pleasing, risk-taking, procrastination, making excuses and blaming circumstances, emotional outbursts, overcommitting, and substance abuse.
A 2025 study found people with ADHD have shorter lives. Women diagnosed with attention-deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) die 8.64 years earlier than those without the condition. Similarly, men with ADHD die 6.78 years earlier on average than those without.
30 Simple-To-Follow Tips To Stop ADHD Self-Sabotage
Many people with ADHD have found these tips helpful in stopping their self-sabotage behavior and improving their lives:
For Negative Self-Talk
- 1. Have more self-compassion and less self-criticism.
- 2. Practice self-awareness and challenge your negative thoughts.
- 3. Value your efforts and discipline. See mistakes as a part of the learning process.
For Perfectionism
- 4. Set realistic goals. Write a good-enough (not perfect) plan to achieve them.
- 5. Get a growth mindset — see obstacles and setbacks as opportunities to grow.
For People-Pleasing Tendency
- 7. Prioritize your tasks and leisure over what others ask you to do.
- 6. Set boundaries on your time — go for digital minimalism.
- 8. Learn to say “No” more often.
For Risk-Taking Impulses
- 9. Ask others what they think when you are about to make an impulsive decision.
- 10. “When in doubt, don’t.” Don’t rush into everything that can be done later.
- 11. Avoid times and scenes that make you impulsive and take risks.
For Procrastination & ADHD Freeze
- 12. Voice-note or write down your thoughts, feelings, and to-dos, daily.
- 13. Break tasks into small steps to achieve “easy wins”. Settle for good enough.
- 14. Use visual aids and reminders to stay organized and on track. Use Pomodoro.
- 15. Allow time in your daily schedule for movement activities like walking and dancing.
For Excuse-Making and Blaming
- 16. Start taking responsibility instead of wasting mental energy on making elaborate excuses.
- 17. Stop trying to blame external circumstances when you need to fix your inner world.
For Emotional Outbursts
- 18. Get proper sleep; it helps immensely!
- 19. Meditate mindfulness daily, even if for 15 minutes.
- 20. Seek professional support from therapists, coaches, or ADHD specialists.
- 21. Regular exercise is one of the best friends of ADHD people to improve focus and happiness.
For Overcommitment
- 22. Prioritize your tasks and your mental range to handle things.
- 23. Stop saying “Yes” whenever asked to do something. In fact, make this your default: “I am too tied up today. I’ll tell you when I get free.”
- 24. Set boundaries — and enforce those boundaries.
- 25. Delegate less specific tasks to others.
For Abuse/Addiction Risks
- 26. Establish routines and structure to reduce reliance on substances.
- 27. Introspect your deeper issues. Learn how to cope with your stresses, triggers, and cravings.
- 28. Build a support network of friends, family, or support groups to keep you on the right track.
- 29. Seek professional help to address substance abuse and alcohol dependence (recent findings say alcohol is always harmful, even as an occasional weekend drink).
For Burnout Prevention
- 30. Allot time for self-care and self-nurture. Treat yourself with love.
How To Handle ADHD Self-Defeating Work Behaviors
ADHD presents many unique challenges that a normal (neurotypical) person may never understand.
Living with ADHD can feel like you’re trying to get through an endless maze. You know that there is a way to get out, but you are not ready to give up and shout for help.
Negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is that little voice in our ADHD brain that tells us we’re not good enough, capable, or smart enough.
- Every time the voice says something to demotivate or devalue you, challenge it. Ask it, “Is that really true? What’s the proof?”
- Then replace those negative thoughts with some positive words, like “I’ve worked hard at this. I deserve this.”
- Treat yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself like you are talking to your best friend, “Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay.”
Procrastination
We put things off because our ADHD brain doesn’t quite appreciate a future urgency. So, we tend to wait for the last minute.
To our brains, a task with a future deadline isn’t that urgent or that pressing yet. Starting it now seems like a waste of our time.
- When you feel like putting off a task, tell yourself, “Let me see what it’s all about and make a quick plan.” ADHD brains don’t like being forced to do a thing, and saying that gently engages you in the task without forcing you into it.
- Before you get busy with a ‘million’ other things, tell yourself, “I’m doing it a bit now, just a little bit.” That lets your brain maintain the “non-urgent” status of the task, and yet make you work at it.
- Treat yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself like you are talking to your best friend: “The thought of doing it all is overwhelming, I know. Just do it a little now, and it’ll be okay.” Say, if you need to clean your room, tell yourself, “I’ll just pick up three T-shirts and go wash them.”
- Set mini-goals and short deadlines. They create little urgencies that can push you to get started.
- Don’t forget to reward yourself for completing a task—it can really stimulate that dopamine-deprived brain of ours!
People-Pleasing
ADHD people struggle with people-pleasing and overcommitting. We jump in to say yes to anything and everything because we need external validation and want everyone to love us.
- Every time you feel the urge to say “yes” to something you’re not sure about, P-A-U-S-E. Tell them, “Let me check my schedule first.” This gives you time to figure out if your energy levels and priorities allow you to accept their request.
- Replace the automatic “yes” with a more considered response. Try practiced phrases like, “Let me think about that and get back to you,” or “I’d love to, but I’m already committed to [some other task].”
- Learn to set boundaries. They are for self-preservation and allow you to be more helpful when you can say yes. Make a list of what behaviors are off-limits for others to impose on you. Remember, it’s always okay to set your boundaries.
- Talk to yourself like you’re advising your best friend, “It’s okay to say no. Your needs matter just as much.” You can’t help others too well if you are constantly overloaded and preoccupied.
Risk-Taking
Risk-taking is a serious ADHD issue. A high prevalence of anxiety and depression with ADHD creates a volatile situation for risk-taking behavior, which includes accidents, self-harm, and more.
- Whenever a risky move tempts you, tell yourself, “Let me come back to it in a while.” This creates a small window of time — enough for the ADHD brain to get busy with other things.
- Practice telling yourself, “You can do it. First, tell me its two potentially bad consequences.” When you consider what could go wrong, it is a calculated risk, not an impulsive action.
- Another helpful way to walk out of risky impulses: talk it over with someone you trust who can point out your potential blind spots.
ADHD Freeze
When people with ADHD feel stuck and blank, unable to remember anything they need to get done.
- Keep visual aids like sticky notes to help jog your memory and break through your next freeze.
- Create a daily routine to keep things organized. A routine reduces the likelihood of impulsive decisions driven by chaos or overwhelm. And makes it easier to focus on your task.
- Try phrases like, “I’m tired, but I’ll do it tired,” to gently nudge yourself into an important task.
Final Words
- Exercise can make a big positive difference to your ADHD symptoms.
- Get proper sleep, daily. You may not realize how peaceful the next day will be if you only had a full 8 hours of restful sleep the previous night.
- Practice mindfulness meditation. It can help the ADHD brain to have less difficulty switching between tasks, and paying attention to social cues talking to people.
J.K. Rowling said: “It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.” With the right tools and mindset, anyone can thrive!
Seek help from a therapist, counselor, coach, or an ADHD specialist if you feel overwhelmed, have worrying thoughts, or have uncontrollable impulses.
√ Also Read: Why ADHD People Feel Limerence (Obsessive One-Sided Love)
√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.