📅 29 Apr 2025 • 📖 9 min read
Most people want to feel happy. Being happy in life is a natural, almost instinctive desire.However, studies show that placing too much value on happiness can backfire. And, the more people value happiness, the less happy they are.
So, if over-focusing on happiness can actually make it more elusive, what can you do to achieve more lasting joy?
AIM Model of Happiness
The ‘AIM Model of Happiness’ is simple, easy, and surprisingly effective. There are just three steps that help you achieve lasting wellbeing.
The AIM Model of Happiness involves:
- Attention (A): Pay close attention to the good things that happen to you.
- Interpretation (I): Try to interpret the experiences in a positive light whenever you can.
- Memory (M): Pin the positive experiences to your memory as brightly painted mental pictures.
The AIM model was presented by positive psychologists Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener in the book Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Their book won the 2008 PSP Prose Award for Excellence in Psychology.
How To AIM for Lifetime Happiness
Robert Biswas-Diener writes:
When is happiness? Many of us simply assume that happiness is an emotion we experience in the present, and it therefore makes sense to find pleasant and rewarding tasks in which to engage. There is, however, more to the story.
There is a psychological “happiness timeline” during which happiness is constructed, much in the same way your story of your wedding day or trip to Paris is constructed.
A – Attention
Your level of happiness is shaped by where you direct your attention.
The world is simply too full of stimuli, and we can’t take in the whole picture. So our brains have to pick the most important things in a scene and ignore everything else.
This is called inattentional blindness, and it is all too common in day-to-day life. Check The Gorilla Experiment by researcher Daniel Simons.
So, it turns out that what you pay attention to has a direct impact on your happiness. Here are some things you can do:
- Notice The Good Around You: Make it a habit to pay attention to beauty, the small acts of kindness from others, and what is going right in your life. For example, a daily habit of gratitude can shift your focus to the good in the world and the things you’re fortunate to have. This isn’t about ignoring the bad; rather, it’s about not overlooking the small, positive daily moments.
- Focus On Positive Experiences: Find and involve yourself in activities, people, and places that bring you joy. Choosing to have more positive experiences can help you get a more positive mindset and fill you with uplifting thoughts and feelings, which can boost your happiness.
- Cut Down On Negative Inputs: Try to limit your exposure to negative things, like distressing news or toxic friendships. Reducing these interactions can make more mental space for positive thoughts and experiences, which can enhance your happiness.
I- Interpretation
How you interpret situations affects how happy you are.
We all have ways of interpreting events in daily life. Are you the type who, when you get flowers, feels appreciative or thinks something is wrong? Here are some things you can do:
- Reframe Your Negative Thoughts: Called positive reframing, it involves thinking about a negative or challenging situation in a more positive light. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, look for the lessons and ways to grow out of it. It can lead to greater happiness. However, avoid forcing yourself to find a positive frame for every negative situation, especially during times of grief.
- Consider Multiple Viewpoints: Before jumping to conclusions, step back and see a situation from a distance. Take a moment to interpret it in different ways. Ask yourself if there could be alternative explanations for someone’s behavior or an event, which can help you avoid negative assumptions.
- Practice Emotional Awareness: Pay attention to your initial emotional reactions and recognize when they may be based on assumptions rather than facts. By acknowledging your feelings, you can create space to evaluate the situation more objectively.
M- Memory
Happiness in the present can come from events in the past.
You will be surprised to find you can draw actual happiness right now from events that have taken place long ago. Here are some things you can do:
- Cherish Your Successes: Tap into the memories of your happy experiences. Take time to reflect on your past successes and joyful moments. Revisit those memories, through journaling, looking at photos, or keeping mementos.
- Share Stories With Loved Ones: Have conversations with friends and loved ones about your shared memories. Trading lived stories can evoke positive feelings as you relive those happy moments together. And can also strengthen your connections.
- Create A Memory Ritual: Fix a regular ritual to celebrate your favorite memories, such as a monthly gathering where you and your loved ones share highlights from the past. This can serve as a joyful reminder of the good times you’ve experienced and help you draw happiness from your history.
This week, set a challenge for yourself to undertake at least one of these three approaches to happiness.
Other Ways To Sustain Happiness
If we should not aim for happiness directly, then what should we aim for?
Focus on Meaning, Not Just Mood
Happiness thrives when you tie it to something bigger than yourself. Reflect on what creates a sense of purpose in your work, relationships, or personal life.
Ask these and get answers from yourself:
- What excites or fulfills me beyond momentary pleasure?
- How can I contribute to others in a way that feels authentic?
When you focus on the meaning of your life, you cultivate a deeper sense of life-satisfaction.
Build Happiness-Inducing Habits
Don’t wait for happiness to find you. Stop relying on people and circumstances to “make you feel happy.”
Instead, work for your happiness. Cultivate happiness habits.
- Practice gratitude by regularly noting what you appreciate.
- Be more mindful, or being present in the moment, can help reduce your rumination and stress.
- Exercise regularly, as it releases brain chemicals like dopamine and endorphins that naturally boost your mood.
Prioritize Well-Being Over “Feeling Happy”
Happiness isn’t just an emotion; it’s a result of a well-supported life.
For sustainable happiness, invest in:
- Strong relationships, as loneliness can undermine joy.
- Physical health basics, like adequate sleep, clean nutrition, and regular movement.
- Learning emotional resilience, as when you know how to cope with the lows, your highs even richer.
Embrace Life’s Full Emotional Spectrum
Even the happiest life isn’t happy 100% of the time.
In fact, there are at least 50 negative emotions that are normal experiences. We all feel sadness, stress, and frustration, and stress. Suppressing them can make us less happy over time.
Happiness in difficult times is about:
- Allowing Yourself To Feel Difficult Emotions Without Judgment: When you let yourself feel difficult emotions like sadness, frustration, or anxiety without judgment, you become more aware of who you are and what’s happening in your life. You understand the root causes of your feelings, which can lead you to healthier coping mechanisms and prevent a buildup of unresolved emotions.
- Recognizing That Contentment Is About Navigating Pain, Not Avoiding It: True satisfaction comes not from the absence of pain, but from an ability to bear with it and learn from it. Those who bravely go through tough times often develop a deeper appreciation for life’s positive moments. You often come out of these experiences with a new meaning and an elevated sense of happiness and fulfillment.
Paradox of The Pursuit of Happiness
The paradox of the pursuit of happiness is that those who seek it the most often struggle to achieve it.
- Wanting to feel happy to an intense degree results in negative outcomes in both the short term, such as experiencing less positive emotions, and the long term, such as having worse well-being (Zerwas & Ford, 2021).
- People who extremely value happiness are also less likely to attain long-term happiness, as shown by lower levels of psychological well-being and life satisfaction (Mauss & Tamir, 2011)
So, why is it so?
- Pressure and Expectations: When people really want to be happy, they might set unrealistic goals for themselves. This can create stress and anxiety, making it harder for them to actually feel happy. People with the biggest plans for their New Year’s Eve celebrations were the least happy afterwards, compared to those who had low or no expectations for their plans (Schooler & Ariely, 2003).
- Overemphasis on Positive Emotions: Focusing too much on being happy can lead people to ignore or push away negative feelings, which are a normal part of life. This can create a cycle of disappointment, as they may feel unhappy when they can’t always be happy.
- Comparison and Social Influence: People who intensely seek happiness often compare themselves to others. This can make them feel inadequate or jealous, and reduce their own happiness.
- Short-Term Focus: Wanting to be happy can lead people to chase quick pleasures instead of things that will make them truly happy in the long run. This focus on instant gratification can leave them feeling unfulfilled or having regrets over time.
Final Words
Finally, you could say that science gave a nod to the 1848 “Crescent” definition of happiness:
“Happiness: A butterfly, which when pursued, seems always just beyond your grasp; but if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”
Happiness doesn’t work too well as a target. Rather, it’s often a byproduct of your efforts. When you focus on living with purpose, nurturing self-compassion and resilience, and embracing life’s ups and downs, joy tends to surface naturally and lastingly.
Instead of asking, “Am I happy?” consider asking, “Am I living in a way that allows happiness to flourish?”
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√ Also Read: Have you noticed when happiness “arrives,” it isn’t as much or as long-lasting as you expected? This is called Arrival Fallacy.
√ Please share it with someone if you found this helpful.