📅 29 May 2025 • 📖 9 min read
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.Can someone with sociopathic tendencies have emotional attachments? Can sociopaths truly love, or is it just a facade?
Truth is, sociopaths have no real attachments to anyone. They treat others as objects and can be most hostile even to their closest friends and family.
At least that’s what most of us think.
A more socially relevant question is, can romantic love cure sociopaths? Can someone’s love fix them and help the sociopath fall in love?
And, can they love someone very close to them, like their family?
What Love Means To A Sociopath: Truth About Sociopathic Love
Love is too complex an emotion to understand perfectly for any one of us. For sociopaths, love is even more confusing.
So, can sociopaths love, and if they can, what does love look like to a sociopath?
- Sociopaths don’t feel strong emotional connections with most people.
- Love, to them, means feeling safe enough to drop the act and be fully themselves.
- They do deeply care about a few close people, seeing them as part of themselves.
- This makes them extremely loyal to those few they see as close. If someone hurts their loved one, they’ll go to great lengths to get back at them.
- They admit they don’t really understand how non-sociopaths (neurotypical people) feel emotions like love.
- For them, love feels more transactional, that is, something based on mutual benefit. The more someone adds value to their life, the more they give back, and the longer the bond lasts.
- They have a very dark side that they keep hidden from most people. Only one or two people have ever seen that side, and those are the people they truly love.
Can Sociopaths Love?
So, yes, sociopaths can love, but their interpretation of love differs from that of a non-sociopath.
- The core aspects of love – empathy, caring, positive regard, and personal sacrifice – are mostly alien to a sociopath.
- According to them, falling in love is a sensation of fascination, and a love relationship is a mutually beneficial arrangement.
- When asked, they may report that love is a shallow lie people use for personal gain.
- Research suggests many sociopaths equate love with sexual acts, which they often view as momentary and meaningless physical pleasure.
Why Sociopaths Can’t Genuinely Love?
Researchers believe a sociopath’s inability to love may be related to adverse childhood experiences, like abuse or neglect when they were young. That abuse, which they could not defend themselves from, could have resulted in deep distrust of others and an inner rage.
The distrust might have learned that love means allowing others to take advantage of them. The simmering rage might have become an aggression to justify their destructive behavior toward others.
A sociopath is someone with an antisocial personality disorder (APD), but not all sociopaths are found in seedy, crime-infested places or prisons. Some of them live with us in our society, holding down jobs and having successful relationships.
- Do you know about high-functioning psychopaths, who hide among us but do not show violent tendencies except when under extreme pressure?
What Love Looks Like To A Sociopath?
To a sociopath, love may be difficult to recognize as compared to the non-sociopaths. Sociopaths may also see and use love as a tool to get what they want, rather than as an expression of genuine affection.
Sociopaths may say certain phrases to the people they love, such as “I can’t live without you” or “You’re the only one who understands me.”
However, these phrases are often empty and rather have manipulative undertones to get the other person under their control.
But they will always lack empathy and have a disregard for the feelings and rights of others. It is in their very nature.
As one expert notes,
“Sociopaths can be very successful in their careers and personal lives, but their relationships are often superficial and short-lived. They may be charming and charismatic, but they lack the ability to truly connect with others on an emotional level.”
Impact of Sociopathy on Relationships
Sociopaths face a lot of problems in their relationships. (To be honest, who doesn’t have one these days?)
People with sociopathic tendencies have these difficulties in their relationships:
Sociopathy and Intimacy
Intimacy is an essential component of any healthy relationship. However, sociopaths struggle to form intimate connections with others. They may engage in sexual relationships but lack the emotional connection that characterizes intimacy.
Sociopaths are insincere and incapable of emotion and empathy. Their love admissions are learned responses. Their doting words don’t always match their actions. They can beat up someone who tries to entice their target person away, but they cannot sacrifice themselves for that person.
Power struggles abound in sociopathic relationships, and the sociopath uses whatever it takes—charm, intimidation, and violence—to win.
Winning is all they show their love for.
Sociopathy and Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and feel what the other person is going through and read the thoughts and emotions in their mind.
Sociopaths lack empathy, making it difficult for them to connect with others on an emotional level.
But they painstakingly learn how to express empathy, and can pick up the clues from the other person’s gestures and expressions to change tier body language and facial expressions.
This lack of empathy, and fake empathy, can lead to a relationship built on a boggy marshland.
They have no real attachment to anyone and treat others as things.
Sociopathy and Trust
Trust is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. However, sociopaths have a difficult time building and maintaining trust. They may lie, manipulate, and deceive others to get what they want, making it challenging to trust them.
Sociopaths can behave very lovingly or affectionately towards their partner—at least at the beginning. Still, their lack of empathy and inability to form emotional connections can lead to a breakdown in trust over time.
Dive into the chilling world of sociopathic stare to uncover its hidden dangers.
Science of Love
Romantic love is a powerful human experience in our lives. It has been strongly linked with relationship quality and stability, and with well-being, life-satisfaction, and mental and physical health (Acevado & Aron, 2009; Coan, 2006; Drigotas, 1999; Esch & Stefano, 2005).
Love is a complex emotion that has been defined in various ways in psychology.
Positive psychology defines love as one of the components of character strength, “love and humanity,” which includes the capacity for loyalty, compassion, caring about others, and doing good things for others on one’s own initiative.
Social psychology generally concerns love with compassion and helping behavior in diverse settings. Also, love can be viewed as a positive emotion that promotes well-being and resilience.
- Studies have found that social support, including love and a positive attitude towards others, is a determinant of resilience among street children in Haiti.
- Love and emotional stability are also among the theme categories that emerged to define kindness in a study on the Russian understanding of kindness.
While love is often considered a feeling, researchers have studied the neurochemistry and psychology of love to better understand this emotion.
Neurochemistry of Love
When it comes to love, the brain is a key player.
The fMRI scans have shown that the brain of a person in love looks different from that of someone who is not in love.
Bartels & Zeki (2004) found that individuals who claimed to be “truly, deeply, and madly” in love exhibited unique patterns of brain activity while looking at photographs of their partners.
Studies show that love activates the areas of the brain associated with reward, motivation, and emotion regulation, including the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and the nucleus accumbens (NAcc), which are associated with pleasure and motivation.
Love also activates the prefrontal cortex (PFC), which is involved in decision-making and social behavior, and the amygdala, which is involved in emotional processing and memory.
Love can affect the levels of various neurotransmitters and hormones in the brain, including dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin, which are associated with pleasure, bonding, and social behavior.
Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin play a major role in the experience of love.
- Dopamine is associated with the pleasure and reward centers of the brain and is released when we experience something pleasurable, such as being with someone we love.
- Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” is released during physical touch and intimacy, and is associated with bonding and trust.
- Serotonin, which regulates mood and social behavior, is also involved in the experience of love.
Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, said this about the brain in love,
“Romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on Earth. It’s a natural stimulant. It has all the rewards of cocaine with none of the bad side effects.”
Love Relationships Are Push-Pull Mechanisms
Forming emotional bonds with others uses a push-pull mechanism to overcome social distance.
- Push: Deactivating the brain networks responsible for critical social assessment and negative emotions, which might create barriers between people.
- Pull: Engaging the brain’s reward circuitry, which is responsible for feelings of pleasure and motivation.
This mix of reducing negative emotions and increasing positive ones helps to explain why love is such a powerful force that can both motivate and bring happiness to individuals.
“Sociopaths can be charming and loving, but it’s all part of their game.” – Dr. Darrel Turner, Forensic Psychologist
This means that while sociopaths may be capable of expressing love and affection, their ultimate goal is often to gain power and control over their partner.
Final Words
“Sociopaths are attracted to politics because the see it as a sphere in which you can be ruthless and step all over people. That fact that some politicians can tell such awful lies is another example of sociopathy. Sociopaths lie—they see nothing wrong with it.” ― Alexander McCall Smith, The Revolving Door of Life
Sociopaths’ experience of love differs from non-sociopaths, as follows:.
- Sociopaths may engage in harmful behaviors like risky infidelity, emotional abuse, and violence.
- A lack of empathy makes them unable to understand and respond to their partners’ emotions.
- They can feel love and attachment, but their motives are often manipulative and self-serving.
Do not try to fix them and prioritize your own safety and well-being.
Seek professional help from counselors if necessary.
√ Also Read: The Sociopath Smile: Warning Signs of Danger
√ Please share it with someone if you found this helpful.