• Modified: Jan 22, 2025 • Read in: 7 mins
Narcissists are cunning, lying, and scheming people — it’s built into their very nature.One item in their manipulation toolkit is the word salad or circular conversations. How do they use it?
Say, your narcissist made a mistake, and you ask them to own up. They respond in such a confusing jumble that you exhaust yourself trying to make sense of it. And now, you just want to end the conversation.
What started out as you asking them to admit their fault ends up as you being pushed into a corner trying to defend yourself.
Find out more on word salad, and you’ll learn to spot it before they have you cornered.
Narcissistic Word Salad
Word salad is a narcissist’s way of speaking using random words and phrases that don’t make sense. It involves using coined words, complex phrases, irrelevant quotes, false facts, or baseless ideas.
The term “salad” is a metaphor for the chaotic and disorganized nature of the language, as if the words and phrases have been tossed together like ingredients in a salad.
It’s like tossing crabs, corn, bacon, pepper chicken, granulated sugar, beer, cheese dressing, and a lot of rock salt into a mixing bowl to make a bizarre salad.
Narcissists often use word salad to explain their actions, to make it difficult for the listener to decipher or follow.
How To Spot Narcissistic Word Salad
If you feel increasingly confused and frustrated when speaking to a suspected narcissist, it is likely that the conversation is word salad.
Some common elements to spot in a narcissistic word salad:
- Circular conversations: Involves talking in circles. The discussions seem to loop endlessly, never reaching a solution or conclusion.
Example: “Why we’re not making progress on this project? The reason is we keep getting sidetracked by other tasks. If we didn’t get sidetracked, we would be making progress. So why are we getting sidetracked? We need to talk about why…” - Tangential speech: Narcissists often stray from the main topic, making it hard to follow their train of thought.
Example: “I went to the store to get your pad, which reminds me, I saw your friend there. She had a cute dog, like that movie we watched last week.” - Non-sequiturs: Ideas or statements that don’t logically connect to the previous ones, leaving you puzzled.
Example: “I don’t like your tone. By the way, have you seen my car keys?” - Gaslighting: Attempts to make you doubt your perceptions and memory, by denying or changing facts.
Example: “I never said that; you must be imagining things.” - Narcissistic projection: They accuse you of the very flaws, behaviors, or feelings that they’re displaying themselves.
Example: “You’re so selfish and inconsiderate!” (when they’re the ones acting selfishly) - Repetitive arguments: They constantly repeat the same points, talking in circles, and trying to keep you engaged and frustrated.
Example: “You always do this. I told you a hundred times already.” - Distracting tactics: They introduce random words or comments unrelated to the topic, throwing you off and distracting you from your point.
Example: “That’s not important; did you know I met a celebrity yesterday?” - Making excuses: Narcissists never admit fault and turn the blame onto you for their wrongdoings.
Example: “I only did that because you made me angry.” - False Accusations: They keep you mentally and emotionally busy by accusing you of doing purely fictitious things, hurling insults, and forcing you to defend yourself.
Example: “You’re always using and exploiting me. If I were being attacked, you would flee for your life, leaving me to fend for myself.” - Denial: They’ll deny any actions or statements that may make them look bad, protecting themselves from their flaws.
Example: “I never said that; you must have heard me wrong.” - Patronizing behavior: They talk down to you and treat you like a child during arguments.
Example: “Oh, sweetie, you just don’t understand, do you?” - Provocative act: They suddenly go silent when you expect them to respond, which often provokes you into a reaction. Then they speak, labeling you as irrational.
Example: “You always get way too emotional; it’s hard to have a sensible conversation with you.”
Narcissistic Word Salad Examples
Example 1:
Narcissist: “You know, it’s funny how you always mess up things like this. I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t clear about the expectations.”
You: “I thought I followed your instructions correctly.”
Narcissist: “Well, maybe you’re just not good at understanding people or situations. Besides, I was talking about the other project, not this one. You really need to pay more attention.”
You: “But you never mentioned another project.”
Narcissist: “I don’t have time for this. It’s just like when you forgot about our anniversary, even though I never reminded you. You’re always making these mistakes.”
Example 2:
Narcissist: “You’re always so sensitive, just like that time you overreacted when I borrowed your car without asking. It’s no big deal.”
You: “But you didn’t tell me you were taking it, and I needed it for work that day.”
Narcissist: “Oh, come on, don’t you remember? I told you I needed it for my important meeting. It’s not my fault you can’t remember these things.”
You: “You never mentioned anything about a meeting or borrowing my car.”
Narcissist: “Well, maybe you should listen more carefully. It’s like when you forget to buy groceries even when I give you a list. You just can’t focus on what’s important.”
Example 3:
Narcissist: “I can’t believe you invited your friends over tonight without asking me first. It’s like you don’t even care about my feelings.”
You: “But you told me it was fine to invite them when we talked about it last week.”
Narcissist: “You’re always twisting my words. I said it was fine if you checked with me first, but you never did. You’re just trying to make me look bad.”
You: “I did ask you, and you agreed. I don’t understand why you’re upset now.”
Narcissist: “You just don’t get it. It’s like when you failed to pick up my dry cleaning even though I reminded you three times. You just don’t think about anyone but yourself.”
Why do narcissists serve word salads?
Narcissists serve the word salad for these reasons:
- Evading topics they’re uncomfortable discussing
- Deflecting responsibility when being called out
- Sowing confusion to induce self-doubt in their targets
- Dominating conversations to silence and control others
Word salad is a disruptive tactic in a narcissist’s hands. When you try to have an intelligent conversation, express ideas, or describe experiences, they will use incoherent language to derail your train of thought or hijack the conversation.
Their main purpose of using it is to keep you confused so that you are easier to manipulate and control, while they can maintain their narcissistic sense of superiority and arrogance.
There is a related topic: Conversational Narcissism
- Conversational narcissism involves excessive self-focus in conversations.
- Common behaviors include boasting, refocusing the topic on oneself, and using loud voices.
- These behaviors are often rated lower on social attraction, and the extent of narcissism depends on the needs and goals of both people in the conversation.
Effects of Narcissistic Word Salad On Relationships
The narcissistic word salad can have a devastating impact on relationships, leaving the other person feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained.
Over time, this manipulative communication style erodes trust and intimacy, often leading to the breakdown of the relationship.
Emotional Toll
The narcissistic word salad can wreak havoc on relationships. Its primary victims are often left feeling drained, confused, and frustrated. They may experience:
- Self-doubt and insecurity
- Constant questioning of their own sanity
- Emotional exhaustion
- Feelings of isolation and helplessness
Communication Breakdown
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. The narcissistic word salad undermines this essential component, resulting in:
- Unresolved conflicts
- Misunderstandings and misconceptions
- Erosion of trust
- Emotional distancing
Final Words
N.B.: Word salad may be a feature of schizophrenia or brain injury.
The way to deal with narcissistic word salad:
- Trust your instincts. If you suspect they’re serving you word salads, they probably are.
- Save your sanity. Create distance and set boundaries with them if they keep talking in circles.
- Seek help. Keep in touch with your true well-wishers, and seek a professional opinion if feeling stressed by their behavior.
• • •
√ Also Read: Why Are Narcissists Insecure? And How Can You Find Out?
√ Please share it with someone if you found this helpful.