Today's Sunday • 4 mins read
Narcissists and Stoics are polar opposites in their worldviews, behaviors, and approaches to life. For one, Stoic self-control is the stark opposite of the narcissist’s entitlement-driven control of others.
Narcissists seek attention, lack empathy, and exploit people without remorse. They are driven by greed, self-interest, and the need to control others. They often belittle others to feel superior. Any feedback or rejection can trigger their narcissistic rage.
While Stoics practice mindfulness, self-control, and humility. They accept life’s challenges and hardships with equanimity. They always stay focused on the four Stoic virtues: wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance.
What Defines a Stoic?
Stoics live for virtue, mindfulness, and emotional detachment. They discipline themselves to focus on their own thoughts, beliefs, and actions, instead of trying to control other people.
They practice calm acceptance of the external events and do their best to do what they must without attachment to the expected outcome. This keeps their emotions steady.
What Defines a Narcissist?
In stark contrast, a narcissist’s world centers everything on themselves.
They seek constant attention and admiration from others around. They constantly work to build an image that others find flawless, carefully hiding their vulnerabilities and mistakes.
Deep inside, narcissists have fragile egos. So their emotions swing fast depending on whether someone praised, ignored, or criticized them.
They also lack empathy and emotional depth, and this often makes them remain unmoved by the pain and suffering of others.
Narcissists put on charming mannerisms to impress people. But people eventually distance themselves as they recognize the narcissist’s “me-first, others-last, always” mentality.
Clinically diagnosed narcissism is known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This study found that depressed patients with NPD scored significantly higher on self-oriented perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism, shame, and all forms of aggression (physical, verbal, anger, and hostility). Surprisingly, they also found that high shame reduced aggression in those with perfectionistic traits.
Narcissists vs. Stoics: Key Differences & Traits
While the Stoics practice moderation and self-control, narcissists by nature practice exaggeration and attempt to control and manipulate others.
- Self-perception: Stoics stay humble. They focus on reason and virtue. Narcissists inflate their importance. Their ego demands constant attention.
- Emotions: Stoics practice self-control. They remain calm. Narcissists chase admiration. Vanity and selfish motives drive them.
- Desires: Stoics value inner peace over possessions. Narcissists feel entitled. They seek validation. Envy and jealousy consume them.
- Relationships: Stoics value genuine connections and mutual understanding. Narcissists exploit people. They lack emotional empathy. Others feel used.
- Adversity: Stoics see obstacles as opportunities to grow. Narcissists have fragile egos. Adversity frustrates them. Threats make them lash out. Aggression follows.
- Feedback: Stoics welcome constructive criticism. They pursue self-improvement. Narcissists reject criticism. They take feedback as personal insults. Shame follows.
- Ethics: Stoics have high moral standards. They always act with integrity. Narcissists excuse unethical behaviors. Superiority justifies everything.
- Mindset: Stoics focus on what they can control. Narcissists fixate on controlling people, perceptions, and situations.
- Perspective: Stoics accept impermanence. They never forget how fragile life, fame, and possessions are. Narcissists require constant validation and attention. They hold grudges against anyone who fails to show them the respect they expect.
- Goals: Stoics seek wisdom, virtue, and a meaningful life. Narcissists chase admiration. Vanity and self-interest drive them.
- Emotional Regulation: Stoics detach from external events. They rarely have emotional overwhelm. Narcissists swing between emotional extremes. Their self-worth remains fragile.
- Handling People: Stoics use discipline to protect their emotional well-being. Narcissists display traits and behaviors that disturb and drain others.
- Do you know why narcissists drain your energy so much?
Final Words
Narcissists thrive on emotional drama and try to keep others gaslighted to have control over them. So it’s often very hard for them to settle in peace.
While Stoics feel the full gamut of human emotions, they do not act on them impulsively or over-strongly. And this leads them to inner peace.
And that is one key to how Stoics, when dealing with narcissists, don’t get drawn into narcissistic dramas.
√ Also Read: How To Be Stoic With Narcissists, Selfish & Mean People?
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