📅 16 May 2025 • 📖 4 min read
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.
A narcissist’s fake apologies can range from nonpology to ghostpology.
They often include excuses, blame-shifting, and even victim-shaming in their apologies. Plus, most are conditional, like “I’m sorry if…” or “I regret you feel that way, but…” to volley back the responsibility for their actions.
So, dealing with a narcissist’s apology can mean facing emotional blackmail, half-truths, or gaslighting.
Here’s how to protect your peace and stay grounded when that happens:
1. Expect Insincerity
A narcissist’s apology is hard to come by. And when they say sorry, they’re not really sorry.
Most narcissists do not apologize to repair the relationship. They apologize to escape consequences, and that’s the harsh truth.
Don’t assume they’re remorseful just because they said “sorry.” Instead, take time to sift the manipulative intent hidden in the words.
Listen carefully, but trust patterns, not promises.
2. Stay Realistic About Who They Are
You can’t force insight or empathy into someone who isn’t wired for it.
Don’t expect growth where there’s denial. Let go of the hope that they’ll suddenly change because they said the right words.
Manage your expectations, and avoid arguments over their version of reality.
3. Keep Your Boundaries Non-Negotiable
Whether or not you accept their apology, state your boundaries clearly, if you haven’t already set these seven boundaries with them.
Tell them what you will not tolerate moving forward. If possible, ask them to repeat your boundary in their own words.
That’s not for their clarity; it’s for your record.
4. Focus on Behavior, Not Words
A narcissist may say anything to restore their image. So watch what they do next.
Do they follow through? Or do they keep crossing the same lines?
Don’t engage in endless explanations, wasting your energy and words. Let their actions speak louder than their words.
5. Don’t Take the Bait
Fake apologies from a narcissist come laced with blame, excuses, or provocations.
Stay calm. Realize and remind yourself that narcissists love drama; it gives them importance.
They want you to react emotionally so they can flip the script. Don’t get pulled into arguments.
If needed, give a short response or no response at all. Your calm is your strength.
6. Document What Happens
Keep a journal. It’s not just for venting. It helps you fact-check your reality when they gaslight you later.
Writing down what was said, done, or promised creates a trail you can trust when doubt creeps in.
Moreover, those notes can also be helpful if you want to divorce your narcissist and deal with the legal side of things.
7. Find Emotional Nourishment Elsewhere
Narcissists rarely provide the emotional safety or empathy you need. But from early in the relationship, they try to cut you off from your social circle.
Stay connected to others. Do not lose touch with your friends, family, and others who support you.
If you are starting to feel isolated, consider joining a narcissist survivor group. They can validate your experience and help you see through the narcissist’s relentless gaslighting.
Your healing depends on more than just surviving this relationship. You need to save your future mental sanity.
8. Don’t Try to Teach Them
Do not try to fix, treat, or sort out your narcissist; you’ll fail at it.
You may be tempted to explain how a real apology works or what they should have said. But this rarely goes well.
They’re not looking to understand. They’re trying to maintain control. Save your energy. Focus on your safety and clarity instead.
9. Reinforce Change Only If It’s Genuine
If you do notice consistent, respectful changes in behavior, acknowledge them, without over-investing emotionally.
Validation can be helpful, but only when the change is real and sustained over time.
Never reward crumbs. This is over and above the urge to respond to their triggers for drama.
10. Prioritize Your Safety
If you feel unsafe, don’t announce it. Act on it.
Narcissists can escalate their abusive behavior and explode in narcissistic rage when they sense a loss of control. They can play you until the last moment your divorce is finalized.
Your (and your children’s, if you have them) well-being matters more than their comfort.
Get support. Make an exit plan if needed.
Final Words
If you refuse to accept their apologies, the narcissist may recruit third parties to advance their agenda. Be cautious.
Called flying monkeys, these can be friends, colleagues, and family members who come and tell you to forgive the poor narcissist.
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√ Also Read: What Triggers Narcissistic Rage? What Happens During It?
√ Please share it with someone if you found this helpful.