What Triggers Narcissistic Rage? What Happens During It?

✅ Today's Tuesday • 📖 9 mins read

— By Dr. Sandip Roy.

Whenever a narcissist feels humiliated or belittled, they react as if they are facing an acute survival hazard. This is narcissistic rage.

It is an emotional outburst of anger and frustration in response to a perceived loss of self-esteem or self-worth.

Narcissistic rage is often uncontrollable. It is near impossible to calm down the raging narcissist with logic or explanation.

Sometimes, you may erupt in a rage after repeated triggering by the narcissist. At that exact moment, the narcissist declares that they are always the one being abused by you. This is called reactive abuse.

The term “narcissistic rage” or “narcissistic anger” was coined by Heinz Kohut in 1972 and popularized by Otto Kernberg in 1975.

What Triggers Narcissistic Rage?

Narcissistic rage can be triggered by criticism, disapproval, envy, humiliation, abandonment, or rejection. It may also be motivated by a desire to coerce a target into compliance. It can also be triggered by an unrelated emotional event, such as news of disrespect to someone the narcissist admires.

“A characteristic sign of narcissistic people is fits of anger or tears when what they do is not perfect enough in their eyes, or when something questions their pride and self-love. Heinz Kohut first coined the term “narcissistic anger” to indicate these fits of anger, generally disproportionate to why they occur, which are motivated by wounded pride.”

— Stranieri & De Stefano, 2021

Here are some instances that could trigger a narcissistic rage:

1. When narcissists do not get preferential treatment.

When narcissists do not get their way or receive preferential treatment, they erupt in narcissistic rage.

Narcissists expect to have their way in everything, even if it is unrealistic.

They expect special treatment wherever they go because they deeply believe they are unique and superior to all around them.

Not getting special treatment causes them humiliation.

2. When they are given negative feedback.

When a narcissist gets criticized, they become outraged.

“When you give them even the mildest critique or feedback, you must be prepared for rapid, rageful, and disproportionate reactions, and it can be doubly confusing because they will frequently retaliate by criticizing you in far harsher terms.” – Ramani Durvasula

Criticizing a narcissist is like declaring military action on them, no matter how mild or fair your critique was.

And if you publicly criticize them, they will do everything in their power to destroy your reputation and credibility by starting a smear campaign.

3. When they are not being treated as the center of attention.

The narcissist gets into a fit of rage if they aren’t treated as the focus of attention.

When communicating with others, narcissists require complete attention to themselves.

When they are not getting undivided attention, they usually try to shift the spotlight back to themselves through dispute, charm, or dispute followed by charm.

4. When they are caught breaking rules and norms of honesty.

When a narcissist has been discovered breaking rules, disrespecting social norms, or acting dishonestly or meanly, they become enraged.

Narcissists have poor self-control, which makes them regularly violate the rules. They enjoy breaking the rules and defying the norms.

If you point out to them that they are lying or cheating, they will react by denying it flatly, saying that they did it on their own, and allude to someone making them do it.

5. When they are asked to explain their wrongful behavior.

When a narcissist is pressed to explain their behavior, they get enraged.

Narcissists are not to be held accountable for their behavior. They frequently use blame-shifting to divert attention away from themselves and their mistakes.

They are known to make you feel like you are the one to blame because you were too harsh in scrutinizing them.

6. When they get exposed as liars or manipulators.

When a narcissist is exposed as a liar or manipulator, they become furious.

When confronted after public exposure, a narcissist will play the victim.

And if you call them out in private, they can resort to anything to get back at you, from manipulation to aggressive behavior.

7. When their control is taken away from them.

When the narcissist’s sense of control is taken away, they become outraged.

Narcissists have a strong need to control the people around them.

They will try to control their spouse, children, coworkers, friends, and even neighbors.

If they sense they are about to lose control over their people, or already have lost their control, they will try hard to reestablish control over something or someone in their life.

But if they were to fail, their inability to regain control would lead to narcissistic rage.

8. When they face a loss, failure, or setback.

When a narcissist experiences a setback or loss, it can emerge as intense fury, animosity, or insidious hatred.

The first line of defense against you could be vicious yelling and screaming, as well as baseless charges.

Any minor dispute or unfavorable remark might make them feel rejected or mocked, triggering far more hurt than they usually cause.

They could project their own feelings and insecurities onto you.

What Happens During Narcissistic Rage?

A triggered narcissist can act aggressively regardless of the social settings. Here are some things that may happen during narcissistic rage:

• Narcissists may give off warning signs before a full-blown narcissistic rage. This may come as raising their voices, criticizing, asking you to shut up, shaming you, or issuing mild threats. If you don’t move away or stay silent, they may use objects or their hands to intimidate you and assert their dominance and superiority.
• Often, narcissists go into a rage spell that is out of proportion to the trigger. This outburst can be so intense that you may find it hard to believe that you can leave the scene unharmed.
• Narcissistic rage may let you witness their hatred in some unimaginable ways. They can pour out all their pent-up frustrations, listing all the things they have against you. Their contempt may seem so ugly that it could even numb your senses and freeze you on the spot.
• Some narcissists have short bursts of rage, appearing and vanishing quickly. They often do not refer to it again. Some people feel that reminding them of their rage spell could validate it and motivate them to repeat it.
• Covert narcissists may mask their rage with passive aggression. One way they do it is by adopting cold detachment (silent treatment). They may not speak to you for days or weeks, believing you deserve such punishment for acting in a way they despise.
• Some narcissists provoke their target’s rage before retaliating with verbal or physical aggression. They will emotionally manipulate you to incite your fury and make you react (reactive abuse). And then unleash verbal or physical aggression against you.
• During a narcissistic rage, they can withdraw from reality, making no one else’s perspective count or be correct. Narcissists will detach or disconnect from reality. They are the only ones who exist in their parallel universe. Their reality may be distorted and unrealistic, but they will never accept or listen to your point of view because they believe they are in control and you are not.
• Some narcissists will harm themselves in their fit of rage. Narcissists love drama and strive to be the best performers in each scene they are in, even when venting their rage.
• Many people believe that narcissists would never injure themselves because of their inflated egos. This, however, is not always the case, and narcissists may hurt themselves to manipulate or exploit their victims.
• They will be constantly cursing you, screaming at you, throwing or breaking objects, calling you names, threatening you, and even hitting you, all because they perceived you disrespected them.
• Narcissistic rage can linger for days or weeks, and they may bring it up from time to time.
• Of course, they do not apologize for their cruel behavior.
• They may slander you. If they are angry with you, they might quietly begin to spread rumors about your character, create difficulties in your life, or use a person in a position of power over you to take action against you.

FAQ

1. What are the types of narcissistic rage?

Narcissistic rage may take these two forms:

• Explosive rage: It presents as an intense verbal outburst followed by the use of physical force on objects (like throwing or breaking things) or the victim. It often involves a complete loss of self-control.
• Passive-aggressive rage: This usually manifests as covert aggression tactics that can include intimidating someone or sowing seeds of doubt in their minds (narcissistic gaslighting).

2. What is narcissistic rage?

Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist’s self-image and self-worth. Narcissists and people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often rage out at others when they feel their sense of superiority has been undermined.

Final Words

The intensity and duration of narcissistic rage can vary from person to person. It depends on how embarrassed or belittled the narcissist has been made to feel.

Their rage may be out of proportion to the quantum of shame or guilt they are feeling.

They may react angrily to a rejection from society or their own family unit.

They may simply show restlessness when they feel frustrated or powerless in the face of their boss’s mistreatment.

The best thing you can do if they are in a bout of rage is to avoid them.

Remember, some narcissists are quick to anger and malignity.

√ Also Read: Is Narcissism A Choice, Or Are Narcissists Victims?

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