Today's Friday • 8 mins read
Betrayal hurts the most when it comes from those we love the most.
You know the feeling. Something’s off. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but your gut keeps sending warning signals.
Maybe they’ve let you down a few times. Maybe their stories don’t line up. Maybe you feel like you’re always the one making excuses for them.
Trust isn’t binary. It erodes slowly, in small moments that pile up until you can’t ignore them anymore.
Here are 13 signs you’re dealing with someone who won’t protect what you give them.
13 Signs of An Untrustworthy Person
1. Their Words and Actions Never Match
They say one thing. Do another. Promise support, then vanish when you need them.
You think you’ve figured them out, then they shift. Their behavior is erratic. You can never trust they’ll follow through.
They tell you they value honesty while lying to their spouse. They preach loyalty while badmouthing mutual friends. The gap between what they claim and what they do keeps widening.
Stop giving them the benefit of the doubt. Inconsistency this persistent is a choice.
2. Promises Evaporate
All talk. Zero follow-through. Commitments made, then abandoned without explanation.
They make grand gestures and declarations. When it’s time to deliver, they’re nowhere to be found.
“I’ll help you move.” Gone silent by moving day. “Let’s grab coffee next week.” Never responds to confirm. “I’ve got your back on this.” Disappears when things get difficult.
You start wondering if they ever intended to keep their word. They probably didn’t.
Track the pattern. If someone repeatedly fails to deliver, believe the pattern, not the promises.
3. Everything’s a Secret
Guarded. Evasive. Hides basic details about their life. Keeps you at arm’s length.
What are they hiding?
They reveal just enough to seem open, then clam up. Ask about their weekend, get a three-word answer. Mention you saw them somewhere, watch them get defensive.
Conversations hit dead ends. Attempts to get closer meet resistance. The more you try to understand them, the more they shroud themselves in mystery.
Privacy is healthy. Excessive secrecy is a red flag. When someone makes you feel intrusive for asking normal questions, they’re hiding something.
4. Nothing Is Ever Their Fault
When things go wrong, it’s always someone else’s problem.
They never take responsibility. Deflect, deflect, deflect.
Traffic was terrible. Their dog ate their homework. The boss is unreasonably demanding. Their ex is crazy. Their team dropped the ball.
They have an endless supply of excuses. Accountability is foreign. Admitting fault? Unthinkable.
Watch what happens when they mess up. Do they own it or find someone else to blame?
People who can’t admit mistakes can’t be trusted. They’ll throw you under the bus the moment it benefits them.
5. The Truth Keeps Shifting
Lies. Exaggerations. Convenient omissions.
You can never quite trust what they say. They weave intricate stories, hoping you’ll get lost in the details.
Confront them, and they’ll deny everything. Or they’ll tell you that you misunderstood. Or that you’re being too sensitive. Or that it wasn’t that big of a deal anyway.
The only constant is their dishonesty.
Small lies reveal character. If someone lies about trivial things, they’ll lie about important ones too.
6. They Pull Strings You Don’t See
Manipulation comes in many forms. Subtle or overt, they’re always working an angle.
They exploit situations to their advantage, often at your expense.
Charming one moment, calculating the next. They know exactly how to get what they want, even if it means stepping on you.
They’ll frame requests so you feel guilty saying no. They’ll pit people against each other. They’ll rewrite history to make themselves look better.
Their motives are self-serving, no matter how they dress them up.
If you feel like you’re being played, you probably are.
7. Communication Is a Guessing Game
Inconsistent responses, if they respond at all.
Vague. Evasive. Contradictory. Leaves you frustrated and in the dark.
You send a message. Wait. Wonder if they’ll bother replying. When they finally do, it’s a half-hearted effort that raises more questions than it answers.
They’re online, active on social media, just not responding to you. The message is clear: you’re not a priority.
Reliable people communicate reliably. Flaky communication reveals flaky character.
8. Your Feelings Don’t Register
They just don’t care. Your feelings, your needs, and your struggles are secondary to their agenda.
Empathy doesn’t exist in their world.
You share something painful. They change the subject or make it about themselves. You ask for support. They’re too busy. You express hurt. They tell you you’re overreacting.
It’s all about them, all the time.
People who can’t offer basic empathy can’t be trusted with anything that matters. They won’t protect what they don’t value.
9. Your Secrets Aren’t Safe
The things you shared in confidence? No longer private.
They reveal sensitive information, even after you explicitly asked them not to. Your vulnerability becomes their currency.
They’ll justify it. “I only told one person.” “I thought it was okay to share.” “I didn’t think it was that big a deal.”
You learn the hard way that confiding in them was a mistake.
Trust is built by keeping confidences. One betrayal destroys years of trust.
10. Everything Serves Their Interests
Their actions and decisions are driven by self-interest, not genuine concern.
They’ll say and do whatever it takes to get what they want, regardless of the impact on you or others.
Altruism isn’t in their playbook. Every move is calculated.
They help when it makes them look good. They support causes that benefit them. They maintain friendships that serve a purpose.
The moment you stop being useful, you’ll feel the shift.
Watch what people do when there’s nothing in it for them. That reveals who they really are.
11. They Accuse You of What They’re Doing
Their own doubts and mistrust get projected onto you. Suddenly, you’re the one being accused of dishonesty or sneakiness.
Cheaters accuse their partners of cheating. Liars assume everyone lies. Manipulators see manipulation everywhere.
Their paranoia is a reflection of their own behavior, not yours. Pointing fingers is their defense mechanism, deflecting from their own shortcomings.
When someone constantly questions your integrity, check theirs.
12. The Story Keeps Changing
Important facts get twisted or omitted. Details shift.
You’re left wondering what the real truth is.
They recount the same event differently each time. Reality becomes impossible to pin down.
First, they were at the office late. Then they were at dinner with a client. Then they never said they’d be at the office.
Consistency isn’t their strength. Memory problems? Or deliberate confusion?
If you need a spreadsheet to track someone’s stories, walk away.
13. It’s All Charm and No Substance
Smooth-talking. Charming. Adept at making you feel special.
Don’t be fooled. Their focus is solely on themselves.
They use flattery and gifts to win your trust while pursuing their own agenda. Manipulation is their specialty.
They love-bomb at the start. Shower you with attention. Make big promises. Then slowly, the mask slips.
Narcissists are masters at seeming trustworthy. They know what you want to hear. They mirror your values. They make you feel seen.
Until you’re hooked. Then the real person emerges.
Genuine people show you who they are through consistent action. Narcissists show you a performance.
Trust Your Gut
You don’t need all 13 signs to know something’s wrong. Two or three is enough.
Your instincts exist for a reason. That uncomfortable feeling? That’s data.
Trust isn’t something you owe people. It’s something they earn through consistent, reliable behavior over time.
When someone shows you they’re untrustworthy, believe them. Don’t wait for more proof.
Don’t make excuses for them. Neither convince yourself you’re being too harsh.
Pull back. Set boundaries. Walk away if you need to.
The people worth keeping in your life won’t make you question whether you can trust them.
Final Words
Getting burned repeatedly changes you. You become hyperaware of potential betrayals, which makes it harder to trust new people. Psychologists call it betrayal sensitivity.
“Betrayal sensitivity describes how sensitive someone is to experiences of betrayal and the subsequent negative impact of betrayal, and as such could explain why some people are more sensitive to reminders of such betrayals and potential recurrences.” — Howkins & Millar, 2021
The solution isn’t to close off completely. It’s to get better at reading the signs early.
That’s what this list is for. Spot the patterns before you’re in too deep.
√ Also Read: How Narcissists Treat Their Mothers, Brothers, & Sisters?
√ Please share if you found this helpful.
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