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— Reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy.Do you have betrayal sensitivity?
It hurts the most when it comes from those we love the most.
Betrayal is a bitter pill to swallow. We’ve all been there — that sinking feeling when someone we believed we could trust lets us down.
And it’s worse for overthinkers — ruminating on a past betrayal makes them feel more hurt, more vigilant, and more closed.
After being burned one too many times, it gets increasingly hard to open yourself up to a new person. That’s betrayal sensitivity.
“Betrayal sensitivity describes how sensitive someone is to experiences of betrayal and the subsequent negative impact of betrayal, and as such could explain why some people are more sensitive to reminders of such betrayals and potential recurrences.” — Howkins & Millar, 2021
The truth is, we’re wired to see the best in others. So we want to believe in the inherent goodness of our fellow human beings.
But as we learn the hard way, our trust can be all too easily betrayed.
So, to save ourselves from those who never deserve to be trusted, we need to see them from a distance.
What are the warning signs of these untrustworthy people? Read on.
13 Signs of An Untrustworthy Person
1. Inconsistent Behavior
Their actions and words never align. Say one thing, do another. Impossible to pin down.
Leaves you constantly questioning what’s real. You think you have them figured out, then they pull the rug out from under you.
Their behavior is erratic, unpredictable. You can never quite trust that they’ll follow through or be true to their word.
2. Broken Promises
All talk. No follow-through. Commitments made, then abandoned.
Leaves you feeling let down, time and time again. They make grand gestures and declarations, but when it comes time to deliver, they’re nowhere to be found.
Promises evaporate into thin air. You start to wonder if they ever intended to keep their word in the first place.
3. Excessive Secrecy
Guarded. Evasive. Hides details about their life. Keeps you at arm’s length.
What are they hiding?
They reveal just enough to pique your interest, then clam up. Conversations hit dead ends.
Attempts to get closer are met with resistance. The more you try to understand them, the more they shroud themselves in mystery.
4. Shifting Blame
When things go wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault.
Never take responsibility. Deflect, deflect, deflect.
They have an endless arsenal of excuses.
- The traffic was terrible.
- Their dog deleted their work.
- The boss is unreasonably demanding.
Accountability is a foreign concept. Admitting fault? Unthinkable.
It’s a never-ending game of passing the buck.
5. Dishonesty
Lies. Exaggerations. Omissions.
The truth is a moving target.
You can never quite trust what they say. They weave intricate webs of deceit, hoping you’ll get lost in the details.
Confronted, they’ll deny, deflect, or try to convince you that you misunderstood. The only constant is their lack of honesty.
6. Manipulation
Subtle or overt, they pull the strings.
Exploiting situations to their advantage, often at your expense.
Charming one moment, calculating the next. They know exactly how to get what they want, even if it means stepping on you in the process.
Their motives are self-serving, no matter how they try to disguise it.
7. Unreliable Communication
Inconsistent in their responses, if they respond at all.
Vague, evasive, or contradictory. Leaves you feeling frustrated and in the dark.
You send a message, then wait with bated breath, wondering if they’ll even bother to reply.
When they do, it’s usually a half-hearted effort that raises more questions than it answers.
8. Lack of Empathy
They just don’t seem to care. Your feelings, your needs, your struggles — all secondary to their own agenda.
Empathy is a foreign concept.
They’re quick to dismiss your concerns, unwilling to offer support or understanding. It’s all about them, all the time.
9. Betrayal of Confidences
The secrets you shared in trust? No longer safe.
They have a habit of revealing sensitive information, even when you’ve explicitly asked them not to. Your vulnerability becomes their bargaining chip.
You learn the hard way that confiding in them was a mistake.
10. Questionable Motives
Their actions and decisions are driven by self-interest, not genuine concern.
They’ll say and do whatever it takes to get what they want, regardless of the impact on you or others.
Altruism? Not in their playbook. Everything is a calculated move in their own personal game.
11. Projection of Insecurities
Their own doubts and mistrust get projected onto you.
Suddenly, you’re the one being accused of dishonesty or sneakiness.
But the truth is, their paranoia is a reflection of their own issues, not yours.
Pointing fingers is their defense mechanism, a way to deflect from their own shortcomings.
12. Inconsistent Details
The story keeps changing. Important facts get twisted or omitted.
You’re left scratching your head, wondering what the real truth is.
Recounting the same events yields different versions, making it impossible to discern reality from fiction.
Consistency is not their strong suit.
13. Narcissistic Tendencies
Smooth-talking, charming, and adept at making you feel special. But don’t be fooled — their focus is solely on themselves.
Manipulation is their forte, using flattery and gifts to win your trust, all while pursuing their own self-serving agenda.
Watch out for the narcissist’s signals of untrustworthiness:
- Inconsistent Behavior (Around Others): Jekyll and Hyde, that’s the best way to describe them. Their personality does a complete 180 depending on who they’re with. Agreeable and charming in your company, only to turn around and criticize you to others. This two-faced behavior is a glaring red flag of untrustworthiness.
- Inability to Accept Mistakes: Blame, blame, blame. It’s always someone else’s fault. Taking responsibility? Unthinkable. They’ll make excuses, shift the focus, and do anything to avoid owning up to their own errors. Admitting a mistake, in their mind, is a sign of weakness. But true integrity lies in the ability to acknowledge and learn from missteps.
- Habitual Lying & Gaslighting: The truth is a moving target. Lies, half-truths, and evasions are their default mode of operation. When they get caught, they simply brush it off as a joke or downplay it entirely. The narcissist’s gaslighting isn’t a one-time slip-up — it’s a way of life for this person.
- Big Secrets: Evasive behavior is their specialty. Direct questions are met with subject changes or vague responses. Transparency? Not in their playbook. The bigger the secrets they’re keeping, the more they’ll work to conceal them from you. Trust is built on openness, and they’re determined to keep you in the dark.
- Gossip and Criticism of Others: How they speak about their friends and acquaintances when you’re not around is a telling sign. If they frequently engage in gossip or criticism of others, it’s a red flag that they may do the same to you. A trustworthy person lifts others up, not tears them down.
Final Words
Once we develop betrayal sensitivity, we may default to simply swearing off trusting anyone ever again. But it is never a healthy solution.
What’s better is to use those painful lessons as a roadmap. Spot those red flags of an untrustworthy person before they have the chance to damage us.
√ Also Read: How Narcissists Treat Their Mothers, Brothers, & Sisters?
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