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A narcissistic collapse can be joy-sucking and energy-draining. This is how it gets triggered:Narcissists live in their “grandiosity bubble.” This bubble cocoons their inflated self-worth, letting them feel exclusive and superior.
A “narcissistic collapse” occurs when this grandiosity bubble bursts, and they see the reality outside.
It confronts the narcissist with their biggest shame — the self-realization that they are just average, not superior, or special.
It leads to an identity crisis and emotional turmoil. They can lash out, withdraw, or even have symptoms similar to a major depressive episode.
The bubble burst (leading to narcissistic collapse) may be caused by:
- death or departure of a highly loyal narcissistic supply
- major life events — a sacking from their job, a bitter breakup, or public humiliation
- when a person planned to expose them for all to see, forcing them into a breakdown
If you are in narcissistic collapse, feeling cruelly humbled by the world, these strategies can help you understand your state, and come out stronger.
How To Recover From Narcissistic Collapse: 10 Strategies
You can recover. It may take time and hard work, but you can achieve a new sense of self-worth that is more humane and pro-social.
Here are 10 strategies to recover from your narcissistic collapse:
1. Recognize the signs and accept your collapse
First, recognize and accept that you are in narcissistic collapse, and not any mood-off state.
A collapsed narcissist struggles with intense feelings of shame, guilt, regret, and worthlessness.
They desperately try to hide away from the world.
They stop answering calls and messages, reply in short phrases, take unannounced leaves from work, or go on an impromptu trip.
Other signs of narcissistic collapse:
Impulsive behavior, loud self-talk, hostile blame and rage, increased irritability and sensitivity, stopping self-care and personal hygiene, vocalizing self-hate and self-shame.
Sam Vaknin, an internationally recognized expert on narcissism, writes in How Narcissist Experiences His Collapse:
Collapsed narcissists fail to secure narcissistic supply or even self-supply, and … then switch from one type to another (type inconstancy: cerebral-somatic and overt-covert) as a means to secure supply. When type reversion (this switching tactic) fails, it leads to narcissistic mortification, grandiosity bubbles, decompensation, and Borderline-like personality.
These hysterical endeavors sometimes result in boom-bust cycles which involve, in the first stage, the formation of a Grandiosity Bubble, replete with self-supply. Long-term, this can lead to Binary Narcissism.
If even these don’t restore supply, externally or internally, the narcissist opts for one of these solutions: The Delusional Narrative Solution, The Antisocial Solution, The Paranoid Schizoid Solution, The Paranoid Aggressive (Explosive) Solution, or The Masochistic Avoidant Solution.
Give your chaotic mind some time to reflect on your collapse. However, emotional overwhelm can make it hard to think in a rational and organized way. A better way would be to write down the thoughts.
Find the time when the collapse started. Analyze how exactly it made you feel.
You could label what you’re going through: “I recognize it is a state of collapse. I am feeling frustration and anger.” This will help you come to terms with your reality and take the necessary steps for recovery.
Note: If you are a covert narcissist, you may be in a permanent state of collapse. Sam Vaknin says covert narcissists are constantly frustrated — because they never attract narcissistic supply, get fame, accomplish things, or draw attention to themselves. This makes them repeat their defeats.
2. Establish boundaries with others
Next, set boundaries with those who taunt you or make you feel worse. This means marking out a clear line between yourself and those who played a part in your narcissistic collapse.
Now, distancing yourself from people who trigger or insult you is not being escapist. It is building a secure fence that declares to them what behaviors you will accept/reject from now on.
Boundaries protect you from further emotional pain while you are still vulnerable.
Your boundaries also tell you that you have taken a proactive step toward your healing process.
Setting boundaries in relationships is actually taking care of your own mental health.
Also set boundaries with more successful narcissists around you. Their success may trigger more shame in you.
3. Practice self-awareness
Self-awareness means being present and honest with yourself about your own feelings and actions.
First, be brutally honest with yourself. Self-assess which behaviors hurt others. Accept truthfully how those actions made you feel safe or good, but they were wrong to do.
Self-reflection is a telescope to spot the dark aspects of your behavior.
Self-awareness helps you foresee your disturbing behaviors before you act them out. You learn to create a space between the stimulus and your response.
Actually, all of us should cultivate a habit of daily reflection on the parts of our behavior that are not socially healthy.
Self-introspection encourages you to be more authentic yet kind, allowing others to feel unattacked around you.
4. Treat yourself with self-compassion
Self-compassion involves practicing:
- Self-kindness (not being critical or judgmental of your mistakes and shortcomings),
- Common humanity (recognizing that every human has difficult moments), and
- Mindfulness (observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment).
Start by realizing that you deserve your own kindness and compassion. You are allowed to treat yourself with the same understanding and care that you would extend to a friend or loved one.
Your self-compassionate mindset can serve as a powerful antidote to negative self-talk. It helps you to be more accepting of your negative emotions, reducing your anxiety and depression.
It can help you build a more positive self-image and bounce back faster and stronger from setbacks and challenges.
So, make it a routine to treat yourself gently and kindly, as you would your best friend.
5. Reach out to supportive people
You don’t have to go through your recovery process all by yourself.
Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or even support groups.
Social connections are a major source of inspiration, helping us make positive changes, correct our course, and get out of emotional distress. They are your hammock as well as your sounding board.
Talking about your experiences with people who are supportive can help you form a strong network of understanding and support.
It’s not just about sharing your own story, but also about listening to others. Other people’s experiences and viewpoints can give you new insights and learnings.
Seek help from supportive friends, family, or support groups.
6. Focus on personal growth
Your recovery must involve growth and strength.
You want to recover into someone better than your old self.
You need dedicated time and committed effort to foster personal growth. Set aside a few hours every day, and a longer time on weekends.
Fill out your calendar in advance with fun activities. You could pick up a new hobby, master a new skill, travel to a new place, and build relationships with people with positive values.
These can gradually add to your overall sense of self-worth, helping you to create more balance and happiness in your life and work.
When you decide and commit to growing, you’re not just recovering, but also building resilience against the possibility of another narcissistic collapse.
So, make personal growth a priority, to bounce back stronger.
7. Grow empathy toward others
Growing empathy can be a transformative step in your healing process.
Empathy allows you to understand and appreciate the feelings of others.
Empathy helps you see past your own perspectives and interests, and control your narcissistic tendencies to manipulate others.
It can help you foster more pleasant relationships with others.
They accept you when they see you trying to relate to them without being selfish or exploitative. This reinforces your sense of belonging and meaningfulness in life.
With time, taking that extra effort o understand others can also gain a better understanding of yourself.
So, learn to cultivate empathy; it can be a powerful tool in your recovery from a narcissistic collapse.
8. Practice humility with all you meet
Keeping a humble attitude while letting go of your usual grandiosity can be a great tool in our healing kit.
Humility allows you to accept that you don’t always have the answers and that you are not always right. It opens you up to learn from others.
A modest attitude can help you break away from your habitual narcissistic tendencies and invite healthier relationships.
Humility also prompts self-reflection, letting you see areas for rectification and improvement.
So, embrace humility in your daily life, as we all should to make our social spheres more transparent and share-worthy.
9. Mindfulness & Self-Care Routine
A self-care and mindfulness routine are helpful practices to help recover from a narcissistic collapse.
Here is a simple self-care routine:
- Wake up and stretch. Take a few minutes to stretch your body and wake up your muscles. This will help you feel more refreshed and energized for the day ahead.
- Take a warm bath or shower. This can be a great way to relax and de-stress. You may add some essential oils or bath salts to your bath for an extra boost of relaxation.
- Get some exercise. Physical activity can be a beneficial way to prevent depression and to maintain both your physical and emotional well-being. Even a short walk or bike ride can make a positive difference.
- Eat healthy. Choose foods high in protein (fish, eggs, meat) and fiber (fruits, vegetables, nuts). Keep high-glycemic carbohydrates (sugar, white bread, white rice) away from your plate.
- Spend time in nature. Being in nature has several benefits for happiness. Take some time to go for a walk in the park, sit in your backyard, or even just look out the window at some trees.
- Do something you enjoy. Whether it’s reading, listening to music, or spending time with loved ones, make sure to do something that you enjoy each day. This will help you to relax and de-stress.
- Take some time for yourself. This may mean taking a bath, reading a book, or simply sitting in silence. Whatever you do, make sure to take some time for yourself each day to relax and recharge.
A self-care routine to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. Start small, be consistent, and get help if you need it.
Mindfulness is being fully present and engaged in the current moment. Being more mindful helps you understand your emotions and triggers and reactions better.
Try this R.A.I.N. Method of Mindfulness Meditation.
10. Seek professional help
There’s no shame in asking for help from a professional.
One of the most helpful things to do for your recovery is to seek help from a counselor who specializes in narcissism.
You can reach out to an experienced cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy (CBT) therapist.
- They can give you valuable insights into your thought patterns and behaviors.
- They can help you interpret things differently and think and act your way out of your collapse.
- They can guide you on how to process your unresolved emotions and learn better ways to cope with your situation.
You also feel secure in opening up about your vulnerabilities with them, which is vital for your healing.
Here are the main points from Dr. Sam Vaknin’s Collapsed Narcissist in Therapy:
- Narcissists voluntarily do not seek therapy.
- Convincing a narcissist to go to therapy is challenging.
- The narcissist attending therapy requires extreme circumstances.
- Multiple aspects of the narcissist’s life (relationships, family, business, and reputation) must collapse for them to consider therapy.
- Narcissists attend therapy only when they have hit rock bottom.
- They attend therapy to fix their perception of malfunction.
- The therapist aims to reconstruct the narcissist’s life for increased functionality.
- Therapy helps narcissistic clients become more functional and less energy-consuming.
What Happens After Narcissistic Collapse
After a narcissistic collapse, the narcissist might find themselves feeling exposed and vulnerable. They may experience feelings of being shattered, betrayed, rejected, and excluded.
It may seem that the confident, controlled persona they once presented to the world appears to have crumbled, revealing a person who is hurt and broken.
This collapse is often triggered by a big life event or a relationship ending, that breaks down their self-image.
In the worst of times, they may feel hopeless and helpless while trying to reconcile with their new reality.
FAQs
How long does narcissistic collapse last?
Narcissist collapse can last a few weeks to a few months. Therapy can shorten the recovery period. Collapse is typically short and less than a year, though in some cases it can run into years. To note, Sam Vaknin says, “Covert narcissists are in a permanent state of collapse.”
What are the stages of narcissistic collapse?
The stages of narcissistic collapse are similar to the DABDA grief response model: : denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
1. Denial: The narcissist may deny that anything is wrong and refuse to acknowledge any criticism or negative feedback.
2. Anger: The narcissist may become angry and defensive when their behavior is questioned or criticized.
3. Bargaining: The narcissist may try to negotiate or make deals to avoid facing the consequences of their behavior.
4. Depression: The narcissist may experience feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair when they realize that their behavior has led to negative consequences.
5. Acceptance: The narcissist may come to accept that their behavior has caused harm and take steps to change their behavior or seek help.What narcissistic collapse?
A narcissistic collapse is a state of self-defeat, self-deprecation, self-rejection and self-loathing, that is caused by a rupture of their “grandiosity bubble.” A collapsed narcissist can have mood swings, act irrationally, or hide from others. There is often a marked decrease in self-confidence and self-aggrandizement. They can also become acutely defensive, controlling, or aggressive.
What are the signs of a “covert” narcissistic collapse?
Covert narcissistic collapse signs:
Social withdrawal, passive-aggressive behavior, posture of inferiority, feelings of failure, defeat, and self-deficit, frustration, or self-directed aggression.They start seeking validation through indirect (unobvious) means, like wallowing in self-pity, playing the victim, or guilt-tripping others.
They may become more aggressive and turn into malignant covert narcissists to regain control of their self-image and self-importance.
What is the impact of a breakup on narcissistic collapse?
A breakup can significantly worsen a narcissistic collapse. Due to the loss of their primary source of validation and support, the narcissist’s self-esteem might rapidly decline. In some cases, this can lead to a crippling sense of rejection and despair, further intensifying the emotional turmoil of the collapse.
What role does silent treatment play in narcissistic collapse?
Silent treatment is often used in narcissist collapse. The narcissist stops talking, showing affection, or giving attention to others. This is an attempt to regain importance and control, and reassert their power. Sometimes, this tactic may backfire, worsen their emotional instability, and push them toward narcissistic breakdown.
Can narcissists recover from a collapse?
Yes, recovery is possible for narcissists experiencing a collapse. However, the process can be challenging and requires commitment and effort to change deeply ingrained behaviors and thought patterns. It often involves professional therapy or counseling to address the root causes and teach new coping strategies to navigate future psychological challenges.
Final Words
Key points for handling narcissistic collapse recovery:
- Accept there’s a problem and that you need to change. Ponder your actions.
- Rebuild relationships with friends and family. Have open talks. Listen to their advice.
- Do things you enjoy (without harming others), set boundaries, and try new adventures.
- Work on improving and growing as a person. Find healthy ways to deal with stress and despair.
- Get help from a therapist; they can provide helpful tools to handle the narcissist collapse.
√ Also Read: Are You Emotionally Damaged But Don’t Know The Signs?
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