Reading time: 7 minutes
Narcissists love drama. So, they use reverse psychology on you to make you teary, angry, sad, and even crazy, at will.
It’s another of their mind games they are excellent at.
Reverse psychology is when you tell a person to do the opposite of what you want them to do. And they end up doing what you secretly wanted them to do.
Why do you fall for them? Because, spotting a narcissist isn’t easy. They seem charming and caring people at first.
You only get to see their evil side later in the relationship. By then, you’re trying to avoid their triggering comments and behaviors. And walking on eggshells to keep them happy.
But if you learn to use reverse psychology on a narcissist, you can stop being manipulated by them. You can get back control and stop having to ask them to validate your needs.
But first, a little primer on reverse psychology.
Reverse Psychology 101
Reverse psychology is suggesting the opposite of what you want someone to do.
You know they would resist a direct request. So, by proposing the opposite action, you discreetly encourage them to do what you actually desire.
It is an ingenious mind trick that plays on the idea is that people want to assert their independence and resist being told what to do.
- Example 1: A parent wants their child to clean their room. Instead of saying, “Please clean your room,” the parent might say, “I guess you don’t want to have a clean room.” By suggesting the opposite, the child may feel motivated to prove the parent wrong and end up cleaning their room anyway.
- Example 2: A partner wants the other to choose a restaurant for dinner, so they say, “I know you probably want to go to that new Italian place, but I guess you can just pick whatever you want.” By recommending that the other person might not want to choose the Italian restaurant, it could prompt them to actually choose it to assert their preference.
Experts refer to reverse psychology as Strategic Self-Anticonformity (SSA).
Read on if you want to win against narcissists at reverse psychology.
How To Use Reverse Psychology On A Narcissist
Here are some ways:
- Suggest the Opposite: If you want them to do something, tell them not to do it. For example, say, “I wouldn’t expect you to help with this.” This can prompt them to prove you wrong by taking action.
- Create a Challenge: Frame your request as a challenge. For example, say, “I bet you can’t resist showing everyone how capable you are by handling this.” This can tap into their desire to showcase their abilities, encouraging them to take the desired action.
- Set Low Expectations: Say something like, “I don’t expect you to care about this, but if you do, that would be impressive.” This can motivate them to exceed your expectations and take action.
- Be Nonchalant: Approach the situation with a casual attitude. For example, say, “It’s fine if you don’t want to help. I can manage on my own.” This might prompt them to step in just to assert their importance.
- Flatter Them: While not strictly reverse psychology, flattering them can appeal to their ego. For instance, say, “I know you’re great at making decisions. I’m sure you’ll choose the best option here.” This can motivate them to act in a way that aligns with your desires.
[If you have a narcissist in your life, you must read: How To Confuse A Narcissist?]
Mastering Reverse Psychology On A Narcissist
- Imply that they originated the idea: Narcissists crave control and love to feel like the mastermind behind decisions. So, present your suggestions in such a way that they feel like the idea was theirs. For example, say, “It’s surprising that someone as great as you haven’t yet learned Kon-Mari, the Japanese art of tidying up!”
- Unveil their fear of loss: Narcissists hate losing or being perceived as anything less than the best. Tap into this fear by subtly proposing that not following your idea could result in a loss for them. Frame it as a potential setback rather than a direct threat.
- Play their game of superiority: Since narcissists see themselves as superior and more intelligent, use this to present your idea as something only a superior intellect could understand and execute. This can motivate them to engage with your suggestion.
- Use a scenario-based training example: Imagine you’re working with a narcissist on a project and want their cooperation. Instead of saying, “We need to work together on this,” try this: “I don’t know if you’d be interested in collaborating on this. It might be too intellectually challenging for most people.” This encourages them to prove their intellectual prowess by willingly cooperating.
- Apply what you learned: In real-life situations, be subtle. Being too obvious with reverse psychology can backfire. Try different combinations and see how they react. Did they get triggered into rage or silence or defensiveness, or did they take the bait? Then fine-tune your strategies.
- Remember ethical considerations: Keep this in mind: Using reverse psychology on narcissists is not about manipulation. It’s about facilitating smoother conversations and more effective interactions in situations where you must work with such individuals. Always use these methods responsibly and ethically.
[By the way, here are 10 Covert Ways To Manipulate & Exploit A Narcissist]
Theory of Reverse Psychology
The foundation of reverse psychology is built on the psychological theories of reactance and recuperation.
1. Reactance Theory
- Reactance theory says that when individuals sense a threat to their personal freedom, they often rebel by doing the opposite of what they are told (Brehm, 1966).
- When someone feels their freedom is being restricted, it creates unease, motivating them to take action to restore that freedom.
- For example, parents may feign mild displeasure with their rebellious teenager’s new romantic interest, hoping that their lack of enthusiasm will actually promote the relationship.
2. Recuperation Principle
- Recuperation principle suggests that individuals may become more attracted to ideas or behaviors that are restricted or limited (Brehm & Brehm, 1981).
- Reverse psychology, also known as strategic self-anticonformity (SSA), leverages these human tendencies to guide individuals toward desired outcomes.
Practical Vantages of Reverse Psychology
- Reverse psychology can be a powerful tool for persuasion and influence.
- It is particularly effective when dealing with resistant, contrarian, or defiant individuals.
- It can be applied in various contexts, including parenting, negotiation, sales, and more.
- MacDonald & Nail (2010) suggest that reverse psychology, or strategic self-anticonformity (SSA), is a prevalent influence tactic in real-world scenarios.
Final Words
Reverse psychology is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Its success depends on the narcissist and the situation. Those who can easily detect you’re trying to control them won’t respond well to reverse psychology.
Remember, you are trying to influence a narcissist to do something they are reluctant to do. Take these two precautions:
- Avoid using it too often — it could let the narcissist catch on, making it ineffective.
- Do not use it on a malignant narcissist—the most cruel and evil type of narcissist.
√ Also Read: 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding: Trap of A Toxic Relationship
√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.
• Our Story!