10 Signs Of A Narcissist Husband: Red Flags To Not Miss

📅 6 Sep 2024 • 📖 9 min read

— By Dr. Sandip Roy.

Living with a narcissistic husband can be indescribably difficult.

The mildest of their abuse is making their wives feel lonely and unloved. The severe parts are:

Getting furious and abusive without any warning.
Telling you that you and your achievements are worthless.
Making you believe that you deserve to be punished by them.

You often wonder why you’re stuck with such a volatile person. You often question yourself if you are going insane.

Male narcissistic husbands can be especially dangerous, giving long-term physical and emotional scars to their wives.

There is no cure for dark personality disorders like narcissism and psychopathy. So don’t live under a sham belief that your love can cure them.

Learn to recognize them by noticing these signs of a narcissistic husband.

Ten Signs of A Narcissistic Husband

1. They Can Get Violent To Manipulate You.

Narcissistic husbands try to keep their wives under their control by using several manipulation tactics, starting with love bombing.

Then they use gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or blame-shifting.

When you resist or stop reacting to their insults, they may use psychological violence and physical cruelty.

A violent narcissist is a frustrated-angry person who has failed at their attempts to control you. Violence is their last resort.

Even if there isn’t actual violence, the constant feeling that something bad might happen can create a toxic home environment.

The victim-wife feels constantly on edge, second-guessing herself, and struggling to assert her own needs and feelings.
She can simply shut herself down, deeply damaging her self-trust, her ability to share her opinions, and even smile or laugh at her will in the relationship.

Why do narcissists do it? Because if they control you, they can get away with their worst wrongdoings without being held responsible.

2. They Always Show A Sense of Entitlement.

Entitlement means the perceived right to have something. Narcissists believe they are special and therefore entitled to special treatment.

These husbands think their wives should treat them like royalty and put their own needs ahead of theirs.

They expect unquestioning compliance with their demands and expectations. And get upset if they feel their wife or children haven’t respected them in any way.

They may also struggle with boundaries, feeling entitled to do whatever they want without considering their partner’s feelings.

This sense of entitlement often manifests in manipulative behaviors that can have a significant impact on the spouse and the relationship.

3. They Lack Empathy (But Fake Being Empathetic).

A narcissistic husband finds it difficult to understand the feelings of his wife, even when she shares her concerns.

He isn’t too concerned with his wife’s problems and doesn’t want to take care of her physical and emotional needs.

If you notice, such a person also does not share his vulnerabilities, losses, and acts of stupidity with his closest ones. He feels it would be like giving them the ammunition to use against him in the future.

This lack of empathy can lead to insensitive behavior and difficulty forming meaningful, emotional connections.

It’s more than just being out of touch; it’s a fundamental inability to recognize and respond to the feelings and needs of others, especially their wife.

This emotional void can create a cold and distant relationship where the wife feels unheard and unimportant.

Over time, the lack of empathy can erode trust and mutual respect, leading to a breakdown in communication and intimacy within the marriage.

4. They Exploit Others (And You) For Personal Gain.

Narcissistic husbands often manipulate their wives to get what they want, viewing them more as a means to an end rather than a partner to be cherished.

They may use emotional blackmail, gaslighting, or other tactics to control their wife, bending her will to meet their own needs and desires.

This can include exploiting her emotions, finances, or even her relationships with friends and family.

They may also try to isolate their spouse from friends and family, making it harder for her to leave the relationship or seek support.

This isolation is often a calculated move to increase dependence and make the wife feel trapped.

The exploitation of others for personal gain is not just a one-time event; it’s a consistent pattern.

It reveals their lack of empathy and a willingness to put personal gain above the well-being of others, especially the wife.

It’s a red flag of a narcissistic husband and a clear pointer that the marriage is unhealthy and damaging.

5. They Have A Unrealistic Sense of Self-Importance.

Narcissistic husbands have a grandiose view of themselves.

They see themselves as superior and believe they are unique and special.

This exaggerated sense of self-importance often leads to arrogance and a disregard for the feelings and needs of others.

They are self-centered, entitled, lack empathy, and have a grandiose view of themselves.

These traits often manifest in manipulative behaviors that can have a significant impact on the spouse and the relationship.

6. They Fantasize About Being Successful & Powerful.

Narcissistic husbands often fantasize about achieving great success, having immense power, or being exceptionally attractive.

These fantasies can be so consuming that they lose touch with reality. It’s not just daydreaming; these fantasies can become a central part of their identity and how they present themselves to the world.

They may expect their wife to support and even participate in these illusions, leading to unrealistic expectations and demands within the relationship.

If challenged or faced with reality, they may react with anger or denial, refusing to acknowledge any gap between their fantasies and real life.

This preoccupation can create a disconnect with those around them, including their wife, and lead to dissatisfaction and frustration within the marriage.

7. They Are Envious/Jealous of Others (Even You).

Narcissistic husbands often feel envious when others achieve success or receive attention, including their own wives.

They may become resentful or try to undermine others’ achievements.

This envy can show itself as indirect hostile remarks, attempts to belittle the achievements of others, or even outright aggression.

They also feel threatened by their wife’s friendships or personal achievements, not just by her professional or material success.

This behavior can create tension and conflict within the relationship, making it challenging to celebrate successes openly and honestly.

8. They Always Seek Admiration & Validation.

A narcissistic husband is constantly in search of validation and praise from others.

They feed off compliments and can become upset or even angry when they don’t receive the admiration they believe they deserve.

This relentless need for attention and validation can leave you, as their spouse, feeling neglected and unimportant.

It’s like walking on eggshells, never knowing what might trigger your partner’s anger next.

This constant state of tension can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

9. They Lie Frequently, Reasonlessly.

Narcissistic husbands may frequently lie or exaggerate to make themselves appear better or more important. They may also lie to manipulate situations in their favor.

These lies can range from small embellishments to significant deceptions and are often aimed at maintaining a certain image or control within the relationship.

The lying might extend to their interactions with friends, family, or colleagues, creating a web of deceit that can become difficult to maintain.

Over time, this pattern of dishonesty can erode trust and create a profound disconnect between the husband and wife, leading to a strained and unhealthy relationship.

10. They Cannot Easily Handle Criticism.

Narcissistic husbands often react poorly to criticism. They may become angry, defensive, or even aggressive when their flaws are pointed out.

Being married to a narcissistic husband can be emotionally draining.

Narcissist husbands drain you emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

“Narcissists are like vampires. They need to feed off of your energy,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, professor of psychology, media expert, and author.

If you notice any of these signs in your husband, it is important to seek help and support.

A narcissist would rather kill a crocodile than apologize.

How To Deal With Your Narcissistic Husband

Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a priority. Focus more on your own needs and mental well-being than your husband’s.
Talk To Your Supporters: Reach out to friends, family, or abuse-recovery groups for emotional support, especially if you are fully dependent on your abusive husband.
Set Boundaries: Identify and write down your boundaries. Then tell them to your husband, making sure they understand and agree. Learn how to set boundaries.
Be Assertive: Work on your self-confidence. Be assertive and firm when speaking with your husband. Express your needs and wants. Courage is not being unafraid, but taking action despite being afraid.
Avoid Power Struggles: Don’t engage him in arguments or power struggles. Don’t give him a chance to trigger you into conflicts.
Seek Professional Help: Stay watchful of your emotional well-being. Talk to a mental health professional about how to deal with the challenges of narcissistic relationships.

Final Words

The four main issues with a narcissistic husband are:

They don’t apologize (or give fake apologies) for their mistakes.
They are mostly robotic in connecting with their partner on an emotional level.
They violate their wife’s boundaries and personal space, feeling entitled to do so.
They can’t reciprocate love, intimacy, and vulnerability in a non-transactional manner.

As their wife, try to look after your emotional health. Don’t cut ties with people who love and support you. Save money (whether you have a job or not) to sustain yourself if they are to abandon you.

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