Narcissistic abuse can leave deep emotional scars that may never be healed.
Many victims carry aggression and the desire for revenge for the times they suffered the consequences of narcissistic rage.
Do you have bottled-up rage and hurt from years of bullying by a narcissist? But you can’t be like them.
So, how can you get your revenge on a narcissist without falling to their level and becoming abusive yourself?
How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist: 7 Satisfying Ways
Before you seek revenge, remember that narcissists are victims who were psychologically abused as children, causing them to hurt others as adults. Many experts believe that narcissism is a defense mechanism.
However, allowing a narcissist to abuse and exploit you only validates their toxic behavior and worsens their condition.
Find out how to leave a narcissist, even if you have no money, and be free.
Here are 7 satisfying ways on how to get back at a narcissist:
1. Change Your Looks & Attitude
Fair warning: this method seems simplistic, but happens to work more often than not to get even with a narcissist.
It is a popular way, especially among women, to deal with a breakup by radically changing one’s hairstyle and dressing style.
- The drastic change makes the statement, “This me is no longer the one you used to know.”
- Their new look is also a message to themselves, “The best revenge is to be happy.”
Narcissists are self-absorbed people who take pride in their appearance. This method to take revenge on your narcissist often works to your satisfaction.
Get a fresh look, a cheery attitude, and new friends.
It makes them envy you and your newfound happiness.
You might make them feel even more uneasy if you posted your enhanced looks on social media and asked your friends to celebrate the “new you.” It proves how much more popular you are than them.
When finding new friends, relationship counselors warn against getting into a rebound relationship.
Rebound relationships are problematic—they often create an illusion of love while doing little to resolve wounds from the last romantic breakup.
People who were fast to rebound experienced some personally beneficial outcomes such as high self-esteem, but their new relationship outcomes and feelings toward their ex-partner were more ambiguous. — Brumbaugh & Fraley, Too fast, too soon?, 2014
2. Set Boundaries With Them
Boundaries are the limits of acceptable behavior that you define for yourself and those who interact with you.
Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. It is preemptive revenge since it prevents you from avenging their horrific acts.
By marking clear and firm boundaries, you communicate to the narcissist what actions of theirs you will, and will not, tolerate.
- declaring a certain rule, and
- letting them know what you will do if they break it.
Say, you set a rule that you will not allow being spoken to disrespectfully or shouted at abusively. You can then enforce this boundary by refusing to engage with the narcissist if they violate it.
Just warning them “There will be consequences” won’t work.
Make it very clear what you shall do if they overstep your boundary.
3. Go “No Contact” For Some Time
If you want to take grounded revenge on a narcissist, go “no contact” with them.
This means cutting off all communication with them for some time.
- Often, the only way to stop abuse in long-term narcissistic relationships is to go “no contact.” This allows you, the victim, to heal by giving you time, space, self-care, and psychological safety.
- In some ways, when you are cutting them off, you are helping them — by making them realize that they must act to end their cycle of abuse.
While you’re not in contact, you may expose their mistreatment of you and how much anguish they caused you to the public or a few close friends.
A narcissist will make great efforts to regain your trust. And they will succeed if you do not take preparatory steps before going “no contact.”
- Make sure you inform them that you will be unreachable for a set period of time.
- Tell them you’re doing it to get away from their abusive behavior for your mental health.
- They must not try to contact you during this time. If they do, you will end your relationship with them.
A somewhat similar strategy is “gray rocking” the narcissist.
4, Cut Them Out Of Your Life
The most important step in getting revenge on a narcissist is to cut them out of your life completely.
This means permanently ending all contact with them, whether that means unfollowing them on social media, blocking their number, or even moving to a different city.
This means permanently ending all contact with them, whether that means unfollowing them on social media, blocking their number, or even moving to a different city. This is
By cutting the narcissist out of your life, you are taking back your power and control.
You are also depriving the narcissist of their main source of narcissistic supply – your attention and admiration.
Without you to feed their ego, the narcissist will be forced to look elsewhere for validation.
Surely, you will feel shaky to leave familiar surroundings and people, but you must find the courage to create a better tomorrow for yourself.
5. Don’t Re-engage With Them
Once you have cut the narcissist out of your life, avoid any further contact with them.
This means not responding to their calls, texts, or messages, and not engaging with them on social media.
By not re-engaging with the narcissist, you are denying them the opportunity to manipulate and control you all over again.
You are also sending a clear message that their behavior was unacceptable and that you have had enough of it in a lifetime.
This is a positive way of taking revenge because it allows you to heal from the trauma you have endured over the years.
But if you return to them and re-trust them because they seem miserable and lonely, then they will get their unhealthy revenge. They will eventually devolve into their cruel behavior.
6. Build A Support System
Building a social support system outside the narcissistic relationship is a kind of poetic revenge. Read on to find out why it is so.
When they push you out, or when you leave them, you will have people to fall back on and places to spend the night.
It is sweet revenge because you will not be suffering the harsh fate they had in mind for you at the time.
Remember that a narcissist will always try to isolate you from your family and friends. Don’t let that happen.
Always stay in touch with friends and family members who support and understand you.
Your support system will be your strength during difficult times, and provide you with physical and emotional support when you are at your lowest.
Stages of Narcissistic Collapse
7. Take The Best Revenge: Move on.
Narcissists are self-centered, entitled, exploitative, and uncaring people who abuse compulsively.
They will not change on their own, nor will you be able to change them, so don’t even try.
If you have a narcissist in your life, the best thing you can do for your mental sanity and balance is to leave them and move on.
The narcissist has a problem, not you. They are looking for an ego boost and attention from others.
When you give them what they want, you make it easier for them to continue their behavior because you validate their actions and choices.
If you want to take the ultimate revenge on a narcissist, leave them.
You are done playing the victim. Move out of the relationship even if you have no money, and don’t look back.
Act like a fiercely independent person in command of your own decisions and destiny. Escape the cage.
Sticking with them or feeling sorry for them makes you an enabler of their narcissism.
You don’t need them and they don’t need you, even if you believe otherwise. So, move on.
Dealing with a narcissist can be extremely traumatic. They can mentally scar their victims to the point that they may never recover.
A narcissistic husband I have known used to threaten his wife, “I’ll break your legs if you disrespect me again.” He even hit her several times on her legs. As she got old, she developed a walking disability and now cannot walk without using a walker or the support of walls.
Finally, if you are the victim of a narcissist, seek support from a qualified therapist to help you heal and recover.
Narcissistic Rage can be fatal.
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Author Bio: Researched and reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy. His expertise is in mental well-being, positive psychology, narcissism, and Stoic philosophy.
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