How To Leave A Narcissist, With No Money (And Be Free)

✅ Today's Sunday • 📖 11 mins read

It’s hard to leave a narcissistic relationship. And it’s even a harder decision when you have no money of your own.

Narcissists start early in taking control of your life and resources. They make you financially dependent on them, so you can’t just walk out of the relationship.

Frankly, it doesn’t take them long to start their cycle of abuse. It only takes you a long to notice.

So if you’ve ever considered leaving the narcissist, tell yourself that you already made your decision. You are just waiting for the right moment.

But that moment is not right now.

It may seem poetic justice to walk out of your abuser’s house in the same dress you’re standing in right now. You ghost them and discard them forever. To be honest, doing so without a plan is a risky idea.

You can do better. Read on to find the most practical tips to leave your narcissist.

How to leave a narcissist with no money?

Realize that your narcissist will have their eyes on you, even if you depend on them for financial support. They go with the belief that you are always looking to leave them.

To prevent you from leaving, they will occasionally show you kindness and love, restart love bombing, or bring you gifts.

So, once you decide to abandon them, take extreme caution to keep your decision hidden from them. Because, even if they appear soft or weak, their minds are ready to snap into action at any time.

Have no pity for them. They don’t have any for you. Your narcissist will leave you when they are done with you. Do the same before they discard you, even if they are dependent on you in some way.

In fact, they would have taken all of your money and possessions long ago if they had the chance. They didn’t because they couldn’t trap another person to replace the narcissistic supply you provide them.

5 Steps When You Leave A Narcissist With No Money

Here’s how to exit a narcissistic relationship when you have no money:

1. Prepare before it’s time.

Once you decide to leave, make a detailed plan. Give yourself at least 2 weeks to plan it all. Make many lists: things to take, things to do, and things to undo.

• Secure your money and resources. Gather your important documents. Gather every valuable thing. Keep them in a new bank safe.
• Log out of all your internet accounts. Change all your passwords. Check your devices and bags for trackers.
• Send some of the things to your new address, or ask the person you’ll move in with to carry your things with them. You may also make trips to your new place with a few things each time.
• Make sure that your exit is a quick one. Quickly pack everything that you made lists of, and leave.
• If you’d like, take the things you gave them as gifts. But leave behind any gift that they gave you.
• Plan to slip out when the narcissist is away for at least half a day.

2. Gather social support.

Build your army in secret, months ago.

Narcissists always try to isolate you from your social support system. They can turn you and your friends, family, and even colleagues against each other. This has a name: Coercive Control.

So gather as much support as you can. Reach out to friends and family. Reconnect with people you lost touch with, even if it feels shameful because you cut them off when you got together with the narcissist.

If some of them would rather not reconnect, don’t bother them.

People may not help you directly or even indirectly, but they will know you are leaving the narcissist. This creates a trail of witnesses who can help you if you file a case against the narcissist for using force on you.

Get help from narcissist abuse survivor groups if your friends or family say they can’t put you up. Look for a domestic helpline or emergency shelters that can provide free stays of 30 to 90 days. Register with your local HUD (Housing and Urban Development) office to help get subsidized housing.

You may consult a divorce attorney specialized in divorces of narcissistic and abusive relationships.

If you feel your narcissist is dangerous and may stalk you or harm you, let the police know beforehand. Report what they have done to you over the years and what they might do.

Don’t hesitate to call 911.

Even if they become extra gentle to you, and stop their physical and mental abuse on you, don’t believe their good behavior or flattery. You have to pay back for their flattery by being obedient to their bad behavior.

2. Get an independent income.

A narcissist’s financials are opaque. You will never actually know how much they make or how much they spend.

Narcissists make one-sided money decisions when it comes to people who depend on them. If you don’t have an independent income, they will dictate your entire financial budget.

• Before you move out, make sure you have the money to pay off your debts. Arrange to have some spare cash on you.
• Find out beforehand how much it will cost to rent an apartment for three months, including all related expenses.
• If you owe your creditors but do not have the money, borrow from friends or take a personal loan to settle their debt.

Get a job. Get a second job, if necessary.

Keep some extra money, so you can wade out of an emergency.

If you need to, borrow money via a loan, start a separate account, liquidate your assets, and put it in that account.

If you can’t get a loan or borrow money, put money aside every paycheck, even if it is only a few dollars.

When you get a job, you can start paying off your debts and loans.

When you start to pay everyone on time, it will give you time to think over what you want to do. It will let you peacefully plan how you can add to your skills, so you may use them to increase your income.

Make sure you can pay for your child support, health expenses, and alimony.

Setting down in financial comfort is often a long rollercoaster ride.

Don’t rush anything. Practice wisdom-laced patience.

4. Don’t look for closure.

People often look for closure when they end their relationships. Don’t make that mistake with a narcissist.

First, they will never give you closure. You’re fooling yourself if you expect a farewell party or a final ride with them. Expect nothing good from this person; just move one knowing it’s over forever.

Don’t tell them you are leaving; don’t leave a goodbye note. Just leave without any announcement.

If they were to get a whiff of your plan to leave them, they can make your life hell.

When you leave, the main thought making rounds in their head is that You discarded them before they could. And that bites them viciously; it’s their ultimate narcissistic injury.

Keep yourself safe from the narcissist’s anger and harsh words. Move on without closure.

5. Don’t rush into another relationship.

This is quite common: walking into a rebound affair with another narcissist.

Narcissists wrap you in trauma bonding, so you feel empty without their presence.

Once you leave them, they have conditioned you such that you will often fall back on remembering the good things you have done together.

You even fantasize that if they come begging to get you back, this time you will control them and heal them after you accept them.

But it won’t happen. Neither with your old narcissistic relationship nor with any new narcissist.

Dark personalities like psychopaths and narcissists are like scorpions; they will sting you at the first instance they get.

Don’t give them a second chance. They can do bad things to you even if they see you’re hurting and in pain. They lack emotional empathy.

They don’t take time to insult you. It is only you who fails to take serious notice of those behaviors as abuse.

Your mind might replay the pleasant memories you had with them, and nudge you to go back. However, know that you don’t have to always go by what your thoughts tell you.

A narcissist doesn’t like you because they love you. They like you because you provide the narcissist with what they need – their narcissistic supply.

All their acts of “liking and loving” you are their tolerating you so that they can manipulate you. It’s like, “I did these for you, now you do these for me.”

They are hypocritical, entitled people who believe the rules do not apply to them, letting them take advantage of you without shame.

Actually, they dislike you. Devaluation, manipulation, and discard are all they will ever have for you.

12 Tips Before Leaving Your Narcissist

1. Plan meticulously and secretly: Careful planning without the narcissist’s knowledge helps ensure your safety and prevents manipulation or sabotage during the exit process.
2. Become financially independent before leaving: Establishing your own financial stability means you won’t be trapped or controlled through money once you leave.
3. Establish closures from a narcissist; their control over abuse will end: Creating psychological boundaries helps you detach from their manipulative patterns and emotional hooks.
4. Build a support network of friends, family, or support beforehand: Having trusted people around you provides emotional support, practical help, and protection during this vulnerable transition.
5. Gather important documents, cards, and records before leaving: Collecting legal and financial documents ensures you have what you need to rebuild your life independently.
6. If you need to remove the gifts that you got from the narcissist: Taking back or removing gifts breaks the emotional ties and symbols of control the narcissist uses to maintain connection.
7. Change all passwords and lock out accounts after leaving: Securing your accounts prevents the narcissist from accessing your personal information, finances, or communications.
8. Don’t announce your departure; an abrupt break is the best: A quiet exit without warning prevents the narcissist from escalating their behavior or manipulating you into staying.
9. Resist the urge to reconnect with the narcissist; it’s a trap: Contact with a narcissist resets your healing and pulls you back into their cycle of control and manipulation.
10. Secure a job or income source to support you before leaving: Financial independence is crucial for maintaining your freedom and preventing being pulled back due to financial desperation.
11. Avoid rebounding into another relationship: Taking time alone helps you heal and prevents repeating unhealthy patterns with someone new.
12. Tell yourself: “Leaving a narcissist is an act of self-love and courage”: Affirming your decision as a positive act of self-protection strengthens your resolve and validates your choice to prioritize your well-being.

Why is it hard to leave the narcissist?

The main reason you can’t leave your narcissist is that you and your kids depend on him financially. When the narcissist provides a steady income for the family, and you don’t have any money to call your own, you continue to live in suffering.

Four reasons victims cannot leave a narcissistic relationship:

1. Financial Dependence: The more powerful person in an abusive relationship is often the only earner to support the family.
2. Lack of Social Support: The victim fears being entirely alone after leaving the relationship, as they may have alienated themselves from their friends and family at the behest of the narcissist.
3. Trauma-bonding: The narcissist builds a trauma-bond with the victim via intermittent reinforcement, alternating between affection and abuse, which keeps the victim emotionally tethered and hopeful for the return of positive interactions.
4. Learned helplessness: The victim may continue in the abusive relationship because the narcissist has trained them into becoming helpless to think or act independently, or seek help from others.

Final Words

A high-dispute narcissist‘s fickle moods make it tough to leave them. To keep their narcissistic rage from flaring up, you keep trying to please them, hoping they will get better over time.

They won’t. So, stop trying to fix your narcissist. Instead, get away from them. Even from a safe distance, seeking revenge against the narcissist is a waste of your time and energy.

Focus instead on your own happiness, allow yourself to heal, and take the time to build a wonderful life for yourself.

You may contact a mental health professional to help you begin your post-traumatic healing.

√ Also Read: What fate awaits a narcissist in the end? (Good or Bad)

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