📅 11 Sep 2024 • 📖 12 min read
— Reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy.It’s hard to tell when a narcissist’s love is past its expiry date.
When your narcissist is done with you, they won’t tell you. They’d rather keep you in a state of deep confusion, with full intent.
You won’t know if your narcissist is angry with you, has an issue they won’t discuss with you, or wants more obedience and loyalty from you.
They will cloak the signs that the relationship is over from their side. They have extracted all they could from you. You have nothing more to give them.
See the signs that they’re leaving you, so you can avoid a sudden heartbreak. It can help you find closure.
21 Signs A Narcissist Is Done With You
Narcissists trap you with their charm and charisma. Then, within months, they drain you with their emotional and physical demands.
Finally, when finished with you, they will discard you.
When they do, it’s a rude shock that someone you loved so much has stopped loving you.
Here are the signs that your narcissist is finished with you and has made up their mind to walk away:
1. True Colors: They will show their true colors and unmask their real selves.
They will no longer feel the need to put on a façade.
A narcissist ready to discard you will often drop their gentle and docile mask, revealing their true colors.
This shift in behavior exposes their true manipulative, selfish, and cruel nature, which they had been hiding until now.
2. Shift in Behavior: You will notice a shift in their behavior towards a more negative side.
Narcissists often come across as charming and charismatic people who can hold an audience to thrill. Look at the 20 Signs of A Narcissist.
But when they’re finished with you, they reveal the hidden, negative side of them.
If you notice a sudden downward change in their behavior, it’s a strong signal of their changing feelings towards you.
They may become moody, irritable, and easily angered. This shift can indicate their dwindling interest in the relationship.
For those who might want to know, here’s how to make a narcissist jealous & envious.
3. Constant Irritation: Seem constantly irritated or annoyed with you for no reason.
They may pick fights over small things and become easily frustrated.
If they start showing signs of constant annoyance or irritation with you, even for trivial reasons, it’s a clear sign of their waning patience and investment in the relationship.
This change in attitude suggests they’re gearing up to move on.
4. Ignoring Communication: Will start ignoring you, not responding to your words, calls, or messages.
When a narcissist starts ignoring you, not responding to your calls, messages, or even your words and presence, they’re demonstrating their indifference towards you.
This dismissive behavior often precedes the final discard phase.
5. Finding Faults: Find faults with everything you do, constantly criticizing you.
Narcissists will find fault in everything you do as they prepare to end the relationship.
They may criticize you constantly and make you feel like you can’t do anything right.
This incessant criticism is designed to undermine your self-esteem, making it easier for them to leave without resistance.
6. Distancing Themselves: Become emotionally and physically distant, showing no interest in spending time with you.
If they start distancing themselves both emotionally and physically, showing no interest in spending time with you, it’s a strong sign they’re preparing to discard you.
They may prefer to be alone, often getting up and leaving the place if you arrive there to be with them.
This withdrawal is a key step in their strategy to end the relationship.
7. End of Love Bombing: The flow of affection, compliments, and gifts will stop.
Narcissists love to shower their partners with affection and compliments, also known as ‘love bombing‘.
But when they’re preparing to end the relationship, this flow of love often stops abruptly, marking the beginning of the end.
8. Blame Shifting: Start blaming you for things you didn’t do, like lying, cheating, or being envious.
Narcissists are quick to shift blame onto others.
When a narcissist is finished with you, they often intensify this blame game. They start holding you responsible for things you didn’t do.
They can accuse you of lying, cheating, or being jealous and envious, even when there’s no evidence to support their claim.
(A jealous person feels that someone else is taking something away from them, while an envious person desires what others have.)
They can accuse you of stealing, having unnatural passions, or even deliberately showing the narc down in front of others.
Constantly blaming you for little things destabilizes your mental balance. It allows them to control you more until the time they end the relationship and leave you helpless.
9. Exploiting You: Take advantage of you, physically or financially, showing no remorse.
When a narcissist is close to discarding you, they might start exploiting you, sometimes financially, with no signs of remorse or guilt and may even justify them.
This exploitative behavior is to show they have stopped respecting you and no longer want to consider your viewpoints, another indicator they’re gearing up to discard you.
10. Hunting for a New Supply: Become distant as they start the hunt for a new partner.
The narcissist might start becoming emotionally distant as they begin their hunt for a new partner (called narcissistic supply).
They may become distant. This emotional withdrawal signals that their focus has shifted away from you.
It indicates that they want someone else to fulfill their needs and that your relationship with them is ending.
11. Lack of Effort: Stop trying to convince you to stay or make efforts to keep the relationship.
When a narcissist stops trying to convince you to stay or ceases all efforts to maintain the relationship, it’s a clear sign they’re preparing to let go.
Their indifference towards the relationship’s dissolution is a significant indicator they’re planning to discard you.
They may even encourage you to leave them, and ask you why you aren’t leaving the relationship.
12. Changes in Themselves: Start making big changes to their life or appearance, showing off to you and others.
Narcissists will often begin drastically changing aspects of their lives or appearance as they gear up to move on.
This showy transformation, aimed at impressing others, could be a strong indication that they’re preparing to discard you.
They may show off these changes to you and others as a way to prove that they’re doing just fine without you.
13. Flirting with Others: Openly flirt with others and not care if you see them.
When a narcissist is finished with you, they may start flirting brazenly with others, unmindful of whether you notice. They may even stage a little drama in a way that you “catch them” cheating.
This disrespectful behavior, aimed at making you jealous or undermining your self-esteem, is another sign they are setting the stage to leave you.
14. Cutting Ties: Cut ties with your friends and family, avoiding any mutual connections.
Narcissists may sever ties with your friends and family, deliberately breaking off any shared social connections.
This step sends a clear signal that they want to move on and avoid accountability for the relationship.
It is a sign that they are prepared for a clean break, and are close to discarding you.
15. Cruel Behavior: Their behavior will become cruel, and their once warm gaze will now be cold and empty.
The narcissist becomes cold and cruel.
Their behavior may turn harsh and unkind, a stark contrast to their earlier warmth.
The once familiar, loving gaze may now seem distant and empty, a visual testament to their emotional withdrawal and impending discard.
Their cold and empty “sociopathic stare” may make them seem heartless.
16. Harsh Truths: Start telling you the harsh truths that were once unsaid.
Narcissists often control the narrative of your relationship, but as they prepare to let go, they may start revealing harsh truths that they’ve kept hidden.
This brutal honesty can be an attempt to destabilize you, making it easier for them to walk away.
17. Damaging Your Reputation: Won’t hesitate to speak ill of you to others, trying to damage your reputation.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) often undermine others in an attempt to gain power or feel superior.
Narcissists can masterfully start a smear campaign against you, badmouthing you to friends, family, or anyone who’ll listen.
This is to isolate you from your support system while making themselves appear as the victim, a classic sign they’re planning to discard you.
18. An Environment of Fear: You will feel dread and disturbed in their presence.
Trust your intuition. If you feel unease or dread in their presence, your gut might be picking up on subtle changes in their behavior.
Your internal warning system is often accurate, signaling that the narcissist may soon discard you.
19. Gaslighting: They intensify their gaslighting, driving you to the verge of insanity.
Your narcissist’s gaslighting gets more intense. They twist the reality more often to fit their whims.
You live in a fog of doubt, feeling isolated and powerless, and losing touch with your reality. The once safe space of your mind is now a battleground of various versions of truth.
Worse, when they change their version after having confirmed one version to you earlier.
• You: “But you said Mary was lying?”
• Narcissist: “I said it then. But things have changed. You can’t expect me to stick to the same story forever. Besides, maybe you misunderstood me.”
• You: “No, I remember clearly what you said.”
• Narcissist: “Well, maybe you should consider that your memory isn’t as reliable as it used to be. I never meant that; you just imagined it.”
20. Abusive Behavior: May become physically or verbally abusive, showing no concern for your feelings.
Once caring and attentive, they might resort to physical or verbal abuse, dismissing your emotions entirely.
These cruel shifts in behavior are clear signs that their façade is crumbling, indicating that the discard phase is nearing.
21. Ghosting: Stop responding to your messages or calls, disappearing without a word.
Communication is a cornerstone of any relationship.
When a narcissist is finished with you, they may stop responding to your messages or calls.
Initially, they may reply or call back after a long lapse of time, like after 3 hours. Then, altogether stopping to reply, effectively disappearing.
It’s a clear sign they are distancing themselves. This sudden silence or ‘ghosting’ (disappearing without a word, leaving you wondering what went wrong) often precedes a narcissist’s final discard.
[Ghoster’s Love: Can A Person Ghost You And Still Love You?]
The Narcissistic Relationship Cycle
The narcissistic relationship cycle has four key phases:
- Idealization or Love Bombing: The initial phase, when they shower you with attention, compliments, and gifts, making you feel special and valued, to gain your trust.
- Devaluation: This is the main phase of narcissistic abuse. Their bad traits and behaviors are on show now. They criticize and belittle you, make you feel worthless, and force you to serve them. They use anger to ‘discipline’ you — wear clothes of their choice, meet people they say you can, even laugh and smile the way they deem right.
- Discard: This is when the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship without care or explanation. They leave you confused and hurt, often blaming you entirely for the breakup.
- Hoovering: If your narcissist doesn’t find a replacement for you, they might attempt to re-enter your life. They will apologize for their mistakes, promise to change, and restart love-bombing.
FAQs
What are the 3 signs the narcissist is preparing to discard you?
1. They become absent in the relationship, withdrawn, distant, and apathetic.
2. They begin to devalue you, find your faults, and criticize you more frequently.
3. They may start to idealize someone else and down-compare you to that person.Why do narcissists become distant?
Narcissists become distant when they feel their partner is no longer an acceptable supply source, or when they perceive a threat to their self-image.
Distancing can also occur during the devaluation phase, when they disengage from their current partner to give more time, resources, and attention to their new supply.
What happens when a narcissist realizes you are done with them?
1. When a narcissist realizes you’re done with them and about to part ways, they may get riled up, abuse you in worse ways, and try to hurt you.
2. They may also plead with you to stay in the relationship or make you feel guilty for leaving.
3. If you have left them, they may even try to hoover you back into the relationship.What happens when you are done with a narcissist?
1. You feel a sense of relief and freedom as you detach from this manipulative person.
2. You get a clearer understanding of your self-worth and stop depending on other people’s validation.
3. You become aware of the need to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being, and start to rebuild your life.
Final Words
Briefly, here’s how to know if a narcissist is finished with you:
- They become emotionally distant, showing little interest in your life.
- They criticize you more often and find faults with everything you do.
- They can disappear for days without explanation, leaving you confused.
- They blame you for the unhappiness and lifelessness in the relationship.
All that may confuse you into thinking, “What wrong did I do?”
To clear it up, ask them directly if they want to move out of the relationship.
√ Also Read: How To Unmask And Expose A Narcissist?
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