The simplest way to make a narcissist jealous and envious is to post happy, radiant pictures of you and have your friends “like/love/wow” those.
Now, one of the telltale signs of narcissists is their endless craving for attention and admiration.
But they become jealous when photos of people they know get more likes and positive comments.
Their jealousy comes from their spotlight being snatched away and given to another person.
So, a quick way to arouse jealousy in a narcissist is:
Share a picture of you chilling with someone the narcissist admires, at a place they’ve always dreamt of. This will awaken the green-eyed monster within them.
There’s research* (Taylor, 2020) that shows narcissists often post more selfies on social media to attract the attention and validation they crave. We will discuss this later.
Let’s find out now how you can make a narcissist jealous/envious.
How To Make A Narcissist Jealous & Envious?
Evoking envy and jealousy in a narcissist can be useful in certain situations, like getting a narcissist to back off, motivating them through competition, or helping them see your perspective.
Here are 10 effective ways to make a narcissist jealous and envious:
1. Act Self-Sufficient & Independent
One key way to make a narcissist jealous and envious is by being self-sufficient, independent.
This means being able to handle your affairs and make decisions without needing their help or approval.
When you excel on your own and outshine their success and achievement, it threatens their sense of superiority and sparks their envy.
The study “Envy Divides the Two Faces of Narcissism” by Krizan and Johar (2012) looked at how envy may relate to narcissism.
They found that vulnerable narcissists had a greater tendency to feel envy and schadenfreude than those with grandiose narcissism.
| Narcissistic Type | Envy | Schadenfreude |
|---|---|---|
| Vulnerable | High | High |
| Grandiose | Low | Low |
‘Schadenfreude‘ (pronounced ‘SHAA-den-froy-duh’) is a German word for the pleasure felt at another’s misfortune. Covert narcissists bask in schadenfreude, feeling joy to see others in hard times.
So, vulnerable narcissists have these cognitive-affective components of envy:
- Resentment: They resent the envied person for having what they don’t deserve.
- Covetousness: They intensely covet something that the person they envy has.
- Inferiority complex: They know they’re actually inferior to the envied person.
- Spitefulness: They desire for the envied person to lose what they have.
Embrace your independence, making decisions and thriving on your own.
2. Be Self-Happy And Radiate Happiness
Cultivate genuine happiness within yourself and let it radiate through your actions. This will stir up envy in the narcissist.
Actually, narcissists cannot tolerate your happiness. They always try to destroy your joy and peace.
Let’s say you’ve had a wonderful evening with your friends. That same night, the narcissist could interrupt your sleep at 3 AM, just to complain that your loud snoring woke them up.
But when they see someone who won’t trade their happiness for the narcissist’s drama, they become jealous.
So, if you pick up your pillow and move out to another room without any signs of irritation, the narcissist will be puzzled.
They feel envy at how you maintain your happiness without reacting to their attempts to upset you, especially when they themselves struggle to stay indifferent to external insults.
Cultivate your inner joy and let it shine brightly for all to see.
3. Show Courage & Resilience Despite Fear
A narcissist feels threatened when you assert yourself, face challenges head-on, and rise back stronger after a fall.
Strong resistance shakes a narcissist’s need for control. They painfully realize that brave, resilient people are less likely to be manipulated, challenging their inflated sense of superiority.
This also makes a narcissist feel envious, as they did not expect you to possess that degree of personal strength, which shrinks their fragile ego further.
Remember what Ambrose Redmoon said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”
Resist their abuse even if you’re shaking, because narcissists fear the courageous and resilient ones.
4. Redirect Your Attention To Your Desires
When you focus on your needs and wants, rather than theirs, a narcissist can get jealous.
They’re used to people paying attention to them and catering to their needs.
When you shift your focus to your own desires, they see that you are not dependent on them for your happiness.
This can make them feel envious as they wish they had the same level of self-sufficiency and self-satisfaction.
Channeling your energy into your own desires and passions will boost your self-esteem and foster personal growth.
This might make them more jealous when they see you achieve your goals while they’re still seeking validation from others.
Shift your focus towards your own desires and aspirations, away from the narcissist’s demands.
5. Invest in Upgrading Your Presence
Take the time to invest in your personal appearance, style, and overall presence.
This can make a narcissist jealous because it enhances your self-confidence and attractiveness and threatens theirs.
Narcissists often crave the spotlight and want to be the most admired person in the room.
When you improve your presence and demeanor, and carry yourself with confidence, you may attract more attention and admiration from others.
This triggers jealousy in the narcissist as they may feel overshadowed or less important.
Dedicate time and effort to enhance your personal and professional presence.
6. Down-Compare The Narcissist to Others
Down-comparing the narcissist challenges their inflated self-image.
Narcissists believe they are superior and unique.
Try to identify areas in which the narcissist falls short in comparison to others.
Then compare them unfavorably to those who are better or more successful than them, to trigger their feelings of envy.
This can especially cause intense jealousy when they see no way to outdo those they’re compared with.
Down-compare the narcissist unfavorably to others, highlighting their shortcomings.
Find out how social comparison theory explains why we compare ourselves to others (and how to stop it).
7. Excel In A Skill They Lack
It’s well-known that mastering a skill that the narcissist lacks, or isn’t good at, can make them jealous, as it highlights a weakness in their armory.
Narcissists often view themselves as highly competent and better than others around them in some way.
To prove their superiority, they regularly brag about their own achievements and demean others’.
So, when you excel in a domain or skill where they struggle, it deflates their self-constructed “grandiosity bubble.”
And triggers feelings of inferiority, envy, and a perceived threat to their social standing and pride.
Master a skill the narcissist lacks, showcasing your proficiency and earning recognition.
8. Achieve & Flaunt New Successes
Achieve new successes, and don’t shy away from sharing them publicly.
Narcissists have a fragile sense of self-worth, and are easily threatened by your success. It makes them envious that you can thrive and progress without them (and even despite them).
As they go green with envy when you openly celebrate your success, it can also make them bitter as they wish it were rather they who should be celebrated and admired.
This can be particularly triggering if your successes are in a public skill, profession, or business where the narcissist has previously failed or struggled.
Envy is a central emotion in the lives of people with vulnerable narcissism, as we mentioned in the first point referring to the study by Krizan and Johar (2012).
Interestingly, they also found that vulnerable narcissism was linked to feelings of envy, hostility, and resentment toward high-status peers. This means:
- When they see someone who is more successful than them, they feel that the other person is getting ahead at their expense.
- By putting down the high-status peer, vulnerable narcissists may be trying to make themselves feel better about themselves.
- Their actually trying to sabotage the other person’s success is their way to stop feeling as threatened by them.
Strive for new achievements and don’t shy away from celebrating and flaunting your successes.
9. Take Solo Trips & Post on Social Media
Go on solo trips to exotic destinations and share the experience on social media.
Narcissists may become jealous and envious of your independent experiences and the attention you receive from others.
- A 2015 study found that narcissists were more likely to rate other people’s selfies as being more attractive than non-narcissists.
- Another study revealed that narcissists on Instagram tend to follow those who are known for their self-promotional behavior.
Embark on solo adventures, sharing your experiences on social media for all to see, including the narcissist.
10. Build Healthy Relationships with Others
Forge strong, healthy relationships with people outside of the narcissist’s sphere of influence.
Narcissists often try to isolate their victims to maintain control over you—their narcissistic supply.
When you build relationships with others, it undermines the narcissist’s dominance and shows that you are not dependent on them for social interaction or validation.
This can make them even more envious when they see you receiving love, respect, and positive attention from others, which they desire for themselves.
Invest in building strong, healthy relationships with others, demonstrating your ability to connect deeply and meaningfully.
*Remember the research we mentioned in the beginning (that narcissists often post more selfies on social media)? It’s this study: David G. Taylor (2020), Putting the “self” in selfies: how narcissism, envy and self-promotion motivate sharing of travel photos through social media.
- The study found that people who are more narcissistic and envious are more likely to post selfies on social media.
- The study also found that narcissism and envy lead to self-promotion, which in turn leads to the posting of selfies.
- Finally, it also found that the more people use social media, the more narcissistic and envious they become.
Jealousy vs. Envy
There are some differences between jealousy and envy:
| Emotion | Jealousy | Envy |
|---|---|---|
| Characteristic | Fear of losing something that one already owns | Desire for something that someone else has |
| Accompanying emotions | Anger, resentment, possessiveness | Sadness, inferiority, longing |
| Direction | Toward a specific person (who might take away what you possess) | Toward anyone who has that specific thing that you desire |
How Do Narcissists Act When Jealous?
Narcissists, due to their inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement, often act out when they feel threatened by jealousy or envy.
Their reactions can differ, but some common behaviors can help identify their jealousy.
These are some ways that narcissists act when they feel jealous or envious:
Projection
Narcissists may accuse others of being jealous or envious when in reality, it is them who are experiencing these emotions.
This narcissistic projection technique allows them to avoid confronting their own feelings while creating a shift of blame onto the other person.
Belittling
In an attempt to elevate themselves and maintain their superiority, a jealous narcissist might demean or belittle the accomplishments or qualities of others.
By doing so, they aim to diminish the perceived threat to their own status and reinforce their self-concept.
Sabotage
To safeguard their personal image and social standing, narcissists might engage in acts of sabotage when they feel envious.
They could spread false rumors, undermine the success of others, or actively work against someone who they perceive as a rival.
Passive-aggressive behavior
A jealous narcissist may exhibit passive-aggressive behavior as a way to undermine the person who triggers their envy.
This can include giving backhanded compliments, deliberately making mistakes, doing things poorly to frustrate you, withdrawing emotionally and giving you their trademark silent treatment.
Exaggerating accomplishments
When feeling threatened, narcissists often exaggerate or even fabricate their own accomplishments.
This behavior serves as a way to assert their dominance and superiority, downplaying the success of others to restore their sense of self-worth.
It can be challenging to determine if a narcissist is jealous, largely because they are skilled at masking their true emotions.
One clue might be a change in their demeanor or behavior, particularly when faced with someone’s achievements or success.
FAQs
Do narcissists get jealous when you move on?
Yes, narcissists often get jealous when you move on, as their sense of self-worth is tied to the attention and admiration they receive from others. This jealousy can stem from a fear of losing control over you or realizing that they’re no longer important in your life.
How can I effectively deal with a jealous narcissist?
To deal with a jealous narcissist, maintain healthy boundaries, show assertiveness, and prioritize your emotional well-being. It’s essential to keep in mind that you deserve to create and maintain a life independent of the narcissist.
How do you make a narcissist jealous and want you back?
Trying to make a narcissist jealous and want you back can be a dangerous game. It’s often counterproductive and can fuel their toxic behavior, reinforcing their desire for control. Instead, focus on establishing healthy relationships and prioritizing your own well-being.
How can I gain respect from a narcissist?
Gaining respect from a narcissist can be challenging, as they tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance. It’s crucial to maintain healthy boundaries, communicate assertively, and avoid getting emotionally entangled in their manipulative tactics.
What strategies can make a narcissist miss my presence?
While it’s tempting to consider strategies to make a narcissist miss your presence, it’s more important to strengthen your sense of self-worth and well-being independently of their validation. Focus on yourself and improving your life rather than trying to win the favor of a narcissist.
How do you make a narcissist addicted to you?
Attempting to make a narcissist addicted to you can be both unhealthy and damaging. It’s essential to prioritize authentic connections and mutual respect in relationships, avoiding efforts to manipulate or control others.
What techniques can make a narcissist fear losing me?
While it’s possible to make a narcissist fear losing you, this approach may further enable their unhealthy behavior patterns. It’s better to focus on your own needs and establish a life that doesn’t rely on instilling fear in others.
What is the best revenge against a narcissist?
The best “revenge” against a narcissist is to invest in your own health and happiness. This means disengaging from their manipulative tactics, setting boundaries, and nurturing your own self-esteem. Take back your power by living a thriving life without their influence.
Further Reading:
These are three highly regarded books on narcissism:
- “Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed” by Wendy T. Behary: This book offers effective strategies for dealing with someone who is narcissistic in your life, providing real scenarios and practical advice.
- “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” by Dr. Karyl McBride: This book is a guide for daughters of narcissistic mothers to navigate their complex feelings and overcome the trauma of growing up in such an environment.
- “The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age” by Joseph Burgo: This book helps readers identify, cope with, and ultimately overcome the destructive behavior of extreme narcissists.
Final Words
Finally, the above tactics to incite envy might seem like a solution to stop a narcissist’s cruelties, but remember the inherent psychological challenges that narcissists face.
Exploiting their personal vulnerability can trigger the infamous narcissistic rage and lead to unexpected consequences.
It’s better to involve a mental health expert and strive for open communication with the narcissist using their help.
Until then, build stronger and healthier connections outside the narcissistic relationship, and guard your psychological safety.
Narcissism has been theorized to serve as a defensive mechanism in response to childhood abuse from parental figures.
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What do you think, is narcissism a defense mechanism?
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Author Bio: Researched and reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy. His expertise is in mental well-being, positive psychology, narcissism, and Stoic philosophy.
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