📅 6 Apr 2025 • 📖 13 min read
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.
A narcissist feels envy and jealousy together. Allow me to explain.
Suppose you post a picture of your accomplishment on social media and your friends “like, love, and wow” it. Now, when the narcissists come to post a congratulatory emoji, they see the flood of likes and positive comments.
And feel bitter right away. As if you’ve taken something away from them.
But what did you take away from them? Nothing!
The narcissist feels threatened that you are “stealing” their spotlight and popularity.
- Jealousy is a fear of losing something one owns. Your narcissist is jealous that they are losing their popularity status.
- Envy is a desire to own what someone else owns. Your narcissist is envious of you; they want to have your popularity for themselves.
So the narcissist feels both envy and jealousy at your success.
Another way to awaken the green-eyed monster in your narcissist: Share a picture of you hanging out with someone your narcissist admires, at his favorite place.
How To Make A Narcissist Jealous & Envious?
When is it okay to make a narcissist jealous?
Honestly, it’s not something you want to do often. Narcissists tend to have fragile self-worth, and if they think you’re trying to provoke their jealousy, they might react in some pretty rude ways.
That said, there are times when it might be helpful, like when you would like to reclaim your power or get them to see things from your perspective.
If you find yourself in one of those situations, here are 10 ways to make a narcissist feel a little jealous:
1. Act Self-Sufficient & Independent
One key way to make a narcissist jealous is by being self-sufficient and independent.
Most of us focus too much on trying to change the behavior of the narcissist or get them to understand our viewpoints before we know what narcissism is. Both are energy-draining, and can keep you trapped in their psychological game.
Instead of trying to change them, use your energy on yourself. Get rid of their codependency. Make yourself great at being able to handle your affairs and make decisions without needing their help or approval.
When you excel on your own and outshine their success and achievement, it naturally threatens their sense of superiority and sparks their envy, especially in vulnerable narcissists.
The study “Envy Divides the Two Faces of Narcissism” by Krizan and Johar (2012) looked at how envy may relate to narcissism. They found:
- Vulnerable narcissists frequently feel very envious of others and get happy when others face setbacks or humiliation (schadenfreude).
- Those high in vulnerable narcissism had stronger negative thoughts and feelings when asked to recall the envy-triggering situation.
- Vulnerable narcissists reacted with more envy, hostility, and bitterness in an experiment inducing envy towards a high-status peer.
- Those with grandiose narcissism, however, had no or low tendency to feel envious of others in general. Their envy levels did not increase based on what they reported or what others saw.
- Grandiose narcissists also did not show increased envy, hostility, or resentment towards the high-status peer in the experiment.
So, overall, those with vulnerable narcissism tend to feel more envy and schadenfreude than those with grandiose narcissism.
| Narcissistic Type | Envy | Schadenfreude |
|---|---|---|
| Vulnerable | High | High |
| Grandiose | Low | Low |
‘Schadenfreude‘ (pronounced ‘SHAA-den-froy-duh’) is a German word for pleasure felt at another’s misfortune. Covert narcissists bask in schadenfreude—feeling joy seeing others fall on hard times.
Tip: Embrace your independence, make your own decisions, and learn to thrive on your own.
2. Be Self-Happy And Radiate Happiness
Narcissists have a thing for selfies, as research shows.
- Narcissists are more likely to show off with selfies and make extra effort to look their best in these photos (Fox & Roooney, 2015).
- Narcissists often post more selfies on social media to attract the attention and validation they crave (Taylor, 2020).
Cultivate genuine happiness within yourself and let it radiate through your actions. This will stir up envy in the narcissist.
Actually, narcissists cannot tolerate your happiness. They will always try to destroy your joy and peace.
Let’s say you’ve had a wonderful evening with your friends. That same night, the narcissist could interrupt your sleep at 3 AM, just to complain that your loud snoring woke them up.
But when they see someone who won’t trade their happiness for the narcissist’s drama, they become jealous.
So, if you pick up your pillow and move out to another room without any signs of irritation, the narcissist will be puzzled.
They feel envy at how you maintain your happiness without reacting to their attempts to upset you, especially when they themselves struggle to stay indifferent to external insults.
Tip: Cultivate your inner joy and let it shine brightly for all to see.
3. Show Courage & Resilience Despite Fear
A narcissist feels threatened when you assert yourself, face challenges head-on, and rise back stronger after a fall.
Strong resistance shakes a narcissist’s need for control. They painfully realize that brave, resilient people are less likely to be manipulated, challenging their inflated sense of superiority.
This also makes a narcissist feel envious, as they did not expect you to possess that degree of personal strength, which shrinks their fragile ego further. An envious narcissist can feel:
- Resentment: They hate the envied person for having what they don’t deserve.
- Covetousness: They intensely covet something that the person they envy has.
- Inferiority complex: They know they’re actually inferior to the envied person.
- Spitefulness: They desire for the envied person to lose what they have.
Here’s how to cultivate courage against each of those:
For Resentment:
- Don’t take their resentment personally. It stems from their own insecurities, not yours.
- Remind yourself that their opinion of what you “deserve” doesn’t define you.
- Set firm boundaries about disrespectful treatment you won’t tolerate.
For Covetousness (Greed):
- Build a strong sense of self-worth independent of their envy.
- Don’t sacrifice your interests/goals to please their jealousy.
- Spend time with supportive loved ones who value you.
For Inferiority complex:
- Tell yourself that their inferiority complex may have come from their self-esteem issues.
- Don’t enable or encourage their victimized thinking — emphasize their responsibility.
- Celebrate your own accomplishments despite their projections.
For Spitefulness (Hatred):
- Refuse to engage in their attempts to demean or make fun of you.
- Consider leaving if their spite and sabotage become dangerous.
- Build a life outside the relationship that fulfills you.
Make Mark Twain’s words your daily driver: “Courage is not the lack of fear; it’s acting in spite of it.”
Tip: Resist their abuse even if you’re shaking, because narcissists fear the courageous and resilient ones.
4. Redirect Your Attention To Your Desires
Another effective way to make a narcissist jealous is to shift your focus from their needs to your own.
Narcissists are used to being the center of attention and having people cater to them. So, when you start prioritizing your own wants and desires, they notice that you’re no longer dependent on them for your happiness.
This change can spark feelings of envy in them, as they may wish they could feel the same level of self-sufficiency and satisfaction that you’re cultivating.
Moreover, channeling your energy into your own passions and goals strengthens your self-confidence and growth mindset.
As you achieve your goals and find fulfillment in your own life, the narcissist may become even more jealous, especially if they’re still seeking validation from others.
Tip: Focus on what makes you happy and watch how it affects their perception of you!
5. Invest in Upgrading Your Presence
Take the time to invest in your personal appearance, style, and overall presence.
This can make a narcissist jealous because it enhances your self-confidence and attractiveness and threatens theirs.
Narcissists often crave the spotlight and want to be the most admired person in the room.
When you improve your presence and demeanor, and carry yourself with confidence, you may attract more attention and admiration from others. (Watch this YouTube video to find out what stops you from asserting your presence)
This triggers jealousy in the narcissist as they may feel overshadowed or less important.
Tip: Dedicate time and effort to enhance your personal and professional presence.
6. Down-Compare The Narcissist to Others
Down-comparing the narcissist challenges their inflated self-image.
Narcissists believe they are superior and unique.
Try to identify areas in which the narcissist falls short in comparison to others.
Then compare them unfavorably to those who are better or more successful than them, to trigger their feelings of envy.
This can especially cause intense jealousy when they see no way to outdo those they’re compared with.
Tip: Down-compare the narcissist unfavorably to others, highlighting their shortcomings.
7. Excel In A Skill They Lack
It’s well-known that mastering a skill that the narcissist lacks, or isn’t good at, can make them jealous, as it highlights a weakness in their armory.
Narcissists often view themselves as highly competent and better than others around them in some way.
To prove their superiority, they regularly brag about their own achievements and demean others’.
So, when you excel in a domain or skill where they struggle, it deflates their self-constructed “grandiosity bubble.”
And triggers feelings of inferiority, envy, and a perceived threat to their social standing and pride.
Tip: Master a skill the narcissist lacks, showcasing your proficiency and earning recognition.
8. Achieve & Flaunt New Successes
Achieve new successes, and don’t shy away from sharing them publicly.
Narcissists have a fragile sense of self-worth, and are easily threatened by your success. It makes them envious that you can thrive and progress without them (and even despite them).
As they go green with envy when you openly celebrate your success, it can also make them bitter as they wish it were rather they who should be celebrated and admired.
This can be particularly triggering if your successes are in a public skill, profession, or business where the narcissist has previously failed or struggled.
Envy is a central emotion in the lives of people with vulnerable narcissism, as mentioned in the first point, referring to the study by Krizan and Johar (2012).
Interestingly, they also found that vulnerable narcissism was linked to feelings of envy, hostility, and resentment toward high-status peers. This means:
- When they see someone more successful than they are, they feel that the other person is getting ahead at their expense.
- By putting down the high-status peer, vulnerable narcissists may try to make themselves feel better about themselves.
- Their actually trying to sabotage the other person’s success is their way to stop feeling as threatened by them.
Tip: Strive for new achievements, and don’t shy away from celebrating and flaunting your successes.
9. Take Solo Trips And Post on Social Media
Go on solo trips to exotic destinations and share the experience on social media.
Narcissists may become jealous and envious of your independent experiences and the attention you receive from others.
- A 2015 study found that narcissists were more likely to rate other people’s selfies as being more attractive than non-narcissists.
- Another study revealed that narcissists on Instagram tend to follow those who are known for their self-promotional behavior.
Tip: Embark on solo adventures, sharing your experiences on social media for all to see, including the narcissist.
10. Build Healthy Relationships with Others
Forge strong, healthy relationships with people outside of the narcissist’s sphere of influence.
Narcissists often try to isolate their victims to maintain control over you: their narcissistic supply.
When you build relationships with others, it undermines the narcissist’s dominance and shows that you are not dependent on them for social interaction or validation.
This can make them even more envious when they see you receiving love, respect, and positive attention from others, which they desire for themselves.
Tip: Invest in building strong, healthy relationships with others, demonstrating your ability to connect deeply and meaningfully.
Jealousy vs. Envy
There are some differences between jealousy and envy:
| Emotion | Jealousy | Envy |
|---|---|---|
| Characteristic | Fear of losing something that one already owns | A desire for something that someone else possesses |
| Accompanying emotions | Anger, resentment, possessiveness | Sadness, inferiority, longing |
| Direction | Toward a specific person (who might take away what you possess) | Toward anyone who has that specific thing that you desire |
Narcissists typically post more selfies on social media, as this study found:
- People who are more narcissistic and envious are more likely to post selfies on social media.
- Narcissism and envy lead to self-promotion, which in turn leads to the posting of selfies.
- The more people use social media, the more narcissistic and envious they become.
How Do Narcissists Act When Jealous?
Narcissists are good at masking their true emotions. However, when they feel intense jealousy/envy, they can act out in these ways:
1. Projection
They’ll say, “You’re jealous of me!”
Actually, their accusations that you are jealous mean they are feeling it themselves.
This is projecting onto you what they are experiencing themselves, called narcissistic projection. It lets them avoid confronting their own difficult feelings while shifting the blame to the other person.
2. Belittling
Almost all narcissists belittle others to raise their status. This is their default.
They can say it out loud, or they can mumble, gossip, or use their inner voice to say negative things about others.
A jealous narcissist can demean or belittle your accomplishments or qualities to elevate themselves and maintain their superiority. It cuts down the perceived threat to their self-worth status.
3. Sabotage
This is the uncivil side of narcissists.
They can spread false rumors, sabotage the success of others, or actively work against those they see as rivals.
But they may not harm you if you present yourself as a narcissist. Narcissists tend to tolerate and even prefer the company of other narcissists (narcissistic-tolerance hypothesis). This mutual tolerance due to perceived similarities can lead to interpreting each other’s behaviors more positively.
4. Passive-aggressive behavior
A jealous narcissist may exhibit passive-aggressive behavior as a way to undermine the person who triggers their envy.
This can include giving backhanded compliments, deliberately making mistakes, doing things poorly to frustrate you, withdrawing emotionally, and giving you their trademark silent treatment.
5. Exaggerating accomplishments
When feeling threatened, narcissists often exaggerate or even fabricate their own accomplishments.
This behavior serves as a way to assert their dominance and superiority, downplaying the success of others to restore their sense of self-worth.
Further Reading (Books):
- Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karyl McBride
- Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary
- The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists by Joseph Burgo
Final Words
Making a narcissist feel envious might seem like a smart way to stop their hurtful behavior, but take care not to trigger narcissistic rage.
A mental health professional can help you communicate with the narcissist better. It is a good idea to speak with an expert on narcissism instead of handling it all on your own.
Finally, narcissism is thought to be a defensive mechanism people develop to shield against parental abuse in their childhood. So, it’s not just about their behavior; there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface.
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√ Also Read: 8 Lessons Narcissists Teach You About Yourself
√ Please share it with others.