Ghosting someone you love can be a painful experience, contrary to what many think. So, what can you do to cope with those unpalatable emotional leftovers?
Ghosting is a common phenomenon in modern dating, where one person suddenly stops responding to messages and calls, leaving the other person wondering what went wrong.
While it is often the ghosted person who is left with feelings of confusion, hurt, and rejection, what about the ghoster?
How does the person who initiated the ghosting feel after cutting off all contact with someone they were once interested in?
Ghoster’s Perspective: How Do You Feel After Ghosting Someone You Love?
Some may feel a sense of relief after ghosting someone they love, while others can feel guilt and regret. A decision to abruptly stop communication and/or end the relationship without giving it closure can cause inner conflicts. One may also feel love after ghosting them, creating more confusion and restlessness.
The sense of relief comes from the avoidance of anxiety, reactions, and difficult conversations while ending a relationship without confrontation or explanation.
Those who feel wrong may experience guilt, regret, or even shame for their actions.
In some cases, ghosters may not feel anything at all, having already moved on from the relationship before ending it abruptly.
Understanding the emotional state of the ghoster can shed light on the reasons why ghosting occurs and help those who have been ghosted to move on.
While the act of ghosting can be hurtful and confusing, it is important to recognize that the ghoster’s feelings are also valid.
By exploring the emotions and motivations behind ghosting, we can begin to address the underlying issues that contribute to this behavior and work towards healthier, more honest relationships.
The Act of Ghosting
What is Ghosting?
Ghosting is a term used to describe the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone, especially in a romantic relationship, without any explanation or warning. It is a passive-aggressive way of ending a relationship, and it can happen in person, over the phone, or online.
Why Do People Ghost Others?
People ghost others for various reasons. Some may feel overwhelmed or scared of confrontation, while others may be looking for an easy way out of the relationship. It can also be a way to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or to avoid being hurt themselves.
The Effects of Ghosting
Ghosting can have a profound impact on the person who has been ghosted. It can lead to feelings of rejection, hurt, and confusion, and it can also damage their self-esteem and mental health.
The lack of closure and communication can make it difficult for the person to move on and can cause long-term emotional trauma.
On the other hand, ghosting can also have negative effects on the ghoster. It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and regret, especially if they realize the hurt they have caused.
It can also damage their reputation and relationships, as they may be perceived as unreliable or emotionally cruel.
Psychologists warn against serial ghosting, as it can indicate deeper issues with communication and emotional abuse.
It is always preferable to have open and honest conversations with partners to avoid the hurt and confusion around ghosting.
Ghosting is a form of abuse, though often the last abuse a ghoster can inflict on the other person.
However, the bitter truth is that this passive-aggressive way of ending a relationship can have long-term effects on both the ghosted and the ghoster.
Both of them may find it hard to easily accept new people into their lives, and difficult to communicate openly and honestly with potential partners.
How Ghosters Feel Overall
We commonly perceive ghosting as an easy way out of a tough situation, and often brand the ghosters as insensitive people.
While it may seem like ghosters feel no remorse for their actions, that is not always the case. Ghosting can also take an emotional toll on the person who ghosted.
Initial Relief
When someone ghosts another person, they may feel an initial sense of relief.
They no longer have to deal with the discomfort of confronting the other person or explaining why they are no longer interested.
However, this relief can be short-lived, as the ghoster may start to feel guilty about their actions.
Guilt, Regret, and Shame
As time goes on, ghosters may start to feel guilty about their actions.
They may feel ashamed of how they treated the other person and regret their decision to ghost them.
This guilt and the shame can be especially strong if the ghoster had a close relationship with the ghosted person or if they had been dating for a long time.
Emotional Consequences
Ghosting can have long-term emotional consequences for both the ghoster and the ghostee.
- For the ghoster, it can damage their reputation and make it difficult for them to form new relationships. They may also feel a sense of loneliness and isolation as a result of their actions.
- For the ghostee, it can lead to feelings of rejection, hurt, and confusion.
To avoid these, ghosters should consider alternative approaches to ending a relationship.
Soft ghosting, for example, can be a more gentle way to end things without completely cutting off contact.
Ghosting may seem like an easy way out, but more often than not, it is not. It can have significant effects on both.
What’s the antidote to ghosting?
Empathy and kindness are antidotes to ghosting behavior.
The ghosters should try to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and consider how they would feel if they were in their position, and try to empathize with the other person’s feelings.
To avoid immediate and long-term negative feelings and emotional fallouts, ghosters should consider alternative approaches to ending a relationship in a kinder and more considerate way.
Closure And Moving Forward
Closure is the sense of understanding, peace, and accepted finality of a relationship, whether it’s ended because of loss, rejection, or growing apart.
It involves accepting the reasons and irreversibility of the breakup. Closure helps resolve any lingering emotions and hopes of reuniting, while promoting a sense of personal growth and forgiveness.
Importance of Closure
It is essential to find closure when a relationship ends.
But it can be difficult to find closure, especially if the relationship ended abruptly or without explanation, as in ghosting.
Closure helps one to move on from the situation and avoid carrying any emotional baggage, helping the process of moving on.
It is important to accept that the relationship is over and that the ghoster is not interested in continuing it. Accepting this fact can be difficult, but it is essential to move forward.
How to Deal with Being Ghosted
Dealing with being ghosted can be a challenging experience, but there are ways to cope with it. The first step is to allow oneself to feel the emotions that come with being ghosted, such as sadness, anger, or confusion. It is also essential to avoid blaming oneself for the ghosting. The ghoster’s actions are a reflection of them, not of the person being ghosted.
Talking to someone about the experience can also be helpful. A friend or a professional can offer support and help process the emotions.
Self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies can also help alleviate negative feelings.
How to Avoid Ghosting Others
To avoid ghosting others, it is important to communicate openly and honestly.
If one is not interested in continuing a relationship, it is better to be upfront about it rather than disappear without a trace.
It is also important to respect the other person’s feelings and avoid leading them on.
Before committing to a relationship, it is important to assess one’s readiness and willingness to invest time and effort into it.
If one is not ready for a committed relationship, it is better to avoid getting involved in one.
Final Words
Ghosting someone you love can be a painful experience, but it is possible to move forward from it.
The most crucial thing is finding closure while remembering that it is a process that would take time.
Here are some take-home messages to help you find closure:
- Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help you process your emotions and make sense of what happened.
- Reflect on the relationship. Ponder on What went well? What could have been done differently?
- Forgive yourself and your ex. Forgiveness is not about condoning what happened, but it is about letting go of the anger and resentment that you may be feeling.
- Look to the future. Focus on the things that you are grateful for and the things that you want to achieve in your life.
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Author Bio: Researched and reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy. His expertise is in mental well-being, positive psychology, narcissism, and Stoic philosophy.
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