How Narcissists Treat Their Mothers, Brothers, & Sisters?

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Uncover the typical and complex ways narcissists treat their family members and other close relationships.

Narcissists, often demanding and cruel, view family members as extensions of themselves, and the issue begins here.

This self-centered outlook makes them expect their family to stay exclusively focused on the narcissist’s needs.

As a result, narcissistic children disrupt family dynamics with their harmful behavior, like manipulation, abuse, and emotional drama.

In everyday usage, a narcissist is someone who is arrogant and selfish. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosed condition characterized by a persistent pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, often masking a fragile sense of self-worth.

Let’s explore this complex relationship between a narcissist and his/her mom.

How Narcissists Treat Their Mothers & Siblings

A narcissist’s first victim is often their empathetic mother.

Narcissists, especially narcissistic men, often have an over-dominant effect on their mothers.

They will demand their mothers to give them constant praise, gratitude, and compliments. And their mother will give in to them unless they are mothers with narcissism themselves.

The nine main ways a narcissist’s traits manifest in their relationship with their mother:

1. Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance: Narcissists treat their mothers as extensions of themselves, expecting them to cater to their grandiose sense of self-importance, often forcing them to become their enablers. And they will expect her to know that she is not important enough to be reciprocated with kindness or empathy.
2. Preoccupation with Fantasies: Their preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love can make them dismiss or belittle their mothers for not “understanding their lofty ambitions.”
3. Belief in Being ‘Special’: This can cause them to distance their mothers, since they believe they are ‘special’ and unique and can only be understood by, and should relate only with, other special, high-status people (which their mother is not).
4. Constant Demand for Admiration: Narcissists demand constant admiration from their mothers, reacting negatively if she does not provide them with it.
5. Sense of Entitlement: Their high sense of entitlement makes them have unreasonable expectations of their mothers. They demand favorable treatment and compliance, even when she has other people to attend to. In many households, the narcissistic child often transforms their mother into a slave, catering to their every whim, and trying to keep them pleased. They expect their mother to automatically ignore or forgive all their tantrums, belittling, and insults.
6. Exploitative Nature: Narcissists will exploit their mothers, taking advantage of them to benefit themselves without any consideration. They often seize their mother’s money, without her consent, using anger or manipulation. This may leave her insecure and dependent on others. Ironically, the narcissist will shame her when she asks others to buy the necessary things that she cannot afford.
7. Lack of Empathy: The narcissist will deliberately fail to recognize or identify with their mother’s feelings and needs, displaying a total lack of empathy.
8. Overpowering Envy of Others: Narcissists may project their overpowering envy onto their mothers. They often believe that their mother envies them, while secretly wishing that the narcissist loses his/her accomplishments and possessions.
9. Oppressive Sense of Arrogance: Narcissists, especially grandiose narcissists, have an oppressive sense of arrogance. Their mothers are soft targets for practicing their haughty and patronizing behaviors and attitudes.

The narcissist may grow up having these feelings about the role their mother played in their life: confused and angry, spoiled by love and support, or neglected and abused.

That said, not all narcissists have a negative relationship with their mothers. But for those who do, it can have a deep impact on their mental health and their relationships with other women.

A narcissist’s mother is often the “enabler” (find details on this in the FAQs section below), which can influence the narcissist’s behavior and attitudes toward other women.

Therapy and support can help people with NPD better understand their relationship with their mother and work towards healthier control over their narcissistic instincts.

This paper proposes an opposite stand on the gender neutrality of the narcissistic personality. Ilene Philipson (1985) argues that narcissism, both as a personality type and a pathological disorder, is primarily experienced by men.

How Does A Narcissist Manipulate Their Mother?

All love is conditional for a narcissist, even their mother’s love.

Narcissists tend to see their parents as extensions of themselves rather than as separate individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs.

So, they will have unrealistic expectations from their parents, expecting them to always be available and cater to their needs, even if it means neglecting their own.

This creates a strained relationship between the two, leaving the mother feeling unappreciated and undervalued.

Moreover, narcissists can only love conditionally. They believe that people give love because they want something back, not just love.

They feel the same about their parents — that they give the narcissist love only because they meet their expectations.

How does the narcissist feel? They almost feel they have a right to treat their parents in a manipulative, controlling, and exploitative way.

Narcissists use these tactics to manipulate their mothers to get what they want:

1. Emotional Exploitation:

• Narcissists exploit their parents for financial support, emotional validation, or other resources.
• They disregard the impact their behaviors may have on their parents’ well-being.
• They may use emotional blackmail to get parents to do what they want.

2. Planting Guilt or Shame:

• They may use lies and fabricate fake stories to control their parents.
• They make parents feel responsible for the narcissist’s problems or failures.

3. Controlling Actions & Choices:

• Narcissists may dictate their parents’ behavior and choices.
• They insist that parents follow their rules or conform to their idea of right or wrong.

4. Gaslighting:

• Gaslighting is a technique that narcissists frequently use to make their mothers doubt their own perception of reality.
• They may make deliberate mistakes, then deny wrongdoing and make their mother feel irrational, causing her to question her own opinion and judgment.

5. Triangulation:

• Narcissistic triangulation involves bringing a third party into the relationship to create tension.
• They may talk negatively about their mother to others, causing a divide in the family.

6. Blame-Shifting:

• Narcissists avoid responsibility by blaming their mothers for their mistakes or shortcomings.
• This makes the mother feel guilty and responsible for their problems.

7. Dictating & Aggressive Behavior:

• Narcissists may try to control their parents by dictating their behavior and choices.
• They may insist that parents follow their rules or conform to the narcissist’s idea of right or wrong.

Overall, narcissistic behavior towards parents can be damaging and hurtful. It can strain the relationship between parent and child, and lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration.

How Does Narcissism Affect A Narcissist’s Relationships?

Some ways that a narcissist struggles in their relationships:

• Struggle with Empathy: Narcissists often find it hard to understand and express love and compassion, even towards close family members like their mother.
• Difficulty in Maintaining Healthy Relationships: Unrealistic expectations and constant demands for admiration can lead to short-lived relationships and a lack of genuine connection with others, including romantic partners.
• Development of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Research indicates that NPD often stems from adverse childhood experiences, such as a lack of emotional support or an overemphasis on achievement.
• Grandiose Self-Image: Narcissists may develop a belief that they are superior to others, leading to entitlement and special treatment expectations.
• Impact on Family Dynamics: Narcissistic behavior can strain relationships within the family, especially between the narcissist and their mother, leading to dysfunction.
• Emotional Abuse Towards the Mother: Lack of empathy may lead narcissists to manipulate or exploit their mother’s emotions, causing hurt and confusion.
• Effects on Other Family Members: The narcissist’s behavior can create tension within the family, such as showing favoritism or using emotional manipulation to control children.
• Varied Impact: While not all narcissists exhibit abusive behavior, the influence of narcissistic traits on family dynamics can be significant, even without outright abuse.

How Narcissists Treat Their Brothers & Sisters?

Narcissistic individuals often have complex relationships with their siblings.

• Competition and Resentment: Narcissists often see their siblings as rivals for attention and resources, leading to jealousy and efforts to undermine or belittle their siblings’ achievements.
• Enabling Behavior by Family Members: The dynamics between narcissists and their siblings can be influenced by other family members, such as a codependent parent favoring the narcissistic child, causing neglect and resentment among the other siblings.
• Negative Outcomes for Siblings: Siblings of narcissistic individuals may suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
• Coping Strategies: Some siblings may develop ways to deal with their narcissistic sibling’s extreme rivalry, creating conflicts and relationship breaks.
• Complex and Challenging Relationships: Narcissists treat their siblings in a way that they would treat any other person, using them, taking from them, and insulting them, affecting the mental well-being of everyone in the family.

Seeking support and resources is vital for those dealing with these dynamics to navigate the complex relationships with a narcissistic sibling.

How Does A Narcissist’s Relationship With Their Mother Shape Their Behavior?

• Need for Attention: The adult narcissist may have grown up feeling the need to be the center of attention for validation. The mother’s availability was often conditional, based on the child’s behavior.
• Concessions to Keep Peace: The narcissist might have learned to suppress true feelings or desires to avoid conflict with their mother. This pattern may become so ingrained that they continue it unconsciously as an adult.
• Moments of Introspection: Despite these patterns, the adult narcissist may have moments of calm and introspection. They may recognize how their relationship with their mother has shaped their behavior.
• Potential for Growth: In recognizing these patterns, the adult narcissist may take steps to break free from old habits and develop healthier relationships with others.
• Influence on Other Relationships: The dynamics of the relationship with their mother may extend to how the adult narcissist interacts with others. The patterns learned in childhood, such as seeking attention or suppressing feelings, may be replicated in other relationships, leading to similar challenges and conflicts.

FAQs

1. What does it mean to be a narcissist’s “enabler”?

An enabler quietly supports a narcissist’s toxic behavior, often unintentionally, by meeting demands, overlooking disrespect, or reinforcing grandiosity, which entrenches the narcissist’s entitlement and makes change harder.

2. What are the characteristics of an adolescent narcissist?

During adolescence, narcissists display grandiosity, entitlement, shallow relationships, manipulative tactics like guilt-tripping and gaslighting, and masked insecurity; confident on the surface, anxious underneath.

3. How do narcissists typically view their mothers?

Narcissists don’t treat their mothers as independent individuals. Rather, they see mothers as extensions of themselves: sources of admiration or contempt. If admired, the mother is idealized; if she fails to meet their needs, she is devalued.

4. Why does a narcissist need the approval of others?

Narcissists crave approval to shore up their fragile self-esteem. Constant validation sustains their inflated self-image; lack of it triggers entitlement, demand, or aggression. They see others through the lens of narcissistic supply, good if they provide attention and validation, bad if they don’t.

5. Why does the narcissist feel superior to others?

Their superiority mask compensates for their deep-seated insecurity. Grandiosity and entitlement protect fragile self-worth. That is why they get dismissive, critical, or reactive when they are challenged.

6. How do narcissists react to criticism?

Criticism threatens a narcissist’s fragile sense of self-worth, so they often snap back with defensiveness, anger, blame-shifting, withdrawal, or hostility. It’s rare to see a narcissist accept responsibility for their mistake.

7. How do narcissists view love?

Narcissists treat love as an instrument to seek admiration or service. They often manipulate people to receive their supply, and are apathetic to other people’s emotional needs.

8. How do narcissists fare in society?

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. They seek status and control. They have shallow friendships, fraught romances, and workplace friction. Narcissists mostly do not have any self-awareness of, or intent to change, their harmful traits.

9. How does narcissism affect mental health?

Narcissists have a higher risk of experiencing chronic insecurity, loneliness, anxiety, depression, substance misuse, and strained relationships. Their unsatisfying life often follows from persistent validation-seeking and poor empathy.

10. What is “The Narcissist’s Unheard Voice”?

“The Narcissist’s Unheard Voice” is a concept referring to early neglect or invisibility that fuels entitlement and attention-seeking; perceived neglect breeds anger, craving, and demanding behavior.

Final Words

The very definition of narcissism reveals the problematic behaviors of narcissists: blaming, manipulation, nullification, and self-sufficiency to hide one’s own low self-esteem.

Parents must not hesitate to seek professional help to deal with their problematic child to protect their own well-being and build a healthy relationship with their child.

It just doesn’t help the child if the parent victim of a narcissistic child keeps defending or punishing their misbehavior.

The child must learn how to stand up for themselves without hurting other people’s feelings and emotions.

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√ Also Read: Narcissistic Shame: Why & How Do Narcissists Feel Shame?

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