• Mar 10, 2025 • Read in ~5 mins
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.
When a relationship ends, it often leaves behind a trail of emotions and lingering questions. The challenge is to accept it and find peace, and one crucial tool for this is closure.
The need for closure (NFC) is defined as the desire for “a firm answer to a question and an aversion toward ambiguity” (Kruglanski & Webster, 1996).
A closure is a clear and definite answer that the breakup is permanent. It removes the uncertainty if a reunion may be possible.
Without closure, breakups can feel incomplete, making it harder for individuals to fully open up to new relationships.
So, how do you achieve proper closure?
“The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did.” — Faraaz Kazi
10 Ways To Get Closure From A Relationship
A relationship cycle moves through seven stages: initiation, peak, conflict, end, need for closure, achieving closure, and moving forward.
These are ten ways to get closure from a relationship breakup:
1. Have A Sensible Closure Talk
A closure talk is that one final conversation with your ex.
This step is at the very heart of the closure process. It’s a last chance to share your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
It lets both of you express any remaining feelings, lingering concerns, and unasked questions. It starts the process of emotionally disconnecting from one another.
Closure talk is not to rehash the past. But to find clarity and acceptance, so you can move forward. If you’re not sure, see these questions you might bring up in a closure talk.
2. Disengage From Your Ex
After the closure talk, create emotional and physical distance from your ex.
Limit or cut off contact to break attachment bonds and decrease the co-dependency. Let go of your unresolved feelings and the things you couldn’t do.
Rumination (overthinking) has been associated with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and eating disorders (e.g., Abela & Hankin, 2011; Takano & Tanno, 2011; Zawadzki, Graham, & Gerin, 2012).
Stop overthinking how you could have kept or saved the relationship.
3. Forgive and Address Lingering Feelings
The closure process requires forgiveness—both of yourself and your ex-partner.
Tell them you forgive them, and won’t hold any feelings for them — love, hate, regret, guilt, or anger.
Ask them to do the same.
Forgiveness helps release feelings of regret or desire for revenge.
4. Reflect On The Relationship
Think of your relationship like a movie that has already ended.
Take some time to look back on what happened, much like revisiting an intense film in your mind. This helps you make sense of, and accept, your current emotions and thoughts.
Ask yourself why the relationship ended the way it did and what lessons you can take from it. These lessons can help you handle your future relationships better.
5. Embrace The Healing Process
Good, or bad, or anything in-between, the relationship ended — it will bring grief.
And grief needs to be lived through to let you heal from what caused it.
You can’t go back in time and fix it. What makes for a step forward is embracing the heartbreaking, healing moments. Do some self-care activities.
6. Focus on Personal Growth
You will feel empty and time alone will haunt you.
Use this time to reflect on how you can grow from the experience. Start a journey of reinventing yourself from what you learned about yourself.
Closure isn’t just about ending the past; it’s about fostering personal growth and preparing for healthier relationships ahead.
7. Manage Negative Emotions
Breakups come with many negative emotions — anger, revenge, regrets, sadness, overthinking, anxiety.
If you let them linger, they can take a toll on your mental health and your future and other relationships.
One part of closure is learning to manage these feelings, so you do not live forward with a toxic or overbearing load on your mind.
Learn how to embrace your negative emotions.
8. Consider Social Issues
Closure isn’t just your internal process or even a two-party process. It also involves handling the social expectations and public sentiments about your relationship.
You may have to rethink some ways of presenting yourself socially. Like getting permission from someone inviting you to a party if you may go there alone, for example.
Avoid toxic people who hurt you, take advantage of you, or block your emotional recovery.
9. Move Forward
Focus on moving forward. Closure is useless if it doesn’t allow you to move on to new possibilities.
Of course, everyone’s path forward is different.
Find what works best for you and make plans for what to do next. You could spend some time away for self-reflection, solo traveling, or engaging in new activities.
“Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe
10. Seek Support
You don’t have to do it alone — don’t hesitate to seek support if you need it. Talk to friends, join a support group, or seek professional help from a counselor or therapist.
The need for closure is a universal human need. It helps you regain emotional balance in your life and regain a sense of self-identity after a relationship ends.
At any point, if you feel you might do better with advice from an expert, reach out to a relationship expert.
- Further Reading: Need for Closure and Support Quality on Verbal and Cognitive Brooding (Afifi & Merrill, 2016)
Final Words
J.P. Morgan said, “The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”
The main goal of getting/giving closure is to end the relationship respectfully and kindly, so you may move forward with understanding and peace.
From that point forward, patience and self-care are the two most important things.
Finally, everyone has a different journey of recovering after closure, and there is no set timeline for that healing process to complete.
√ Also Read: How to get closure when someone ghosts you?
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