How To Use Reverse Psychology On A Narcissist?

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Reverse psychology is trying to influence someone by suggesting the opposite of what you want. It is a favorite tactic of narcissists. They use it to create emotional dramas.

You may not realize why you suddenly became teary, angry, sad, and even crazy, while having a normal conversation with your narcissist.

So, how do you successfully use reverse psychology on the person who is a master at this mindgame? Find out.

What Is Reverse Psychology?

Reverse psychology is a persuasion tactic in which you suggest the opposite of what you actually want someone to do. If you want someone to take a particular action, you encourage, or appear to encourage, them not to take it.

The tactic relies on psychological reactance: the human tendency to resist when we feel that someone is restricting our freedom to choose.

By suggesting the opposite action, you may prompt a person, especially someone who dislikes being told what to do, to assert their independence and choose the behavior you actually wanted.

For example:

• Example 1: A parent wants their child to clean their room. Instead of saying, “Please clean your room,” the parent might say, “I guess you’re not ready to have a clean room.” The child may then feel motivated to prove the parent wrong by cleaning it.

• Example 2: One partner wants the other to choose the new Italian restaurant for dinner. Instead of directly suggesting it, they might say, “You probably don’t want to try that new Italian place.” The other partner may then assert their preference by choosing it.

Researchers use the term “strategic self-anticonformity” (SSA) to describe advocating for a position that goes against what you truly want, while hiding your true intention.

Fair warning: However, reverse psychology does not always work. It may sometimes backfire, especially when people recognize the tactic, and its repeated use can erode trust in relationships.

So how could you use reverse psychology on narcissists?

How To Use Reverse Psychology On A Narcissist

Reverse psychology is not a fully reliable or risk-free strategy to deal with someone with narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It can provoke them into defensiveness, conflict, retaliation, or further manipulation.

The following approaches may help in limited situations when dealing with narcissistic people:

1. Suggest the Opposite: If you want them to do something, tell them not to do it. You could say, “I wouldn’t expect you to help with this.” This can prompt them to prove you wrong by taking action.
2. Create a Challenge: Frame your request as a challenge. Try saying, “I bet you can’t resist showing everyone how capable you are by handling this.” This can tap into their desire to showcase their abilities, encouraging them to take the desired action.
3. Set Low Expectations: Say something like, “I don’t expect you to care about this, but if you do, that would be impressive.” This can motivate them to exceed your expectations and take action.
4. Be Nonchalant: Approach the situation with a casual attitude. For example, say, “It’s fine if you don’t want to help. I can manage on my own.” This might prompt them to step in just to assert their importance.
5. Flatter Them: While not strictly reverse psychology, flattering them can appeal to their ego. For instance, say, “I know you’re great at making decisions. I’m sure you’ll choose the best option here.” This can motivate them to act in a way that aligns with your desires.

Mastering Reverse Psychology On A Narcissist

1. Imply that they originated the idea: Narcissists crave control and love to feel like the mastermind behind decisions. So, present your suggestions in such a way that they feel like the idea was theirs.
2. Unveil their fear of loss: Narcissists hate losing or being perceived as anything less than the best. Tap into this fear by subtly proposing that not following your idea could result in a loss for them. Frame it as a potential setback rather than a direct threat.
3. Play their game of superiority: Since narcissists see themselves as superior and more intelligent, use this to present your idea as something only a superior intellect could understand and execute. This can motivate them to engage with your suggestion.
4. Use a scenario-based training example: Imagine you’re working with a narcissist on a project and want their cooperation. Instead of saying, “We need to work together on this,” try this: “I don’t know if you’d be interested in collaborating on this. It might be too intellectually challenging for most people.” This encourages them to prove their intellectual prowess by willingly cooperating.
5. Apply what you learned: In real-life situations, be subtle. Being too obvious with reverse psychology can backfire. Try different combinations and see how they react. Did they get triggered into rage or silence or defensiveness, or did they take the bait? Then fine-tune your strategies.
6. Remember ethical considerations: Keep this in mind: Using reverse psychology on narcissists is not about manipulation. It’s about facilitating smoother conversations and more effective interactions in situations where you must work with such individuals. Always use these methods responsibly and ethically.

Theory of Reverse Psychology

The foundation of reverse psychology is built on the psychological theories of reactance and recuperation.

1. Reactance Theory

• Reactance theory says that when individuals sense a threat to their personal freedom, they often rebel by doing the opposite of what they are told (Brehm, 1966).
• When someone feels their freedom is being restricted, it creates unease, motivating them to take action to restore that freedom.
• For example, parents may feign mild displeasure with their rebellious teenager’s new romantic interest, hoping that their lack of enthusiasm will actually promote the relationship.

2. Recuperation Principle

• Recuperation principle suggests that individuals may become more attracted to ideas or behaviors that are restricted or limited (Brehm & Brehm, 1981).
• Reverse psychology, also known as strategic self-anticonformity (SSA), leverages these human tendencies to guide individuals toward desired outcomes.

Practical Vantages of Reverse Psychology

• Reverse psychology can be a powerful tool for persuasion and influence.
• It is particularly effective when dealing with resistant, contrarian, or defiant individuals.
• It can be applied in various contexts, including parenting, negotiation, sales, and more.
• MacDonald & Nail (2010) suggest that reverse psychology, or strategic self-anticonformity (SSA), is a prevalent influence tactic in real-world scenarios.

Final Words

Reverse psychology is not a one-size-fits-all approach. It does not guarantee cooperation or change. Plus, its success depends on the narcissist and the situation. Those who can easily detect you’re trying to control them won’t respond well to reverse psychology.

Remember, if you are trying reverse psychology to influence a narcissist into doing something they are reluctant to do, take these two precautions:

1. Avoid using it too often; it could let the narcissist catch on, making it ineffective.
2. Do not use it on a malignant narcissist; they’re the most cruel and evil type of narcissist.

As a general rule, if you have to regularly engage with someone who seeks admiration, control, or status, direct and emotionally neutral communication is safer than trying reverse psychology.

√ Also Read: 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding: Trap of A Toxic Relationship

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