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— Reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy.Hurt people hurt people. We know. Narcissistic rage is that — a hurtful response to a real or perceived hurt.
Narcissistic rage is an unusually dramatic outburst of anger. The narcissist showing it often loses self-control and acts in a way no one else will.
Strangely, they might be aware that they are losing control, but they cannot stop themselves.
As a result, their angry reaction outgrows the size of the issue.
If you find yourself in the middle of someone’s narcissistic rage, your first response must be to protect yourself.
A show of narcissistic rage can send anyone into a stunned, frozen state.
What actually causes narcissistic rage?
When a narcissist gets angry, it can often be expressed as “narcissistic rage.” Narcissistic rage is a reaction to a narcissistic injury.
Narcissistic injury is when the narcissist feels hurt by a perceived threat to their ego, self-esteem, or self-worth. It can happen when the narcissist is targeted with feedback, criticism, neglect, rejection, or a slight. It may not be a real insult, but just a perceived one is enough to trigger it.
A narcissist feels profound shame when he is pointed out. His sensitivity to shame doesn’t let him take responsibility for his actions. He can even deny the evidence.
He can deny having said or done a certain thing. And suggest that the other person has memory lapses, is making things up, or is too stupid to understand what he “really” meant. This is narcissistic gaslighting.
And the show of narcissistic rage is their way of dealing with the unsettling effects of the narcissistic injury and regaining control and feeling powerful.
However, narcissistic rage may also be shown by someone who has low self-esteem and has been made to feel hurt.
What happens after narcissistic rage?
- After a bout of narcissistic rage, the narcissist often feels empty and blank.
- They may feel regret and shame, but these feelings are usually quickly replaced by anger and resentment.
- The narcissist may also become more aggressive and paranoid.
- In some cases, a frail-looking narcissist may turn physically violent like a person many times their size.
- They may harbor a grudge and send “flying monkeys” to their target to do their dirty work by proxy.
“Resentment can lead the narcissist to live as an unfortunate and persecuted victim of others and life in general. This victim-playing attitude has been described, among others, by Eric Berne (The Games People Play, 1964) and Ronald Laing (Self & Others 1969). An example could be the mother who accuses her child of having “ruined her life” by coming into the world. The narcissist person living as a victim, typically feels authorized to demand some favorable treatment (entitlement) and manipulate his interlocutors to get what he wants.”
— Stranieri & De Stefano, 2021
What happens when you ignore narcissistic rage?
Narcissists are often quick to anger. They may react with aggression or violence when they feel threatened.
They are quite capable of lashing out at those they perceive as weaker or inferior to them. In some cases, the size of the person they are raging against does not matter.
Ignoring the vicious narcissist
For vicious narcissists, ignoring their narcissistic rage makes them more inappropriately angry.
If their victim is nearby, they will raise their voice. They may begin to throw increasingly toxic and hostile remarks at their victims.
They may start to break things or throw things around.
They can become physically violent.
If the victim is away, their rage will keep boiling until they can explode it on their victim or someone else.
If the victim is on a phone, and they disconnect the narcissist, they may keep dialing them non-stop.
If blocked, they may start reaching out to them through other forms of calling or messaging.
They might call their relatives and friends to tell them about their misbehavior.
Ignoring the benign narcissist
For many benign narcissists, ignoring their narcissistic rage may take away its intensity.
They may not attack them immediately or directly because they are aware it will cut off their narcissistic supply.
Often, they unload their anger against easier targets, who cannot lash back, like children or subordinates.
How to calm down narcissistic rage?
Narcissistic rage is unpredictable, unreasonable, and uncontrolled.
It is a destructive type of anger that is fueled by a sense of entitlement, self-importance, and a need to be in control.
In most cases, experts suggest that the best course of action when a narcissist is exploding is to disengage and move out of their reach.
The most workable way to calm down a narcissist showing narcissistic rage is to take a step back and let them cool off.
Do not try to reason with them when they are angry because they will not listen.
Instead, give them space and time to work through their feelings on their own.
Tell them, “I’ll talk to you later, when you’ve had a chance to calm down.”
Give them time to think about their behavior.
Later, when they are more reasonable, you can also help them see the consequences of their actions.
Remember, narcissistic rage is a force that can ruin its victim as well as its owner.
If you are dealing with narcissistic rage, the first step is to try to calm yourself down. This may mean taking some time to yourself to gather your thoughts and emotions.
It is important to avoid making any decisions while you are feeling angry, as this can lead to rash and impulsive actions.
If you are able to, have a conversation with the person who you feel has wronged you.
This can be a difficult and frustrating process, but it is important to try to see things from their perspective. It is also important to be assertive, but not aggressive when communicating with them.
What is narcissistic rage?
Narcissistic rage is an outburst of intense anger, frustration, and at times, violent behavior.
- Narcissistic rage is a reaction to real or perceived slights or threats to a narcissist’s ego.
- It is usually characterized by disproportionate anger, frustration, aggression, or violence.
- It can be triggered by insults, criticism, rejection, or even a threat to the narcissist’s status or power.
- It is often overbalanced in relation to the perceived threat and out of proportion to the provocation.
Narcissistic rage has been compared to a flood of emotions and physical reactions, including:
- A sudden influx of self-hatred.
- The impulse to blame and punish.
- A sense of helplessness and despair.
- Inability to self-control anti-social behavior.
- The need for absolute certainty and control.
- The feeling of having been invaded, taken over, violated.
- Fear of being smothered or engulfed by another person or entity.
- The sense of being diminished, humiliated, defeated, or invalidated.
- The urge to get one’s needs met primarily by imposing one’s will on others.
Final Words
Here’s a fresh perspective: narcissistic rage is possibly a primitive defense mechanism designed to keep the narcissist safe.
Narcissists are hurt-people. Most of their hurts came when they could not defend themselves, like when they were children reared by narcissistic parents.
√ Also Read: 20 Signs of Narcissists – Red flags of Narcissism
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