Today's Thursday • 11 mins read
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.
To live with the malignant narcissist is to live in a place more dangerous than hell.
Malignant narcissists are the most dangerous kind of narcissist. Their very nature is sadistic, evil-intentioned, antisocial, and cruel.
Some of them are truly devilish. It’s unsafe to even cross your eyes with these extremely malevolent ones. Just looking back at them can make them come at you with violent rage.
They can hide their malignant character for years and decades. Until one day, when pushed into a narcissistic collapse, even the benign covert malignant narcissist can turn into a primary psychopath.
Annie Hartwell, a malignant narcissist survivor, says,
“The humiliation is extreme. They want to ruin you, and all too often they succeed.”
If you’re already in a malignant narcissist’s web, you have to act fast to survive.
5 Signs of A Cruel Malignant Narcissist
Among the six types of narcissists, the malignant ones pose the greatest risk to society. They are usually a mix of sadism, psychopathy, and narcissism.
They can hurt anyone, from the weak and helpless to the rich and powerful. Once they make up their mind, they can viciously abuse and torture almost anyone without fearing the consequences.
To spot a malignant narcissist, notice these five alarming traits:
1. Extreme Entitlement
“Entitlement” means a person believes they deserve special treatment or recognition for their excellence when, in truth, they are not worthy of it.
Narcissists feel entitled inside, but many of them keep it hidden. Not malignant narcissists.
- Malignant narcissists feel extremely entitled. They can force others to treat them specially, show high respect, and give profuse appreciation.
- Their “superiority complex” is always-on, and they never stop pointing out loud how everyone else is less than them in some way.
- Their sense of entitlement makes them highly arrogant and full of hubris. They are quick to get angry when they feel like they have been treated poorly, insulted, or criticized.
Worst, they don’t hesitate to destroy other people’s self-esteem to legitimize their sense of entitlement.
2. Severe Lack of Empathy
Malignant narcissists have a complete disregard for the emotions of those around them. They just don’t care.
These people simply cannot understand or feel the harm their actions and words cause others.
They just don’t have the brain wiring to empathize with the feelings and perspectives of others.
Rather, they want to control your feelings. So, if you tell them how you’re feeling, they’ll tell you why you should ‘not’ feel those emotions.
If you’re happy, they may want you to be sad, and if you’re sad, they may ask you to be happy.
Sam Vaknin, an internationally recognized expert on narcissism, says,
“Malignant narcissism is in your face. It’s defiant. It’s reckless. It’s consummation, authority rejecting. It’s in short grandiose. It’s aggressive, even violent. It’s sadistic.”
3. A Very Sadistic Nature
Malignant narcissists derive pleasure from inflicting pain and suffering upon others.
It is often fun for them to engage in bullying, abuse, and other forms of aggressive behavior.
They can hurt others ruthlessly when they can’t control them with non-violent means. Frequently, they are so blind in their fury that they don’t bother the consequences of their acts.
There are instances where they have been dangerous to pets. They hurt animals to prove their status as superior predators.
They usually have a history of volatile or abusive relationships.
4. Paranoid Tendencies
Malignant narcissists often have delusions that others are plotting against them and trying to persecute them.
They have a general mistrust of people, feel threatened by practically everyone, and often attack others under false charges.
These people are generally hypervigilant and may view even those closest to them as suspicious.
Their paranoid streak can make them explode with anger and violence when they feel their authority is under threat.
5. Highly Manipulative Behavior
They are masters at manipulating others to get what they want.
Malignant narcissists will use you whenever they can. Your relationship with them is largely one of you serving their whims.
They may use flattery, guilt-tripping, love-bombing and seduction, hysteric meltdowns, and other tactics to achieve what they want.
How To Deal With A Malignant Narcissist: Surviving The Evil & Cruel
A malignant narcissist can bring you the worst experiences of your life. If you are with one, act fast, since your life may be at risk.
Here are some ways to deal with malignant narcissists:
1. Spot Them Early On And Avoid Them
The first rule of safety from malignant narcissists is to spot them from a distance and avoid them before they get close.
From an early age, these people have a go at hurting others for their amusement.
They are fully capable of provoking vulnerable people into committing self-harm and suicide. One of my schoolmates tried this with me in 10th grade, telling me,
“You’re a wimp. Prove your courage by setting yourself on fire.”
Don’t fool yourself into thinking that when they have tortured you enough, they will feel sorry and change for the better. They won’t.
They will most likely change for the worse because:
- they lack empathy and empathic concern, so they cannot respond humanely to your pain,
- your submissive behavior signals to them that they can get away scot-free after torturing you.
Never forget that malignant narcissism is a severe form of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) resistant to any form of treatment.
They can maim you for telling them you want to leave them. Their devious mind sees your decision to break up as a grave insult to their person and worth.
2. Set Strict Relationship Boundaries
The second critical rule for dealing with a malignant narcissist is to set and enforce strict boundaries.
Tell them:
- what you need and want from them,
- what you won’t allow them to do with you,
- what will you do if they violate your boundaries.
Telling them what you will do if they break your rules could be risky because:
- first, they may learn your trigger points and use them to trigger you whenever they want.
- second, challenging them with consequences may provoke them into irrational rage.
Still, tell them what you’ll do if they violate your boundaries. And make sure you carry out the action, each time.
Don’t give them access to your personal things, time, or space.
Learn to say No to their unfair and needless requests. Train them to get used to your “No” by refusing them most of the time; sometimes, even when they plead.
- Be strong and courageous, and always maintain social connections to support you against them.
- Don’t let a malignant narcissist take advantage of your kindness, empathy, or forgiveness.
- Do not hesitate to walk away if necessary.
Honestly, you should set these six essential boundaries in each of your relationships.
3. Go No-Contact With Them
Once you know they are a malignant narcissist, go ‘No Contact’.
Make a clean break, as if you had never had any slightest relationship with them.
Remove their traces from your life. Block them on emails, messaging, and social media. Delete their pictures, mails, and messages.
Return or discard their gifts.
Move to a safe distance from their physical presence, if you work in the same office or stay in the same building.
Staying ‘no contact’ also prevents them from hoovering you back into the relationship.
Warn them to stay away if they intrude on your life. Report to authorities and supportive people that the narcissist is stressing you, maligning you, or trying to use you.
They can occupy rent-free space in your mind, making you feel miserable even when absent.
You may find yourself self-explaining the “mistakes” and guilts they left in you. Get a counselor’s help if you spend much time overthinking (ruminating), or feeling stuck on, them.
4. Build & Seek Social Support
Do not let them cut you off from your social circles. Always let your trusted friends and family members know what is happening with this narcissist.
Create and maintain friendships that do not include the malignant narcissist.
A support network can help soften the emotional turbulence of dealing with this person of malicious intent and perverse action.
Ask your support system, or police, to intervene against the narcissist stalker.
5. Practice self-care
When a malignant narcissist sets out to harm you, they will keep harming you long after you have left them.
Your memories of their hurts go deep and long.
To let yourself heal, practice self-care.
- Make time for activities that distract you from your routine.
- Go on little adventures, try novel experiences, introduce a peace-building habit in your life.
- Do things to help you feel empowered and helpful, like volunteering at an abandoned pets center.
6. Seek Professional Help
Dealing with a malignant narcissist can be extremely stressful, as they can shut down your ability to think and decide.
If you’re a victim, reach out to a mental health professional experienced in NPD about your situation.
Never try to fix or heal your malignant narcissist. They can attack you for trying to change them.
Causes of Malignant Narcissism
Malignant narcissism may be a learned behavior or an inherited trait.
1. Genetics: There may be a genetic component to malignant narcissism. Studies suggest narcissism may run in families, and many narcissists have a narcissistic parent. Livesley & Jang found that heritability for narcissism could be as high as 64%. Interestingly, they also found that submissiveness and attachment problems had low heritability.
2. Social and Cultural Factors: A cultural background that values power and success may lead people to develop an excessive sense of self-importance and a desire for admiration and attention. Some of them may have had a powerful family where they could force others to kowtow to their wishes and make them value the narcissist’s feelings over their own needs and pains.
3. Childhood Experiences: The child may grow up in an enabling environment, where they are forced to earn their own upkeep the hard way and learn to make others fulfill their desires. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE), such as extreme neglect, abuse, or trauma, can also contribute to the development of malignant narcissism.
There’s an anecdote about a teacher who, unable to punish the prince for his mistakes, punishes his other pupils. The prince realizes this and blunders on purpose to make others suffer even more. You already know where this story is going and what will become of that prince as he grows up.
Think of the other pupils in the anecdote above. These abused children may learn that the only way to get respect from others is to forcibly make them, even hurting them, if necessary. Over the years, they may develop a malignant sense of entitlement and self-importance.
However, childhood abuse and trauma do not justify malignant narcissistic behavior.
Treatment of Malignant Narcissism
No therapy can help malignant narcissists become normal, good people.
They are notoriously resistant to therapy and can manipulate and even discredit their therapists. Therapy for them is to teach them not to hurt others.
1. Psychotherapy: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) may help them identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors.
2. Medications: Antipsychotics may be used to help control the malignant symptoms, like aggression and impulsivity. Medications may also be prescribed for anxiety or depression.
3. Education and Awareness: Their grandiose nature and “superiority complex” make it difficult to notice their antisocial behaviors or reach out for help. They may be educated to understand how normal society behaves and how they could make their behaviors more compatible. It may motivate them to get therapy.
FAQs
1. What is a malignant narcissist?
Malignant narcissists are a toxic mix of narcissism, aggression, sadism, and psychopathy. They are typically cruel, have a strong sense of superiority and entitlement, a high desire to wield power and control over others, and a tendency to amuse themselves by hurting others.
2. Are malignant narcissists evil?
Malignant narcissists, in my opinion, are the personification of evil. They are the polar opposite of all that is good and valued among humans. They are unreformable bullies, filled with contempt and revengefulness. Rabidly antagonistic, coldly cruel, and unrepentant villains of society, they believe in snatching everything they want while mocking others for being weak.
3. What is the malignant narcissistic stare?
Malignant narcissists often give others a cold, hard, long stare, also called the sociopathic stare. It aims to make the other person nervous, tense, and afraid, while they themselves feel a sense of control. Studies suggest that, on average, people have a preferred gaze duration of 3.3 seconds; any more than that is considered staring.
Final Words
Richard Wood’s book, A Study of Malignant Narcissism, argues that malignant narcissistic personality disorder should be considered a subtype of psychopathy.
Like psychopathy, malignant narcissism is highly resistant to treatment. Even with good therapy, they barely learn how to curb their socially destructive behavior. They must be monitored regularly to avoid their triggers from flaring up.
Never try to fix them. Keep yourself safe from them at all times.
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√ Also Read: Female Narcissist Cheating Patterns
√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.
