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Dealing with a narcissist’s anger can feel like walking through a minefield. You don’t know which step can lead to an explosion.
They are always base-level angry. You rarely find others truly enjoying a narcissist’s company. Worse, they can explode at unpredictable times.
So, how do you handle a narcissist’s irrational bouts of anger and aggression?
The Nature of A Narcissist’s Anger
The nature of a narcissist’s anger is:
- Way over the top for what’s happening
- Sparked by imagined insults, not real ones
- All about controlling you, not solving problems
- Totally blind to how you feel or would be hurt for a long time
Their angry spells are irrational, uncalled-for, and mostly much bigger in response to the trigger. Why?
- Narcissists have the real agenda of getting their narcissistic supply from you. They want you to praise, serve, and validate them. When you don’t give them their supply, they get angry.
- The reason behind their disproportionate anger is that they felt disrespected. Their outbursts are to threaten you into trying to keep them pleased at all times.
Narcissistic anger is more about throwing their weight around or hiding their weak spots. They’re not interested in working things out – they want to win, no matter the cost to you or your relationship.
This is not someone who fights fair. You’re up against a person who sees anger as a tool to keep you in line.
On the flip side, rational anger is a natural response to real threats or unfairness. Rational anger is like an alarm bell. It tells you something’s wrong and needs fixing. It shows up when:
- Someone stomps on your dignity
- Your real needs get brushed aside
- Someone tramples your core values
How To Handle A Narcissist’s Irrational Anger
Don’t let their chaos become your normal. If you’re constantly facing their wrath, here’s your help toolkit:
1. Value Alignment: Maintain Personal Integrity
Don’t abandon your values. They’re your compass in this storm. When a narcissist rages, remember who you are and what you stand for.
2. Emotional Regulation: Master Your Internal Responses
Keep your cool. It’s not easy, but it’s crucial. Your calm is kryptonite to their anger. Deep breaths, count to ten – whatever works for you.
3. Composed Demeanor: Maintain Calm and Respect
Stay respectful, even when they’re not. It’s not about them deserving it – it’s about maintaining your integrity. Plus, it throws them off their game.
4. Avoid Rationalizing: Recognize the Futility of Logic
Save your breath. Rational arguments are useless here. You can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into.
5. Realistic Outlook: Adjust Expectations Accordingly
Set your bar low. Really low. Don’t expect change or understanding. This mindset protects you from constant disappointment.
6. Self-Care Strategies
Your well-being isn’t just important – it’s everything. Always protect your emotional health:
- Practice emotional first aid. Recognize when you’re hurt and tend to those wounds.
- Create a “calm down” toolkit. Music, meditation, a walk – find what centers you.
- Build a support network. You need people who get what you’re going through.
- Show resilience. Stand tall, even when they try to tear you down.
- Maintain calm. Speak calmly and clearly, even when they shout.
In the face of a narcissist’s storm, remember, their behavior reflects on them, not you.
7 Reasons for Narcissists’ Irrational Anger
A narcissist’s anger originates from their classic traits: entitlement, grandiosity, lack of empathy, need for admiration, fragile self-esteem, desire for control, and inability to respect boundaries.
Here are 7 reasons on what fuels their fiery outbursts:
1. Grandiosity: It’s All About Self-Importance
Narcissists see the world as their personal stage. When the spotlight shifts, even slightly, they lash out.
Your birthday? A threat. Your promotion? An insult.
Their anger stems from a world that dares not to revolve around them 24/7.
2. Insatiable Need for Admiration: The Praise Addiction
Imagine needing a standing ovation just for breathing. That’s a narcissist’s life.
Without constant validation, they feel like they’re suffocating.
Their anger is the tantrum of an addict denied their fix of admiration.
3. Superiority Complex: The Illusion of Supremacy
In their minds, narcissists wear an invisible crown. You may call this the King of the Hill syndrome.
Any hint that they’re not the absolute best at everything? Cue the rage. Their anger defends a throne that exists only in their imagination.
4. Empathy Deficit: Inability to Understand Others
Narcissists can’t put themselves in your shoes – they’re too busy admiring their own.
This empathy blindness means they genuinely can’t understand why you’re not catering to their every whim.
Anger fills the space where understanding should be.
5. Controlling Tendencies: The Need for Dominance
For a narcissist, control isn’t just nice – it’s necessary. They are what we might call control freaks.
They see your free will as a direct threat. Their anger is the whip they crack to keep you in line, dancing to their tune.
6. Boundary Violations: Disregard for Personal Limits
Personal space? Limits? Respect? These are foreign concepts in Narcissist Land.
They view boundaries as hurdles to bulldoze down. Their anger flares when you dare to say “no” or assert yourself.
7. Hypersensitivity: Extreme Reactions to Perceived Criticism
Despite their bravado, narcissists have the emotional armor of wet tissue paper.
For these thin-skinned tigers, the slightest criticism feels like a full-on attack. Their rage is a smokescreen, hiding a fragile ego that bruises at the gentlest touch.
Understanding these triggers doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it arms you with knowledge. In the land of narcissists, knowing is half the battle.
The other half? Self-care, without getting burned.
Why Do Narcissists Get Irrationally Angry?
Narcissists explode when they feel you’re not giving them respect, or you’re reluctant to give them their narcissistic supply. Their outbursts are to threaten you into trying to keep them pleased at all times.
Final Words
- Healthy anger fades; narcissistic rage lingers and resurfaces.
- Regular people can self-reflect after anger; narcissists lack this ability.
- Normal anger seeks resolution; narcissistic anger seeks to dominate.
A narcissist in anger is like a forest fire or a bull in a china shop. Their lack of self-awareness and empathy can make them destroy everything in their path, without any clue about the damage they cause.
- Don’t lose your dignity because they are acting undignified.
- You deserve peace, respect, and emotional safety.
- Do not fix your self-worth based on their opinions.
In the end, do not expect them to take responsibility or change.
√ Also Read: The Fatal Consequences of Ignoring Narcissistic Rage
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