Reading time: 9 minutes
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.Long-term couples often lose the spark that once lit them up, we know.
Their presence in your life often seems as important as your living room sofa.
You talk, you listen, you do things for each other. But your passion for each other has faded into the background.
Familiar yet stale routines of everyday life sideline the passionate conversations and shared dreams.
And it seems unlikely that you would ever be able to rekindle that flame.
But wait, there are ten questions to fall in love again. They are designed by relationship experts to touch upon:
- Nostalgia: Questions 1, 3, 7, and 9 evoke positive memories and emotions.
- Shared Experiences: Questions 4 and 8 focus on shared experiences and goals.
- Appreciation: Questions 2, 5, and 6 highlight your partner’s positive qualities and achievements.
They nudge you to revisit each other’s positive memories, shared experiences, and personal qualities — all essential to revivify a fatigued relationship.
I assure you, they are simple to ask and answer, and come with just two conditions:
- Answer honestly, without blaming or complaining
- Listen actively, with empathy and attention
1. What do you remember most about our first date?
This question, “What do you remember most about our first date?” is a pole to stir up the dying fires of your passion.
Sharing memories of love recreates your love story. It helps soften some of the hard positions you now take for each other. You find it easier to forgive each other.
It asks you to revisit the times when life wasn’t this complex.
You fondly see your simple, innocent selves again. Who were curious to know, and excited to share, a ‘million’ things about each other. Who had those butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings.
When the brain recalls a fond past, it tends to romanticize the present. It reactivates the positive emotions and releases neurochemicals of excitement of those early moments.
2. What is something you love about me that you think I don’t know?
In long-term relationships, you settle into the assumption that you both know everything there is to know about each other. This silently builds a “taken-for-granted” wall between you.
Asking your partner, “What is something you love about me that you think I don’t know?” breaks that wall.
It invites you to share how much you appreciate your partner — for who they are and what they do for the relationship — with words and gestures.
It lets you be vulnerable again. You can look into their eyes and express your love like a teenager. You feel a deep sense of satisfaction telling them how grateful you are that they are with you.
It also sets you up for a delightful journey to notice each other’s qualities with meditative mindfulness.
The best part is when you discover things about each other you never imagined. Like things you thought you knew about them, turned out wildly different.
You may want to look forward to asking/answering this question once every month — and you should.
3. What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for me?
This question, “What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for me?” will:
- first, reinforce the idea that your partner has made meaningful efforts in the past
- second, invite you to set up a blueprint for future romantic behavior
It tells them that you haven’t forgotten or grown to neglect the heartwarming stories you lived through.
Their answer helps you understand what resonated most deeply with your partner. Which, then, equips you better to recreate those feelings.
And sweep away any misunderstanding or indifference that might have crept in.
It’s a subtle way of saying, “I see you, I appreciate you, and I want to keep making you feel special.”
4. What do you think is the most important thing we’ve learned together?
Successful relationships thrive on co-growth — when both learn, unlearn, and relearn together.
The question, “What do you think is the most important thing we’ve learned together?” plants that co-growth right in the center of your shared garden of love.
It acknowledges your journey together — the storms you’ve weathered and the strength you’ve cultivated.
This shared learning experience can be an unbreakable bond, reminding you both that you’re not just romantic partners, but teammates for life.
It opens the door to future adventures in personal growth, keeping your relationship dynamic and evolving into a thriving ecosystem.
5. What is something you are proud of that we’ve accomplished together?
Pride is a powerful emotion. When it is directed at shared accomplishments, it can infuse your relationship with a sense of satisfaction.
This question, “What is something you are proud of that we’ve accomplished together?” encourages your partner to ponder your unity and mutual support.
The answer reminds you both that you are stronger together than as solo acts. And that you are moving in the same direction in life.
Reflecting on shared triumphs is like polishing the trophies of your relationship:
- It makes your shared values shine brighter
- It aligns your life goals like stars in a constellation
6. What is the most beautiful thing about me, in your eyes?
Beauty isn’t just skin-deep — it’s soul-deep.
The question, “What is the most beautiful thing about me, in your eyes?” invites your partner to dive into the depths of your being and surface with a pearl of appreciation.
It goes beyond what a mirror can show. It encourages a deeper look at your essence as a person.
This question can be the sunshine you need when you’re feeling insecure or unappreciated:
- It allows your partner to boost your self-esteem with specific, meaningful compliments
- The phrase “in your eyes” acknowledges that beauty is as unique as a fingerprint, making the response feel even more personal and cherished.
Seeing yourself through your partner’s loving gaze, you might discover a beauty you never knew you possessed.
7. What is the most exciting thing we’ve done together?
Excitement and novelty are the two spices that keep the flame of passion burning in long-term relationships.
This question, “What is the most exciting thing we’ve done together?” is a time machine, transporting you back to your most thrilling shared moments.
It’s also a launchpad for future adventures, reminding you both that your love story is far from over.
Your relationship isn’t just a cozy cocoon of comfort and stability. It’s also:
- A rollercoaster of fun and laughs
- A tapestry of shared experiences
As you reminisce, you’ll naturally start planning your next exciting chapter, injecting fresh energy into your relationship.
8. What is something you wish we had more time for, and why?
Time is the most valuable currency in your life. How you spend it reveals your true priorities.
The question “What is something you wish we had more time for, and why?” cracks open the treasure chest of unspoken desires and values.
It’s a chance to recalibrate your relationship compass, realign your priorities as a couple, and chart a course about how you want to invest your time together.
The “why” is the key that unlocks the door to:
- Your deepest motivations and desires
- Your most cherished emotional needs
By understanding the “why,” you can invest your precious time in ways that truly enrich your bond.
9. What is the most romantic place we’ve been together?
Places have power on our psychology. They can be magical portals to emotions and memories.
This question, “What is the most romantic place we’ve been together?” is a romantic teleporter. It can evoke strong feelings of romance and connection, whisking you both back to moments of deep connection.
Even just thinking about these special places can recreate those emotions.
It’s also a subtle invitation to:
- Plan future getaways to the same or similar places
- Recreate that romantic atmosphere closer to home
Shared experiences of travel often create strong bonds. Moreover, it helps you get happier when you revisit those moments, reinforcing your connection through shared adventures.
10. What is the one thing you would change about our relationship if you could, and why?
This question, “What is the one thing you would change about our relationship if you could, and why?” might seem like opening Pandora’s box, but it’s actually a golden key to growth and progress.
You are framing it as a hypothetical and limiting it to one thing. This creates a safe space to open up defenses and get insightful feedback to flow.
The secret ingredient? Approach the answer with open arms, not a defensive shield. After all, it is a growth-oriented question that focuses on future improvement.
The 10th question’s purpose is to:
- Encourage vulnerability and trust between partners.
- Identify specific areas where improvement is desired.
- Imply shared responsibility for the relationship’s success.
- Reinforce a commitment to the relationship’s growth and development.
- Foster honest and open communication about potential challenges or dissatisfactions.
- Provide a space for each partner to express their desires and aspirations for the relationship.
That question invites you to show you’re not just passengers in your relationship, but active co-pilots, dedicated to making your journey together the best it can be.
Final Words
A brief roadmap to rekindle your love:
- Set the Stage:
- Choose a cozy, interruption-free zone
- Pick a time when you’ll both be relaxed and open
- Find a safe space to allow you to be vulnerable to each other
- Prepare Your Partner:
- Give them a heads-up about your intention to dive deep
- Assure them that honesty is the only ‘right’ answer
- Ask and promise to listen without judgments
- Ask The 10 Questions.
Believe me, these questions can actually help you find your passion for each other again. And keep you inspired for years to course-correct and grow together.
Get ready to tackle your relationship issues as a team. Fix an appointment with your partner — today.
√ Also Read: Simple Tips To Rekindle Your Faded Love
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