Reading time: 10 minutes
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.Why is it difficult to confuse a narcissist?
- First, narcissists are manipulative, so they prey on others. Yet, they are insecure, thinking others are also plotting to prey on them. So, they’re very alert to people trying to trick them.
- Second, though they don’t fully understand other people’s emotions, they work hard at it. Over time, they get smooth at predicting and reacting normally to situations. This lets them put up a believable show of empathy.
Those two above make it tough to derail a narcissist into confusion. Tough, but not impossible.
You can use their personality quirks against them to throw them into a tailspin.
Read on to find out how — it is a fascinating read!
How To Confuse A Narcissist (And Drive Them Nuts)
Narcissists think that they are better than others. And they need constant admiration to maintain it.
So, they arrange their lives in such a way that people around them will predictably pay attention, praise, and obey them.
To confuse a narcissist, you have to push them into an unpredicted situation. Push them into a state where they don’t know what to do, and they’ll be completely lost.
Read these practical ways to confuse a narcissist:
1. Ask them an unanswerable question.
This one is easy — Ask them an unanswerable question.
See these examples:
“Were you always this self-centered, or you became this recently?”
“Have you ever considered suing the empathy part of your brain for non-support?”
“Do you still love yourself, despite what it did to you?”
Build a personalized list of unanswerable questions to use against your narcissist, and use them from time to time.
2. Give them an ambiguous insult.
A narcissist’s self-esteem is almost non-existent, and they realize this. Because of this, they are extremely sensitive, easily hurt, and do not tolerate criticism.
You could toss them these nasty, confusing taunts:
“Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.”
“I don’t mind you talking for so long, as long as you don’t mind my not listening.”
“I don’t think you are a narc. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others?”
They realize that these insults demean their self-esteem, but the cognitive dissonance they create in their minds makes them befuddled.
3. Play the Gray Rock game.
Using the “gray rock” technique with a narcissist means you do not respond to their provocations, accusations, or reactions. As if all your responses were coming from a boring gray-colored rock.
Simply stand non-responsive in the dominating presence of your narcissist. And give them little to zero reaction to their questions, behaviors, and requests.
“Hmm.”
“K.”
“.”
The last one is the Sound of Silence, something no one can misquote.
It may seem somewhat fearful to stay expressionless against their fearmongering tactics. Your gray-rock act may puzzle and provoke them.
If you have to talk more than monosyllables, then keep your talks strictly transactional. Don’t share anything more than necessary.
Your gray rock technique also baffles them because they no longer see what they are used to seeing, and you burst out in emotions to their behavior.
Use your courage. Courage is about you — you standing up against fear, not you needing to bully others.
Courage is the ability to do things that you find frightening.
Sages and the scientists both agree that courage is being afraid and still doing it.
4. Go “No Contact” with them.
Stop talking to them. Block them everywhere.
Stop going to places where they usually hang out.
Demolish all channels of communication between them and you.
Just do not let them contact you via any mode, themselves or through their flying monkeys.
This confuses them because going “no contact” is what narcissists are known to do in a passive-aggressive treatment of you.
5. Say “No” to everything they say.
Narcissists train people to praise them and do things for them.
They get extremely upset when any of their “pets” abandon them because they have to train another one.
So, they get confused when you, their “yes-guy,” start refusing their demands and requests.
They are more confused when you decline to accept their gifts, compliments, and favors.
You can say “No” with your actions too.
Suddenly break contact and walk out of their presence. Leave the room mid-sentence, whether it is you or they talking.
6. Set and enforce boundaries with them.
Boundaries in a relationship are rules that prevent one person from invading another’s personal space.
Without boundaries, we risk mistaking our needs and desires for those of the other person, leading to codependency.
Codependency is an unhealthy relationship in which one person makes excessive efforts to meet the needs of the other, often at the expense of their own well-being. They can sacrifice their own needs, feelings, and desires to please the other person.
The truth is that a healthy relationship cannot exist without clear boundaries. Building strong boundaries is about being the gatekeeper of your life, to keep yourself safe and well.
Narcissists hate boundaries because boundaries take away their influence on their victims. It makes their victims no longer codependent on them.
In fact, they love to trample over the normally understood boundaries of any relationship.
Grandiose narcissism is associated with heightened use of assertive but not defensive self-presentation tactics. Vulnerable narcissism was associated with heightened use of both assertive and defensive self-presentation tactics – Hart, Adams, & Alex (2016)
So, set strict boundaries for the narcissist in your life. This will confuse them to no end since they always thought that you were accessible to them whenever they wanted.
Get them to repeat they understand what they must not do. Otherwise, they will breach your boundaries bit by bit over time.
Remember, setting a boundary is not just instructing them to not do something. It must also involve telling them what you shall do if they violate your instruction.
I have had a case in which the woman was woken up at odd times in the night whenever her husband had to go to the bathroom. He would switch on all the lights, bang against things, and swear out loud until she woke up startled. Over the years, she had become a light sleeper, always waking up at the slightest sound.
FAQs
What confuses a narcissist the most?
Four things confuse a narcissist the most — you being unpredictable, declining, expressionless, or a “gray rock.”
1. Being unpredictable. Since narcissists need control and consistency, when you act in ways they don’t expect, it can keep them second-guessing whether you would “respect” their superiority, validate their wants, or serve their entitlement.
2. Being declining. Saying “no” when they ask for favors demolishes their sense of being your master. They start debating in their mind what new tactics to use to improve their influence over you.
3. Being expressionless. When you empty out all expressions from your responses, it can bewilder them. Since they lack the ability to empathize emotionally, they cannot understand whether you are being sarcastic, mechanical, or subservient.
4. Being a “gray rock.” Making yourself physically and emotionally uninteresting and bland as a gray rock deprives them of the attention and validation they crave.
How to drive a narcissist nuts?
To frustrate or unsettle a narcissist, you have to undermine their sense of control, entitlement, or self-importance.
1. Define your boundaries and every time your narcissist pushes them, assert your position and take strict action.
2. Change your usual patterns of behavior so they can’t anticipate your reactions, leaving them feeling confused and off-balance.
3. Respond to their provocations with calmness and neutrality, denying them the emotional response they seek to fuel their ego.
4. Make yourself as uninteresting as possible by avoiding drama and excitement, which can diminish their interest in engaging with you.Why you should avoid provoking a narcissist?
Three reasons why you should avoid provoking a narcissist:
1. A narcissist may have an undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a serious mental health condition that requires therapy.
2. You might throw them into a fit of narcissistic rage, and then be running for your own safety.
3. It is not right to get into the mud with them to play their dirty game of manipulation.What things narcissists do to confuse you?
1. Gaslighting: They make you doubt your own memories and feelings by denying your reality or twisting facts.
2. Love Bombing: A narcissist may shower their victim with over-the-top affection and attention, creating in you an intense longing for them.
3. Silent Treatment: They can withdraw their love, leaving you desperately hungry for their validation. It may cause you to do all you can to appease your narcissist.
4. Mixed Signals: Narcissists often send mixed messages, randomly switching between acts of kindness and cruelty. This inconsistency can leave you feeling unsure of your position in the relationship.
5. Projection: This is a narcissist’s favorite tactic. They will burden you with all the negative qualities that they have. They can easily call you selfish or manipulative to make you focus on protecting yourself instead of noticing their shortcomings.
6. Narcissistic Triangulation: This is another typical narcissistic ploy — to involve a third party in a two-people relationship. They invite an outside person to discuss or solve your personal relationship conflicts. Of course, the underlying idea is to make you feel outnumbered, involved in an energy-draining drama, and feel isolated.What can be confused with narcissism?
Some mental health conditions share overlapping traits with narcissism:
1. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): They may show intense emotions, unstable relationships, and a fear of abandonment, along with an unstable self-image, feelings of emptiness, and identity issues.
2. Histrionic Personality Disorder: Marked by a need for attention and excessive emotionality. Like narcissists, they may seek constant validation and approval, but are often more theatrical.
3. Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): Narcissism can be one of the traits of ASPD. Antisocial personalities lack empathy, are manipulative, and disregard the rights of others. The key difference is that ASPD includes a pattern of violating societal norms and laws.
4. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD): People with OCPD show a preoccupation with orderliness and perfectionism, which may be confused as traits of a narcissist. However, OCPD is more about rigidity to orderliness than seeking of validation.
5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): A PTSD sufferer’s avoidance behaviors or emotional numbing can be misinterpreted as narcissistic traits. Their focus on self-protection and coping can lead to social misunderstandings.
Final Words
- Narcissists show more aggressive behavior than normal people (Penney & Spector, 2002).
- It has also been shown that narcissists are only aggressive when provoked (Baumeister, Bushman, & Campbell, 2000).
So, when you plan how do you confuse a narcissist, also have plan B. If they read your methods as a challenge to their authority, they can get aggressive. It could push your relationship into a cruel abuser-victim dynamic.
Take care of your safety at all times.
√ Also Read: 10 Things Narcissists Do When They Lose You Forever
√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.
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