How To Deal With Friends Who Do Not Respect You?

✅ Today's Tuesday • 📖 11 mins read

— By Dr. Sandip Roy.

You don’t know how to handle disrespect from friends. One friend you’ve known since childhood roasts your choices, looks, or achievements and then shrugs it off as “just joking.”

Another is repeatedly late, cancels last minute, or simply doesn’t show. Another only reaches out when they need something and vanishes when you need support.

They share what you asked them to keep private and gossip about you, then dismiss your feelings and tell you you’re overreacting.

Friends are a central part of your happiness; we know it, and research backs it up.

But when friends disrespect you, it’s draining. You leave interactions replaying every comment. You stay silent because you don’t want to hurt the friendship or because you hope they’ll understand and stop.

What do you do next?

Here’s How To Deal With Friends Who Don’t Respect You

You’re undecided about confronting friends who don’t respect you because you’ve known them too long and don’t want to lose the friendship.

It’s also hard to predict how they will react if you object, as their behavior feels deeply embedded. Do you know how to take control away from a narcissistic one who dominates or manipulates the friendship?

Here are tips for dealing with friends who don’t respect you:

1. Stop ignoring the signs of disrespect.

Stop avoiding the truth. Start “calling a spade a spade.”

Start noticing their criticisms, hurtful “jokes,” boundary violations, dismissal of your opinions, telling you you’re overreacting, and monopolizing conversations.

Friends do not have the right to use any of those behaviors on you. You wouldn’t accept those from coworkers or family, nor friends.

You may have let it slide before or shown mild displeasure, and it didn’t stop.

Once you’re convinced they won’t change on their own, start noting each instance of disrespect so you can see how often it happens and how serious it is. That record will help you decide how to respond.

As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

2. Build a strong sense of self-worth.

Make your self-worth immune to external validation.

Negative comments from friends will sting and may make you want to retaliate. Occasional reactions are normal, but if those slights erode your self-esteem, that becomes a problem.

Self-esteem is how you evaluate yourself. Self-worth is the deeper belief that you deserve care and respect. Self-respect is the behavior and boundaries you maintain because of that belief.

Stop letting other people’s comments change any of those core views about yourself. Stop caring so much about what others think of you.

Grow such a strong self-core that you stop needing validation from others to feel worthy.

When you respect yourself, you’re more likely to command respect from others. As Confucius said:

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”

Self-respect also fuels personal growth, honesty, confidence, and healthy sensitivity.

• Try this 2-Week Self-Respect Challenge.

3. Never avoid setting boundaries.

No friendship, in fact no relationship, is above boundaries.

Boundaries define what you will and won’t accept. They protect your personal space and ensure others treat you with dignity.

Identify the behaviors that make you uncomfortable and communicate your boundaries clearly.

Plan what you’ll say and how you’ll say it. Be direct and respectful.

When you tell a friend which behaviors you won’t tolerate and what consequence will follow, they may resist or ridicule you, so be prepared.

When they overstep your boundaries, enforce the consequences you promised.

I have a strict boundary against anyone using mother/sister/daughter–related slurs. I don’t tolerate disrespect toward women, and I’ve ended friendships over it. That clarity is valid.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” — Brené Brown

4. Address the issue directly.

Sometimes, friends may not realize the impact of their actions.

Talk to your friend about how their behavior or comments hurt you. Call them out on their behavior and give them instances when they have disrespected you.

Remember to approach them calmly, as you explain how their behavior affects you, and request that they treat you with respect from then on.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman advises, “The antidote to criticism is to make a direct complaint.” When you put up your complaint, they are more likely to hear you out without getting defensive.

Confront them about the issue with honesty and directness. Let them know how bad their behavior makes you feel and what you expect from them.

Try not to evade the issue or ghost the friendship.

5. Seek support from other friends.

It can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach or a trusted friend about your situation.

Don’t be afraid to lean on other friends for support and advice when dealing with disrespectful behavior. They can provide a valuable perspective and may help you realize that you deserve better.

As the saying goes, “A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

Surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you, share your values, and treat you with respect.

Open yourself up to the prospects of new relationships. Engage in social activities, join clubs or organizations, and explore online communities.

Your new connections are more likely to respect you and could lead to opportunities in your career or outside of it.

Remember Oprah Winfrey’s words, “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”

6. Assess your friend and your friendship.

Understand where they’re coming from.

Do you think your friend is behaving the way they are because of some family issues or money issues? Are they going through a tough time or have their own issues that they need to work through?

Ask them if they are having a tough time. Empathize with them. And still, tell them you would rather have them not behave like that with you.

If their disrespectful behavior continues, evaluate whether the friendship is worth maintaining.

Consider whether the friend brings positivity and value to your life or if they consistently undermine your self-worth.

Laakasuo & Rotkirch (2017) checked how people’s personalities are related to the different characteristics of their three closest friends.

• They found that people with high Openness were more likely to have friends who live further away, are of the opposite gender, and another ethnicity, and whom they meet less often.
• Those high on Agreeableness and Extroversion were related to more traditional friendship ties.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So, ask yourself, are you becoming the average of your disrespectful friends?

7. Prioritize your dignity over retaliation.

Ask yourself if it’s worth responding with similar insulting language.

Sometimes, it’s not worth responding to disrespectful behavior. Consider whether it’s worth your time and energy to engage offensively with your friend.

Ultimately, you must prioritize your own well-being and dignity.

Eleanor Roosevelt wisely stated, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

If a friend continues to treat you poorly despite your efforts to address the issue, it may be time to end the friendship.

8. Never forget compassion and kindness.

Respond with kindness.

When your friend is being disrespectful, respond with kindness and respect. This can help defuse the situation and prevent it from escalating.

Dealing with disrespectful friends can take a toll on how you behave with yourself. Even if it feels like you must treat yourself badly for tolerating their behavior, show some self-kindness.

Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your feelings and recognizing your worth (Neff, 2011).

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

9. Focus on your personal growth.

Prioritize your personal growth.

If they do not respect you even after repeated requests, they are probably not worth your time.

Your time would be better served by focusing on yourself and finding new friends to be with who will treat you with respect and decency.

Use the experience of dealing with disrespectful friends as an opportunity for personal growth.

Reflect on your own behaviors and consider how you can improve your communication skills and emotional intelligence (Bradberry & Greaves, 2009).

Brian Tracy says, “Invest three percent of your income in yourself (self-development) to guarantee your future.”

10. Embrace forgiveness for your own peace.

Finally, when you have decided to break off the friendship because they won’t change their behavior toward you, forgive them.

Forgiving is actually more than forgetting. When you forgive, you throw them out of your mind space and take away any agency they may have over you.

You don’t even have to tell them or anyone else that you have forgiven them.

Forgiveness is your personal decision. It is for you first of all, as you choose your own peace by forgiving your offender.

Holding onto anger and resentment can be emotionally draining and prevent you from moving forward.

Embrace forgiveness by acknowledging the hurt, understanding the situation from a broader perspective, and ultimately letting go (Luskin, 2001).

Desmond Tutu wisely said, “Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”

References

• Laakasuo & Rotkirch, 2017. The Company You Keep: Personality and Friendship Characteristics.
• Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself.
• Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart.
• Luskin, F. (2001). Forgive for good: A proven prescription for health and happiness.

What Happens When Your Friends Don’t Respect You

Your friends are the first relationships that you choose. So, you feel doubly worse. First, they were insensitive and hurt you. Second, you blame yourself for choosing them.

• Feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed. When a friend disrespects us, it can be very hurtful. We may feel angry, betrayed, and even question our self-worth.
• Losing trust in our friends. Once a friend has disrespected us, it can be difficult to trust them again. We may worry that they will hurt us again, or that they don’t really care about us.
• Feeling isolated and alone. When we feel like our friends don’t respect us, it can be isolating. We may feel like we don’t have anyone to turn to, and that we’re all alone.
• Decreasing self-esteem. When our friends disrespect us, it can damage our self-esteem. We may start to believe that we’re not good enough, or that we don’t deserve to be treated with respect.
• Increased anxiety and depression. The stress of dealing with a disrespectful friend can lead to anxiety and depression. We may start to worry about everything, and we may feel like we can’t do anything right.

Final Words

Looking at friendships from another side, here are 5 tips from Jill Suttie in Greater Good Magazine, “How to Make the Lasting Friendships You Want“:

1. Make an effort to know people. This means being present and engaged in conversations, asking questions, and sharing about yourself.
2. Be yourself. People are drawn to those who are authentic and genuine. Don’t try to be someone you’re not just to fit in.
3. Be supportive. Be there for your friends when they need you, and offer them your support and encouragement.
4. Be forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes. If your friend hurts you, be willing to forgive them and move on.
5. Be grateful. Let your friends know how much you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” can go a long way.

Whatever you do, please do not ignore the issue of a friend who is always being rude. It creates a bad example for your future self.

Address it head-on. Be brutal in analyzing whether the friendship is worth keeping. Remember what Les Brown said:

“Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”

Their rude opinions do not decide your worth. Always prioritize your self-respect and let no one demean you repeatedly, however good a friend they may be.

Set and enforce the seven boundaries in every relationship.

√ Also Read: 8 Signs of A Toxic Friendship & How To Handle Them

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