Honestly, Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

Reading time: 10 minutes

• Narcissists are arrogant, boastful, and highly self-important people. They expect and even demand constant praise and special treatment.
• They don’t care if others are hurt because of what they do. In fact, they don’t think they can do anyone wrong (“it’s the situation that did it, not me”).
• Most cruelly, they freely use people and relationships for personal gain.

So, we may lapse into thinking that these people are so full of themselves, they wouldn’t have any self-awareness of their condition.

But, the truth may not be that simple. So, what’s the truth?

By the way, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinical diagnosis, a severe form of narcissism.

Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

In short — Narcissists have a bare idea of who they are, but they are not entirely aware of themselves. Moreover, their stubborn refusal to admit their true nature and self-deficit makes self-awareness even harder.

Most narcissists can recognize their behaviors as narcissistic, selfish, or at least against the social norms. But their sense of superiority makes it hard for them to admit their faults and problematic behavior. As a result, they deny or justify their misdeeds and mistakes.

Insights into why don’t like to acknowledge who they truly are:

• Shame: Narcissists often feel a deep sense of shame for their imperfections and ordinariness. This shame makes them create and believe in a grandiose, perfect, and superior self-image.

• Less Guilt: They are more likely to do bad things, but less likely to feel bad about it. The study “Guilt and Proneness to Shame: Unethical Behavior in Vulnerable and Grandiose Narcissism” found that narcissists tend to engage in unethical behavior more but feel less guilty about it than others.

• Benefits of Being Bad: Narcissists may recognize (and repeat) their behavior if it benefits them in some way. If they think that their anger, criticism, or sarcasm helped them get more authority, power, or admiration, they will do it again.

• Blame-Shifting: The narcissist will first try to shift the blame for their faulty behavior onto someone else. If forced to take responsibility, they try to include others as also having a role, while justifying or minimizing their own actions.

• Change-Resistant: Narcissists have a hard time accepting or handling criticism and embracing feedback, whether positive or constructive. Even experts hold that NPD is difficult to treat, as they resist admitting to or changing the way they think and behave.

“NPD is an egosyntonic disorder.” — Mitra & Fluyau (2024).

• Ego: the person’s sense of self, identity, and self-perception.
• Syntonic: means “in harmony or sync with” the person’s personality and environment.

The person with NPD sees their bloated self-image and problematic behaviors as acceptable or even desirable. They typically think it is alright to feel arrogant and self-centered, have low empathy for others, and exploit people.

In that sense, their understanding of their own narcissism is generally poor. (They can easily label others as being narcissistic, though).

So, the next question arises here: Are narcissists self-aware or not?

Do Narcissists Have Self-Concept?

Self-concept = a person’s overall view of themselves, including their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about themselves.

Adaptive narcissists have a strong self-concept, while pathological narcissists have a compromised self-concept, as this study found.

1. Adaptive Narcissism

A healthy form of narcissism.

• Adaptive narcissists have a strong sense of self-worth, high levels of self-authenticity, and a consistent sense of self.
• They are confident, yet humble and aware of their limitations.
• They are also more likely to be successful in their careers and relationships.
• They have a greater sense of uniqueness and a need for public exposure.

2. Pathological Narcissism

A more unhealthy form of narcissism that can be harmful to the individual and others.

• Pathological narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and a need for admiration.
• They are also more likely to be manipulative, exploitative, and entitled.
• They have a greater concern about others’ reactions and a feeling of an insubstantial existence.

• Also read: 12 Subtle Signs Of Narcissism To Watch Out For

Narcissists And Self-Awareness

Narcissists may appear self-confident and self-assured, but often lack self-awareness. They cannot fully grasp or analyze the roots of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Narcissists may notice they are being manipulative or controlling, still, they may not understand why it is a problem for others.

Self-awareness is essential for personal growth. But, since narcissists don’t see their behavior as an issue, they don’t feel the need to change. They even believe that their behavior is justified and that others need to change.

• “You could have told me it hurt you that bad when I hit you.”
• “I don’t see it as my fault, so why do I need to change?”
• “I didn’t hit you. You brought it on yourself.”

The lack of self-awareness can make it difficult for narcissists to keep healthy relationships. This can lead aging narcissists to become isolated and lonely.

How Do Narcissists View Themselves?

Narcissists maintain a toxic sense of entitlement and superiority, while being plagued by underlying insecurities and a fragile self-image.

1. Sense of Superiority and Entitlement:

• View themselves as superior, special, unique, and deserving of special treatment.
• Believe they have earned the right to this treatment through their talents and successes.

2. Preoccupation with Public Image:

• Invest heavily in creating a perfect, flawless public persona.
• Worry excessively about what others think of them.

3. Lack of Empathy:

• Difficulty relating to and responding to the feelings of others.
• Some narcissists can read others’ thoughts without feeling moved by their emotions.

4. Underlying Insecurities:

• Despite their confident exterior, they harbor deep-seated fears of failure and rejection.
• This can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

5. Envy and Admiration of Others:

• Envious of those they perceive as more successful.
• Fanatically admire “supreme leaders” and dictators.

How Do Narcissists Behave In Their Relationships?

Narcissists have a recurring pattern in their relationships: The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle.

• Narcissists often enter into relationships to get their supply (fulfillment of their needs and desires, and receiving of validation and praise).
• They can use their partner as a social ladder rather than a valued person with whom to build a deep connection and trust.
• Narcissists are manipulative and controlling, often using gaslighting and lying to make their partner doubt their own reality and boundaries. Their partners languish in confusion and helplessness, feeling trapped in the relationship.
• They deliberately violate their partner’s boundaries, even after clear instructions not to, as they see themselves as entitled to whatever they want. They become angry or vitriolic when their partner tries to set limits, asserts their need for personal space, or mentions boundary overstepping.
• They may seek out emotionally vulnerable, weak-willed, or traumatized partners who are easier to control and manipulate. They may even go on to use their vulnerable partner for some “cruel fun,” creating a vicious cycle of toxicity.
• The narcissist’s tendency to prioritize their own needs and desires over their partner’s takes a heavy toll on the relationship. Most narcissistic relationships tend to be bitter, regardless of whether they stay together or part ways.

Why Narcissists Crave Control and Power?

Narcissists crave control and power because:

• Power provides a sense of validation and superiority, and narcissists believe they are superior and deserve all privileges.
• Achievements, talents, and brilliance boost their self-esteem and reinforce their grandiose self-image.
• They use their charm and charisma to manipulate and exploit others for personal gain, whether it’s achieving their goals or boosting their self-esteem.

So, their need for control and power stems from their fragile ego and desire to maintain a grandiose self-perception.

Do Narcissists Suffer Negative Consequences?

Research suggests that narcissists do experience negative consequences:

1. Relationship Difficulties

• Struggle to maintain healthy relationships due to lack of emotional connection and prioritizing their own needs.
• This can lead to relationship problems, including divorce and separation.

2. Work and School Performance

• Grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement can lead to conflicts with others.
• This can result in negative evaluations, poor academic performance, and workplace difficulties.

3. Physical Health Problems

• Narcissists may be more prone to physical health issues due to the stress and anxiety from their interpersonal difficulties and pressure to maintain their image.

4. Alcohol Misuse

• Narcissists may engage in alcohol abuse as a way to seek pleasure and excitement, as well as escape negative emotions.

5. Suicidal Thoughts

• Narcissists may experience suicidal ideation due to their difficulty coping with negative emotions and tendency for impulsive behavior.

FAQs

Final Words

• Narcissists have a big ego, but it’s fragile. 
• Some people with narcissism can function well in society.
• Pathological narcissists have unstable self-esteem, are perfectionists, and are frequently aggressive.

√ Also Read: Do Narcissists Like Other Narcissists: Unravel The Paradox

√ Please spread the word if you found this helpful.

• Our Story!