Female Narcissist Cheating Patterns: 20 Typical Traits

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Female narcissists are often considered masters of deception, outdoing their male counterparts in the cheating game.

• They are more capable of cheating on their partners than their male counterparts.
• They are also more likely to cheat in any type of relationship, not just romantic relationships.
• The infidelity of female narcissists can be much harder to detect than that of male narcissists.

Did you know that women and men narcissists cheat for different reasons?

1. Women cheat to fulfill their need for validation and emotional connection.
2. Men are more driven by physical intimacy desire or the pursuit of novelty.

You might want to know what turns on a female narcissist. And understand their typical cheating patterns, so you may handle the situation better.

Read on to find more interesting bits, keeping in mind that not all narcissists cheat, and not all cheaters are narcissists.

20 Female Narcissist Cheating Patterns

Female narcissists are often considered masters of deception, outdoing their male counterparts in the cheating game. These are their signs:

1. Subtle Behavioral Changes

She starts to show subtle behavioral changes. Her schedule gains new recurring commitments or vague time gaps that don’t add up.

She could take to wearing more makeup, often going on shopping sprees, or changing how she spends her free time.

She may go for more frequent manicures, hair appointments, or extra attention to skin and body care. Or may start flaunting dresses, bags, or perfume that she didn’t use before.

She may start to keep her phone face down, clear browser history more often, or use disappearing-message apps.

She flirts and showers compliments in public or social settings but acts cold or distant at home.

These suggest that she has found something or someone to catch her attention outside the relationship.

2. Increased Secrecy

This is one very obvious sign. She suddenly has more things to hide and be secretive about. She begins to spend more time online and explains it as work.

She tends to keep her phone with her at all times (even taking it to the bathroom), change her phone and laptop access code, and lock all the apps.

When you want to know what’s with so much secrecy, she says you are violating her personal space.

3. Intimacy Pattern Shifts

Changes in her intimacy patterns should be enough to suspect she might have been getting intimate with another person. She may try new things in the bedroom. She may also withhold affection and mating, and play “frigid.”

4. Accusing You of Cheating

She accuses you of cheating and of having a “roving eye” to put you on the defensive. This is narcissistic projection. It is to put you in an overthink mode, analyzing all your possible infidelity behaviors, and distract you from her actions.

5. Constant Lying

Cheating female narcissists constantly lie about their activities. It is not many bits of lies, but an elaborate web of lies to cover up her cheating act.

They are masters (or “mistresses”) of lying, gaslighting, and word salad. They are so outright convincing as liars because they believe the stories they tell about themselves.

You’re exhausted by their arguments. Ultimately, you are somewhat scared of asking them to explain an odd behavior.

6. Starting Major Fights

They start major fights with you. Why does she need her space and time alone, you wonder?

Many of her unprovoked fights finish with “I need time off from you.” Over time, when these get more frequent, you could see it as a red flag for their adultery.

7. Love Bombing

Love-bombing is an attempt to influence someone through lavish displays of attention and affection.

The cheating narcissist woman may shower you with excessive love and show seductive acts like a purring voice and coquettish acts.

The goal is often to get you to give her something, especially if she’s dependent on you for money. This can happen after a fight, or lead to a fight when you decline their demand.

8. Unexplained Absences

She has many absences that she won’t explain to you convincingly. She might tell you some sketchy stories, avoiding the details of her whereabouts.

If she mentions she was with a female friend, make sure to ask this friend (if she exists in reality) about what’s going on with her. Even if she doesn’t give away the affair, her body language may reveal some red flags.

9. Manipulating Their Affair Partner

She’ll most likely manipulate her cheating partner, making him frightened by your dangerous temper and powerful connections. The other person, as a result, may deny the affair even when asked under a threat of leaving them.

10. Putting You Down

She will put you down on many fronts, comparing you to others. Nothing is off limits here. She can make you feel worse for even those qualities that she liked and loved about you.

Take her frequent criticisms as a red flag: You are being compared to her romantic interest.

11. Conditional Attention

This is a classic narcissistic technique to keep you in control.

She gives you care and attention only when you “behave well,” that is, when you don’t ask intrusive questions about her actions or location.

She can accuse you of stalking her or spying on her, telling you that’s making her “walk on eggshells” around you. And tells you she can love you more deeply when you stop following her life outside the home.

12. Retaliation for Boundaries

She can viciously retaliate when you set boundaries for her. For example, you won’t open the door if she returns home after 8 pm, or you will have to have a weekend dinner with her.

She can blame you for being controlling and try to make you feel guilty for reasons that “only God knows.”

13. Habitual Lying

Cheating narcissists are prone to habitual lying. They lie unnecessarily about little things as well as major issues.

They can spin an entire web of deception so that you are too perplexed to prove their adultery.

14. Defensive Reactions

They get defensive when questioned about adultery, refusing to even have a casual chat about an adulterous act on a TV show.

They react in an oddly fierce way, accusing you of “wanting” or “scheming” to cheat on them, so you get self-protective rather than asking their thoughts on infidelity.

15. Loyalty Evasion

Narcissists do not promise their undying loyalty to you. Instead, they quickly turn the questions on you. They brush off your doubts by saying things like, “I’ve had plenty of chances. Even some of your friends made a pass at me. Yet, I’m still here with you.”

Somehow, these comments don’t make you feel better; they just make you think twice about mentioning the issue again.

16. Demanding More Space

They demand more freedom and personal space, often quoting the reason that you have mentally, physically, and emotionally fatigued them.

This may signal that they are getting more decisive about seeking time and pleasure with someone else.

17. Odd Online Behaviors

They display odd online behavior, like creating many dubious social media profiles and flirting with others (even with you) through those.

They may create dating profiles or overshare personal details about their desperation and relationship boredom.

18. Flashy Spending

They may spend more money on flashy items to impress others. You may get surprise bills on your credit cards. This might mean trying to up their seduction.

19. Indifference to Evidence

Female narcissists become indifferent when confronted with undeniable proof of their cheating.

They show no remorse, blame you for “making them do it,” and even dare you to leave the relationship by threatening to file battery or non-consensual abuse charges against you.

20. Risky Intimate Behavior

Narcissists prefer short-term relationships over long-term ones (Reise & Wright, 1996). They might use some forms of intimacy coercion to get more short-term partners (Holtzman & Strube, 2011).

Multiple partners, uncommitted physical relationships like one-night stands, intimate hostility, and risky, unprotected intimacy are often their default.

• Studies show women with antagonistic features of grandiose narcissism can engage in coercion when they desire intimacy from romantic partners (Ryan et al., 2008).
• These women might use manipulation tactics, take advantage of intoxicated people, or even cause physical harm when their advances are rejected (Blinkhorn et al., 2015).

“Research suggests that narcissism is often associated with aggressive physical intimacy behaviors in both men and women, although … our surprise finding (is) that narcissistic rivalry relates to higher levels of aggressive intimate behavior in women more than in men.”

– Barnett & Millward, 2020

Do Narcissistic Partners Cheat More?

Yes, narcissistic partners are more likely to cheat in their relationships. They also have a more permissive attitude towards infidelity and often view it as acceptable behavior.

Narcissists cheat in their primary relationship to fulfill their need for admiration and validation, or a sense of entitlement that they can get away with it.

This study found that husbands are more likely to cheat when their wives have a high level of narcissism. However, this link was driven by the husband’s relationship satisfaction. If the husband is not satisfied, a narcissistic wife makes it more likely for him to cheat.

The same study also found that wives high on extraversion (sociability and assertiveness), and spouses with partners scoring high in neuroticism (emotional instability) or extraversion, were more likely to cheat.

Do Women Narcissists Cheat More Than Men Narcissists?

No, experts suggest narcissistic men are more likely to cheat, not narcissistic women. This could be due to societal norms that may give relaxed reins to men to pursue multiple partners or view male infidelity as more acceptable.

Women’s cheating can be harder to detect, though women are quicker and better at detecting men’s cheating.

Ein‑Dor & Hirschberger (2015) found that women are both quicker and more accurate at spotting signs of cheating. They also confirmed that women tend to use indirect strategies (“secret tests”) to check their partner’s faithfulness.

7 Red Flags of A Cheating Female Narcissist

7 of the most glaring red flags of a narcissistic woman’s cheating:

1. Sudden behavior change: becoming distant, not paying attention to their partner’s talks, canceling going out with their partners, being less interested in spending time together, or spending more time on the phone.
2. Increased attention to appearance: dressing up more, increased makeup use, or starting to go to or spending more time at the gym or yoga studios.
3. Lying or hiding details: lying about their exact whereabouts, making excuses for absence, getting angry at questions related to their whereabouts, calling at odd times to inquire about minor things (actually to find out where their partners are).
4. Increased criticism: becoming more critical or picking fights with their partner over minor issues.
5. Devaluing their partner: comparing their partners with more accomplished people, belittling their achievements, or demeaning them in public.
6. Shift in intimacy preferences: Sudden new interests or decreased interest in intimacy, indicating her needs are being met elsewhere.
7. Denial and Deflection: When confronted, vehemently deny any wrongdoing, blame-shifting, and accuse the partner of boundary violations or being unfaithful, further obscuring the truth and causing confusion.

Gathering Evidence On A Female Narcissist Cheater

1. Install home security cameras: Strategically place cameras to monitor their activities when you’re not around.
2. Use geolocation devices: Attach tracking devices to their personal items, such as their car or handbag, to monitor their whereabouts.
3. Monitor phone usage: Employ software to track call logs, text messages, and app usage for suspicious activity.
4. Check bank statements: Keep an eye on financial records for unexplained or unusual expenses that may indicate cheating.
5. Document encounters: Take note of any suspicious meetings or interactions, including date, time, and location, for future reference.

Note: Depending on your local laws, some of these methods may infringe on your partner’s privacy and can be considered invasive or even illegal. Consult a lawyer for ethical and legal implications beforehand.

Do you know about high-functioning psychopaths, who hide among us but do not show harmful tendencies except when under extreme pressure?

Types of Female Narcissistic Cheating

1. Emotional Cheating
2. Physical Cheating
3. Financial Cheating
4. Cyber Cheating

Why Female Narcissists Cheat

First, the nature of the narcissistic disorder is such that it makes any narcissist prone to collecting as much validation and attention as they can.

Second, female narcissist know that they can get away with their affairs easily, and actually do.

Reise & Wright (1996) found narcissists freely admit to seeking short-term relationships. They also found that unrestricted women described themselves as attractive but not ethically or morally consistent. They also admitted to choosing to play different roles depending on the situation.

“Cheating is a symptom of a deeper problem in the relationship. What lies beneath are often issues like lack of communication, intimacy, trust, or security. Blah, blah, blah…”

How A Female Narcissist Handles Cheating Allegations

Female narcissists are often better at hiding their infidelity and falsely blaming their partner for being unfaithful.

1. Female narcissists plan their cheating overtures so carefully that it may take years, or even decades, for their partners to suspect they’re cheating.
2. They are skilled at deceit, lying, and dishonesty, so they role-play their way through it, from playing a hapless victim to their cheating partner to blaming their true partner for not fulfilling their relationship needs.
3. Even if their partner suspects it, she will create such a high-octane drama that it becomes impossible to distinguish fact from fiction.
4. Ultimately, their partner may be too afraid to raise the issue again and may simply accept the things (learned helplessness).

Advantages of A Female Narcissist In Cheating

• Female narcissists have more options than male narcissists, such is our society. They tend to use their feminity as a means to manipulate and control men, skillfully leveraging their beauty (using make-up to meet social standards of attractiveness) to entice new lovers. They cheat on their partners to fulfill their need to get attention, admiration, and affirmation.
• When caught cheating, they often rationalize their infidelity by crying, pleading guilty, exploiting their emotional vulnerability, threatening with gender-based harassment, or discarding their partners if they have found a better partner.
• Research shows tend to have greater emotional awareness, activity, adeptness, expressiveness, and comprehension compared to men (Croyle, 2002; Mirgain, 2007; Venkatappa, 2012). This could stem from their evolutionary edge in emotional interactions, as they needed to socialize and protect their young while men were away hunting. Female narcissists know this and use this to their advantage.
• They may leverage their emotional arsenal to manipulate and gaslight their partners more easily and effectively, using guilt, shame, and fear to maintain control. This keeps their partners reliant on the narcissist for validation and love, making it difficult to break free from the unhealthy relationship.

Why Do Female Narcissists Cheat?

To be fair, the relationship behaviors of female narcissists largely mirror those of any narcissist. They have low empathy, inflated self-image, high need for praise, self-centeredness, remorseless exploitation, and a sense of entitlement.

Narcissists often have a history of compulsive cheating and unfaithful behaviors. This may have links to their need for validation and praise from others.

So, female narcissists cheat for many of the same reasons male narcissists do.

• They may feel entitled to cheat because they believe they are special and unique and that the rules do not apply to them.
• They may also cheat to boost their self-esteem and sense of power and control over their partner.
• Female narcissists may also cheat as a way to punish their partner for perceived slights or to get revenge for past hurts.
• They may also cheat as a way to escape the boredom and monotony of a long-term relationship and to seek out new sources of excitement and validation.

Not all female narcissists cheat, but if you are with a female narcissist, be aware that she has a higher-than-normal potential for cheating on you.

Dealing With A Cheating Female Narcissist

1. Set strict and specific boundaries. Communicate clearly what behavior you will not tolerate from them and what you will do if they overstep.
2. Reach out to family and friends if you don’t feel confident enough to handle her. Beware of the narcissist’s flying monkeys.
3. Seek out a therapist or counselor, especially if you are in an abusive relationship. Save your national emergency helpline.
4. Leave the relationship. Have a plan before leaving: a safe place to stay, enough money to sustain you for three months, and get legal advice if needed.

“A narcissist will never be accountable for their actions. They will always blame someone else or justify their behavior in some way. You can’t change them, but you can change how you respond to them.” — Shannon Thomas

Final Words

Take-home messages:

1. Watch for red flags. Note down any signs that you think might point to her cheating, address issues quickly, set boundaries, and fix consequences.
2. Talk to others. Talk about your worries and suspicions with your loved ones or even counselors, and find out what they think about your situation.
3. Prioritize your happiness. You deserve to be happy. If you feel you can never be happy in the relationship, end the relationship.

√ Also Read: How to leave a narcissist, even if you have no money?

√ Please share this with someone.

» You deserve happiness! Choosing therapy could be your best decision.

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