Female Narcissist Cheating Patterns: 20 Typical Traits

Reading time: 14 minutes

Did you know that women and men narcissists cheat for different reasons?

1. Women cheat to fulfill their need for validation and emotional connection.
2. Men are more driven by sexual desire or the pursuit of novelty.

You might want to know what turns on a female narcissist. And understand their typical cheating patterns, so you may handle the situation better.

Read on to find more interesting bits, keeping in mind that not all narcissists cheat, and not all cheaters are narcissists.

Female Narcissist Cheating Patterns: 20 Signs of A Woman Narcissist’s Cheating

Female narcissists are often considered masters of deception, outdoing their male counterparts in the cheating game.

20 Cheating Patterns of A Female Narcissist

1. Subtle Behavioral Changes: She starts to show subtle changes in behavior, like wearing more make-up, buying new clothes and bags, or changing her hairstyle. These may not be defining, but they do suggest that she has found something or someone to catch her attention.
2. Increased Secrecy: This is one very obvious sign — she has more things to hide and be secretive about. She begins to spend more time online and explains it as work. She tends to keep her phone with her at all times (even taking it to the bathroom), change her phone and laptop access code, and lock all the apps. When you want to know what’s with so much secrecy, she says you are invading her personal space.
3. Intimacy Pattern Shifts: Changes in her intimacy patterns should be enough to suspect she might have been getting intimate with another person. She may try new things in the bedroom. She may also withhold affection and mating, and play “frigid.”
4. Accusing You of Cheating: She accuses you of cheating and of having a “roving eye” to put you on the defensive. This is narcissistic projection. It is to put you on an overthink mode, analyzing all your possible infidelity behaviors, and distract you from her actions.
5. Constant Lying: Cheating female narcissists constantly lie about their activities. It is not many bits of lies, but an elaborate web of lies that cover up her cheating act. They are master (or “mistress”) liars because they believe the stories they tell about themselves. You’re exhausted by their arguments. Ultimately, you are somewhat scared of asking them to explain an odd behavior.
6. Starting Major Fights: They start major fights with you, to create distance or time alone. Many of her unprovoked fights finish with “I need time off from you.” Over time, when these get more frequent, you could see it as a red flag for their adultery.
7. Love Bombing: She may “love bomb” you with seductive actions, purring voice, and coquettish acts, to get you to give them something, especially if she’s dependent on you for money. This can happen after a fight, or lead to a fight when you decline their demand.
8. Unexplained Absences: She has many absences which she won’t explain to you convincingly. She might tell you some sketchy stories, avoiding the details of her whereabouts. If she mentions she was with a female friend, make sure to ask this friend (is she exists in reality) about what’s going on with her. Even if she doesn’t give away the affair, her body language may reveal some red flags.
9. Manipulating Their Affair Partner: She’ll most likely manipulate her cheating partner, making him frightened by your dangerous temper and powerful connections. The other person, as a result, may deny the affair even with the proverbial gun to their head.
10. Putting You Down: She will put you down on many fronts, comparing you to others. Nothing is off limits here — she can make you feel worse for even those qualities that she liked and loved about you. Take her frequent criticisms as a red flag: You are being compared to her romantic interest.
11. Conditional Attention: She gives you care and attention only when you “behave well,” that is, when you don’t ask intrusive questions about her actions or location. This is a classic narcissistic technique to keep you in control. She can accuse you of stalking or spying, to prevent you from doing so.
12. Retaliation for Boundaries: She can viciously retaliate when you set boundaries for her. For example, you won’t open the door if she returns home after 8 pm, or you will have to have weekend dinner with her. She can will blame you for being controlling and try to make you feel guilty for reasons that “only God knows.”
13. Habitual Lying: Cheating narcissists are prone to habitual lying. They lie unnecessarily about little things as well as major issues. They spin an entire web of deception so that you are too perplexed to prove their adultery.
14. Defensive Reactions: They get defensive when questioned about adultery, refusing to even have a casual chat about an adulterous act on a TV show. They react in an oddly fierce way, accusing you of “wanting” or “scheming” to cheat on them, so you get self-protective rather than asking their thoughts on infidelity. (It is actually a narcissistic projection.)
15. Loyalty Evasion: Narcissists do not promise their undying loyalty to you. Instead, they quickly turn the questions on you. They brush off your doubts by saying things like, “I’ve had plenty of chances. Even some of your friends made a pass at me. Yet, I’m still here with you.” Somehow, these comments don’t make you feel better; they just make you think twice about mentioning the issue again.
16. Demanding More Space: They demand more freedom and personal space, often quoting the reason as you have mentally, physically, and emotionally fatigued them. This may signal that they are getting more decisive about seeking time and pleasure with someone else.
17. Odd Online Behaviors: They display odd online behavior, like creating many dubious social media profiles and flirting with others (even with you) through those. They may create dating profiles or overshare personal details about their personal desperation and relationship boredom.
18. Flashy Spending: They may spend more money on flashy items to impress others. You may get surprise bills on your credit cards. This might mean trying to up their seduction.
19. Indifference to Evidence: Female narcissists become indifferent when confronted with undeniable proof of their cheating. They show no remorse, blame you for “making them do it,” and even dare you to leave the relationship by threatening to file assault or non-consensual abuse charges against you.
20. Risky Sexual Behavior: Multiple partners, uncommitted sexual relationships like one-night stands, sexual aggression, and risky, unprotected sexual behaviors are often default behaviors. Narcissistic people prefer short-term relationships over long-term ones (Reise & Wright, 1996). They might use some forms of sexual coercion to get more short-term partners (Holtzman & Strube, 2011).

• Studies show women with antagonistic features of grandiose narcissism can engage in coercion when they desire sex from romantic partners (Ryan et al., 2008).
• These women might use manipulation tactics, take advantage of intoxicated people, or even cause physical harm when their advances are rejected (Blinkhorn et al., 2015).

“Research suggests that narcissism is often associated with aggressive sexual behaviors in both men and women, although … our surprise finding (is) that narcissistic rivalry relates to higher levels of aggressive sexual behavior in women more than in men.”

– Barnett & Millward, 2020

Do Narcissistic Partners Cheat More?

Yes, narcissistic partners are more likely to cheat in their relationships. They also have a more permissive attitude towards infidelity and often view it as acceptable behavior.

Narcissists cheat in their primary relationship to fulfill their need for admiration and validation, or a sense of entitlement that they can get away with it.

This study found that husbands are more likely to cheat when their wives have a high level of narcissism. However, this link was driven by the husband’s relationship satisfaction. If the husband is not satisfied, a narcissistic wife makes it more likely for him to cheat.

The same study also found wives high on extraversion (sociability and assertiveness), and spouses with partners scoring high in neuroticism (emotional instability) or extraversion, were more likely to cheat.

Do Women Narcissists Cheat More Than Men Narcissists?

No, experts suggest narcissistic men are more likely to engage in infidelity overall, compared to women narcissists.This could be due to societal norms that may give relaxed reins to men to pursue multiple partners, or view male infidelity as more acceptable.

How To Spot A Cheating Female Narcissist: Red Flags

Female narcissists are often skilled at hiding their infidelity, and may even manipulate their partners into thinking they are the ones being unfaithful.

Some red flags of their cheating behavior:

1. Sudden change in behavior: becoming distant, less interested in spending time together, and constantly on the phone.
2. Frequent lying: lying about their exact whereabouts, making excuses for absence, calling at odd times to inquire about minor things (actually to find out where their partners are).
3. Increased attention to appearance: dressing up more, increased makeup use, or spending more time at the gym or yoga studios.
4. Increased criticism: becoming more critical or picking fights over minor issues.
5. Devaluing their partner: comparing their partners with more accomplished people, belittling their achievements, or demeaning them in public.
6. Shift in sexual preferences: Sudden new interests or decreased interest in intimacy needs, indicating needs met elsewhere.
7. Gaslighting: Female narcissists may manipulate your emotions and perceptions, making you feel irrational or paranoid for suspecting infidelity. This psychological tactic can undermine your confidence and self-trust.
8. Denial and Deflection: When confronted, they might vehemently deny any wrongdoing, deflecting blame onto you by accusing you of being unfaithful or mistrustful, further obscuring the truth and causing confusion.

Gathering Evidence On A Female Narcissist Cheater

1. Install home security cameras: Strategically place cameras to monitor their activities when you’re not around.
2. Use geolocation devices: Attach tracking devices to their personal items, such as their car or handbag, to monitor their whereabouts.
3. Monitor phone usage: Employ software to track call logs, text messages, and app usage for suspicious activity.
4. Check bank statements: Keep an eye on financial records for unexplained or unusual expenses that may indicate cheating.
5. Document encounters: Take note of any suspicious meetings or interactions, including date, time, and location for future reference.

Please note that some of these methods may infringe on your partner’s privacy and can be considered invasive or even illegal, depending on your local laws. Do consider the ethical and legal implications before proceeding with these methods.

Do you know about high-functioning psychopaths, who hide among us but do not show violent tendencies except when under extreme pressure?

Types of Female Narcissistic Cheating

1. Emotional Cheating
2. Physical Cheating
3. Financial Cheating
4. Cyber Cheating

Why Female Narcissists Cheat

First, the nature of the narcissistic disorder is such that it makes any narcissist prone to collecting as much validation and attention as they can.

Second, female narcissist know that they can get away with their affairs easily, and actually do.

Reise & Wright (1996) found narcissists freely admit to seeking short-term relationships. They also found that unrestricted women described themselves as attractive but not ethically or morally consistent. They also admitted choosing to play different roles depending on the situation.

“Cheating is a symptom of a deeper problem in the relationship. What lies beneath are often issues like lack of communication, intimacy, trust, or security. Blah, blah, blah…”

Those above are normal people’s issues, not narcissists, who will compulsively cheat and often have a long reputation for being unfaithful partners.

How A Female Narcissist Handles Cheating Allegations

1. Female narcissists plan their cheating overtures so carefully that it may take years, or even decades, for their partners to suspect they’re cheating.
2. They are skilled at deceit, lying, and dishonesty, so they role-play their way through it, from playing a hapless victim to their cheating partner to blaming their true partner for not fulfilling their relationship needs.
3. Even if their partner suspects it, she will create such a high-octane drama that it becomes impossible to distinguish fact from fiction.
4. Ultimately, their partner may be too afraid to raise the issue again and may simply accept the things (learned helplessness).

Advantages of A Female Narcissist In Cheating

• Female narcissists have more options than male narcissists, such is our society. They tend to use their sexuality as a means to manipulate and control men, skillfully leveraging their beauty (using make-up to meet social standards of attractiveness) to entice new lovers. They cheat on their partners to fulfill their need to get attention, admiration, and affirmation.
• When caught cheating, they often rationalize their infidelity by crying, pleading guilty, exploiting their emotional vulnerability, threatening with gender-based harassment, or discarding their partners if they have found a better partner.
• Research shows tend to have greater emotional awareness, activity, adeptness, expressiveness, and comprehension compared to men (Croyle, 2002; Mirgain, 2007; Venkatappa, 2012). This could stem from their evolutionary edge in emotional interactions, as they needed to socialize and protect their young while men were away hunting. Female narcissists know this and use this to their advantage.
• They may leverage their emotional arsenal to manipulate and gaslight their partners more easily and effectively, using guilt, shame, and fear to maintain control. This keeps their partners reliant on the narcissist for validation and love, making it difficult to break free from the unhealthy relationship.

Why Do Female Narcissists Cheat?

To be fair, the relationship behaviors of female narcissists largely mirror those of any narcissist — limited empathy, inflated self-image, insatiable need for praise, self-centered exploitation, and a grand sense of entitlement.

So, female narcissists cheat for many of the same reasons male narcissists do.

• They may feel entitled to cheat because they believe they are special and unique and that the rules do not apply to them.
• They may also cheat to boost their self-esteem and sense of power and control over their partner.
• Female narcissists may also cheat as a way to punish their partner for perceived slights or to get revenge for past hurts.
• They may also cheat as a way to escape the boredom and monotony of a long-term relationship and to seek out new sources of excitement and validation.

Not all female narcissists cheat, but if you are with a female narcissist, be aware that she has a higher-than-normal potential for cheating on you.

Dealing With A Cheating Female Narcissist

1. Set strict and specific boundaries. Communicate clearly what behavior you will not tolerate from them and what you will do if they overstep.
2. Reach out to family and friends if you don’t feel confident enough to handle her. Beware of the narcissist’s flying monkeys.
3. Seek out a therapist or counselor, especially if you are in an abusive relationship. Save the domestic violence hotline or the national emergency helpline on your phone.
4. Leave the relationship. Have a plan before leaving — a safe place to stay, enough money to sustain you for three months, and get legal advice if needed.

“A narcissist will never be accountable for their actions. They will always blame someone else or justify their behavior in some way. You can’t change them, but you can change how you respond to them.” — Shannon Thomas

Final Words

Take-home messages:

1. Watch for red flags. Note down any signs that you think might point to her cheating, address issues quickly, set boundaries, and fix consequences.
2. Talk to others. Talk about your worries and suspicions with your loved ones or even counselors, and find out what they think about your situation.
3. Prioritize your happiness. You deserve to be happy. If you feel you can never be happy in the relationship, end the relationship.

√ Also Read: How to leave a narcissist, even if you have no money?

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