30 Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist (Why And When)

Narcissists are experts at mind games and word salads. We found some funny things to say to a narcissist to help you flip the script.

  • Narcissists are people with oversized egos, who give a hoot about other people’s feelings while craving constant attention and admiration.
  • They are arrogant, entitled, and jealous, always thinking they deserve special treatment because they are superior to everyone else.
  • True narcissists have a tendency to manipulate and gaslight, and will consistently demean others to feel better themselves.

After that, you might think that trying to outsmart a narcissist is like trying to win a game against a wicked wizard. So, we suggest four amusing ways to outdo them in convo:

  1. Own It: Telling them, “Yes, you’re absolutely right!” may seem counterintuitive, but validating their stand against you can throw them off their game. Suddenly, their high horse becomes a tiny pony. Watch them struggle to recalibrate their fury.
  2. Predict Their Next Move: Narcissists are creatures of habit. So, when they start their performance, calmly say, “And now that you have emptied your blame garbage on me, you’re going to pull up other things from history to prove your point…” and list their next routine. Keep your cool, and watch as they realize you’ve cracked the code to their safe box.
  3. Silent Treatment: Sometimes, silence is golden, especially when dealing with a raging narcissist. Simply fall silent and literally take steps back out until they are out of your sight. Doing so during their self-indulgent rant can leave them, well, speechless. Just make sure you know what’s behind you.
  4. Go Gray Rock: This is your secret weapon when you can’t escape. Become the human equivalent of a gray rock by giving them bland, one-word responses to whatever they say. It’s incredibly frustrating for the narcissist, and they’ll be left scrambling to find a new angle of attack. Find out how to gray rock your narcissistic spouse.
funny things to say to a narcissist
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio, Pexels

30 Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist (Why And When)

Remember to use these lightheartedly and in appropriate situations, as humor (or dark humor) can sometimes be an effective way to cope with narcissistic behavior.

Here are 30 funny things to say to a narcissist:

1. “You must be exhausted from being so amazing all the time.”

(Funny because it’s sarcastic, and they understand sarcasm, albeit a little late. Say this when the narcissist is bragging about their accomplishments.)

2. “Are you a magician? Because every time you talk about yourself, everyone disappears!”

(Funny because it implies the narcissist is boring others. Say this when they’re monopolizing the conversation.)

3. “How do you manage to stay so humble?”

(Funny because it’s sharply acidulous. Say this when the narcissist is boasting about their superiority while downplaying others.)

4. “You should write a book about yourself. It would be a best-seller in the fiction section!”

(Funny because it implies their stories are exaggerated. Say this when they’re telling a story that seems too good to be true.)

5. “You must be a selfie pro with all that practice!”

(Funny because it pokes fun at their self-obsession. Say this when they’re taking yet another selfie.)

6. “Can you teach me how to be as perfect as you?”

(Funny because it’s a classy snark. Say this when they’re bragging about how they never make mistakes.)

7. “You must be an expert in everything!”

(Funny because, yes you know, it’s a pepper jar with the lid off. Say this when they’re acting like a know-it-all.)

8. “Is it lonely at the top of your pedestal?”

(Funny because it pokes fun at their self-importance. Say this when they’re acting condescending.)

9. “You should put ‘Professional Narcissist’ on your resume!”

(Funny in a risky way, because it’s downright caustic and vitriolic. Say this when they’re constantly talking about their superior selves.)

10. “You really know how to make everything about you, don’t you?”

(Funny because it calls out their self-centeredness. Say this when they’re trying to make someone else’s situation about them.)

11. “If you were a superhero, your power would be making everything about you!”

(Funny because it exaggerates their self-focus. Say this when they’re turning the attention back on themselves.)

12. “You must have a hard time fitting through doors with that huge ego of yours!”

(Funny because it pokes fun at their inflated self-image. Say this when they’re acting superior.)

13. “How did you react when you found out the world doesn’t revolve around you? Shocking, right?”

(Funny because it’s poking a bear with a sore head. Say this when they’re acting entitled.)

14. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

(Funny because it references their vanity. Say this when they’re excessively focused on their appearance.)

15. “Your autobiography would be called ‘Me, Myself, and I: The Greatest Story Ever Told.'”

(Funny because it mocks their self-absorption. Say this when they’re talking about themselves non-stop.)

16. “If I had a dollar for every time you talked about yourself, I’d be a millionaire!”

(Funny because it highlights their self-centeredness. Say this when they’re dominating the conversation cutting out everyone else.)

17. “You should start a fan club for yourself. You’d be the president, vice president, and every member!”

(Funny because it pokes fun at their need for admiration. Say this when they’re seeking validation after validation.)

18. “Can you give me some tips on being the center of the universe?”

(Funny because it’s galactically sardonic. Say this when they’re acting like everything revolves around them.)

19. “It must be tough being so amazing and having to deal with us, mere mortals.”

(Funny because it’s tongue-in-cheek. Say this when they’re acting condescending.)

20. “Do you ever get tired of hearing the sound of your own voice?”

(Funny because it implies they talk too much about themselves. Say this when they’re monopolizing the conversation.)

21. “Your favorite song must be ‘You’re So Vain,’ right?”

(Funny because it references their self-absorption. Say this when they’re being overly self-centered.)

22. “You’re like a walking selfie! Always ready for your close-up.”

(Funny because it pokes fun at their vaingloriousness. Say this when they’re overly focused on their looks.)

23. “Did you know that you can’t spell ‘narcissist’ without ‘I’? Coincidence? I think not!”

(Funny because it highlights their self-focus. Say this when they’re making everything about them.)

24. “If you had a superpower, it would be the ability to make every conversation about you!”

(Funny because it exaggerates their egocentricity. Say this when they’re dominating the conversation.)

25. “You should run for president. You’ve already got the ‘Me First’ slogan down!”

(Funny because it mocks their self-importance. Say this when they’re acting entitled.)

26. “You must have a Ph.D. in ‘Me-ology!'”

(Funny because it pokes fun at their extreme self-absorption. Say this when they can’t stop blabbering about themselves.)

27. “You should get a job as a mirror cleaner. You’d never get tired of looking at the reflection!”

(Funny because it highlights their love for their reflection, just like Narcissus – the original narcissist. Say this when they’re excessively focused on their appearance.)

28. “You’re the star of your own one-person show, aren’t you?”

(Funny because it implies they’re the center of their own universe. Say this when they’re acting like everyone around them took some favor from them.)

29. “If you were a planet, you’d be Narcissitron, where everything orbits around you!”

(Funny because it cuts like a knife, and you must be looking over your shoulders from that moment on. Say this when they’re acting as if they’re the center of the universe.)

30. “Do you ever take breaks from being so much in love with yourself, or is it a 24/7 job?”

(Funny because it’s subtle and they may even smile thinking about it later. Say this when they’re acting superior or overly confident.)

What is “word salad” used by narcissists?

“Word salad” is when a narcissist talks in a confusing, circular way on purpose, using lots of words that do not make sense together.

They do this to trick and confuse people, so the person they are talking to feels unsure about themselves.

It is a form of “gaslighting,” which is distorting your reality so that you end up questioning yourself.

Narcissists use word salad

  • if they don’t want to talk about something
  • if someone is trying to point out something they did wrong
  • if they want to win a discussion by confusing others into silence.

Final Words

Narcissists have an overinflated sense of self-importance and self-love. But is narcissism a defense mechanism to protect their ego from pain or inadequacy?

• • •

Author Bio: Dr. Sandip Roy is a medical doctor and psychology writer focusing on mental well-being, happiness, positive psychology, and philosophy. His expertise and empathetic approach have helped many who have faced mental abuse to find happiness and well-being in their lives.


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