10 Unwritten Rules For A Meaningful & Peaceful Life

— By Dr. Sandip Roy.

We get around 3600 weeks to live an entire life.

How many have you already lived? How many are left?

Life becomes more meaningful when we follow some unwritten rules. They help us build stronger connections with others, and ourselves, and let us leave this world a better place.

But why unwritten?

For thousands of years, human societies had rules that were not written down. Our ancestors used them to keep communities together, working in harmony. They were based on trust.

Even today, unwritten rules help us tackle an overwhelming number of situations. A study by Deloitte revealed that 91% of Americans sign user agreements without reading them.

Here are some unwritten rules for life that I wish someone had told me earlier:

1. Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It

Make self-love a priority in your life—it is the foundation of your mental well-being and success in all areas of life.

Self-love is not about being selfish or arrogant. It is about taking care of yourself physically and mentally, respecting yourself enough to set boundaries, and saying no to things/people that are not good for you.

When you love yourself, you are more likely to choose healthier habits, make better choices about spending your time and money, and know when to quit a toxic relationship.

Self-love also makes you more resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks.

• Set boundaries in all your relationships. Learn to say no to things that you don’t want to do or that are not good for you.
• Take care of your physical and mental health. Eat healthy, get regular exercise, and get enough sleep. Take time for activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good.
• Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and be accepting of your imperfections.
• Celebrate your accomplishments. Take the time to appreciate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.

It takes time and effort to learn to love yourself unconditionally. But it is a journey that is well worth taking.

2. Don’t Let Anyone Disrespect You Thrice

Let’s repeat that: Don’t let anyone disrespect you thrice.

Make it your policy not to tolerate disrespect in any relationship. Allowing disrespect repeatedly can make others see you as less worthy, weak, and available for “use and discard.”

Over time, it seriously hurts your self-esteem and worth in the eyes of others.

Set personal boundaries with each person you interact with and enforce them. Boundaries are about what you will and won’t tolerate from others.

• When the first incident of disrespect happens, you may ignore it, giving them the benefit of the doubt.
• Then, when there is a second instance, clearly remind them of your stance and tell them what you will do if they repeat it.
• When it occurs the third time, bring the curtains on the relationship. Your self-dignity is more important than that person’s relationship with you.

Some ground rules:

• Be consistent in enforcing your boundaries.
• Be clear about what is and is not acceptable behavior.
• Communicate your boundaries calmly and assertively.
• Be prepared to walk away from relationships that do not respect your boundaries.

3. Your Thoughts Are Not Always Telling You the Truth

Don’t believe everything you think. Your thoughts are not always telling you the truth.

Your mind can often play tricks on you, giving you a distorted version of reality.

Your thoughts are not always accurate or reliable. Your emotions, your past experiences, and your biases can influence them.

If you believe everything you think, you may end up making decisions that aren’t in your best interest.

For example, if you have a low opinion of yourself, you may have negative thoughts about your abilities and your worth. These thoughts can hold you back from achieving your goals and living your best life.

Or, if you are going through a difficult time, you may have negative thoughts about the future. These thoughts can make you feel hopeless and unmotivated.

Rather, tell yourself this:

“My thoughts are not always true. They are just my mind’s interpretations of the world around me. And interpretations can be wrong.”

If you have a negative thought, don’t automatically believe it. Instead, ask yourself if there is any evidence to support the thought. Is there a more positive way to look at the situation?

4. Don’t Wait for Happiness or Success, Walk Up To Them

Take action toward your goals, and happiness and success will follow.

Happiness and success are not destinations. They are journeys. And the journey begins with taking action.

What are the things that bring you joy and fulfillment? What are your goals and dreams? Once you know what you want, start taking steps towards it.

Even small steps can make a big difference. Use failures to learn, and not dwell on them.

Say you want to be a yoga teacher, but are too shy to go to group coaching, and can’t afford private coaching.

Start by doing one pose a day for just one minute. Then, once you have done it for a week, up it to 2 minutes for the next week.

Take action today. Don’t wait for inspiration to strike or everything to get lined up for you.

The idea is to start so small that you can’t fail.

5. Show Appreciation For The Good Things From Others

Show appreciation to the people who help you, as an unwritten rule.

You’re not just building stronger relationships and a more positive community, you are also telling them that they are important people in your life.

Showing appreciation to others, acknowledging their efforts, and letting them know that we value their contributions makes you a genuinely good person.

At the end of the day, all of us can bask in the warmth of the kind act, feel good about humanity, and pass it on to help others.

• Say “Thank you” without hesitation. It may seem simple, but a sincere thank you can go a long way.
• Be specific. Tell the person what you are grateful for. For example, instead of saying “Thanks for your help,” say “Thanks for helping me with the presentation. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
• Be timely. Express your gratitude as soon as possible after the person helps you. This shows that you appreciate their efforts and that you are paying attention.
• Be genuine. Make sure your gratitude is sincere. People can tell when you are being fake, and it can backfire.

6. Be Present Where You Are Present

• Put away your distractions and focus on the people and the moments that matter.

In today’s fast-paced world, it can be easy to get distracted. We are constantly checking our phones, our email, and social media. But when we are distracted, we miss out on the present moment.

When we are present in our interactions with others, we show them that we value them and that we are interested in what they have to say. We also make deeper connections and build stronger relationships.

• Put away your phone and other distractions when you are talking to someone.
• Make eye contact and listen attentively.
• Ask questions and really listen to the answers.
• Avoid interrupting.
• Be mindful of your body language. Make sure your body language is open and inviting.

Being present is also about respecting people’s privacy. When someone is in private, don’t eavesdrop or try to intrude on their space. It proves that you trust them and that you value their boundaries.

7. Pay Back Borrowed Money Before They Ask

Pay back borrowed money before expected, even if you haven’t been asked.

Paying back money promptly shows you are a person of integrity. It also indicates that you respect the relationship, appreciate their trust, and did not keep their money more than necessary.

When you don’t pay back borrowed money on time, it can create tension and strain in the relationship. It can also make the person who lent you the money worry and feel insecure.

• Set a repayment schedule with the person who lent you the money.
• Stick to your repayment schedule, even if it means making sacrifices.
• If you are having trouble paying back on time, tell them why it’s getting delayed and when you can pay them back.
• Do not lie. Be honest and transparent about your financial situation.
• Show that you are committed to paying back the money, even if it takes longer than you expected.

Paying back borrowed money before being asked reflects maturity and responsibility. It establishes your social trust.

8. Treat Everyone Equally & Fairly

Treat everyone with fairness, kindness, and respect, regardless of their status or background.

Our unwritten rules often guide our decisions more than our written rules. When we treat everyone equally, regardless of their status, we create an atmosphere of fairness and kindness. This atmosphere can ripple out to influence the broader community.

When we treat everyone with respect, we show that we value them as human beings. We also show that we believe in the principles of equality and fairness. This can have a positive impact on the people around us and on the community as a whole.

• Be mindful of your language and actions. Avoid making assumptions or generalizations about people based on their appearance, background, or status.
• Be open-minded and respectful of different cultures and perspectives.
• Be inclusive and welcoming to everyone.
• Stand up against discrimination and bullying.

9. No Relationship Is Promised Forever

No relationship is guaranteed to last forever.

Appreciate your relationships more fully, more mindfully. Enjoy the moments while they last. Put your whole heart into it.

And when it’s done, be flexible and release them from your life.

Relationships can and do change over time, and that is normal. Adapt to life’s changes.

The “No relationship is forever” motto also means you should stop tolerating people who are using you, insulting you, or treating you unfairly. Release the toxic person from your life.

When you make space, the person you want to meet will gravitate into that space.

Don’t try to control the person to be back to their old selves. If they change, that’s their choice – accept it. Either change your expectations or leave them.

• Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Notice the good things about your relationships and appreciate them.
• Spend quality time with your loved ones. Put away your distractions and focus on being present with them.
• Express your love and appreciation for your loved ones. Tell them how much you care about them and what you value in your relationship.

Life can be unpredictable, so always talk to your loved ones. Tell them about your dreams, needs, and emotions, and listen to theirs.

10. A Few More Unwritten Rules For Life

• Walk your talk. When you commit, keep your word. If you point a finger at someone for a thing, do the same for yourself. When you stick to your words, it shows you can be trusted. If you change your plan or opinion, tell them as soon as possible and explain why.
• Don’t ask what you won’t answer. Don’t ask someone a question that you don’t want to answer. Even if it’s okay with you, bracket it with “Can I ask you…? You may refuse, and it would be okay.” And if they ask why you want to know, offer them the genuine reason.
• Say you’re sorry. You will make mistakes and offend others. Say Sorry — it won’t fix the past, but it will tell them that you won’t repeat it in the future. A sincere apology shows you’re willing to admit your fault, take accountability, and commit to keeping the relationship.
• Respect privacy. Don’t share other people’s personal information without their explicit permission. Just because you know someone’s email or phone number, you don’t have to give it to anyone asking for it. This is a sign of respect and trust.
• Handle other people’s phones with care. If someone lets you borrow their phone, only use it for the purpose for which it was lent to you. Don’t go through their messages or photos without their permission. Just see what they’re showing you and return the phone. Don’t swap right or left.
• Mind your table manners. Proper table etiquette shows respect for the people you are dining with. Keep your elbows off the table, don’t talk with your mouth full, pass food to the right, and wait until everyone is served before you start eating. Don’t use your phone so that everyone has uninterrupted time talking to each other.
• Respect sleep. When someone is trying to sleep, avoid making loud noises or disturbing them. Don’t wake up people with a sudden jerk unless it’s an emergency. This is a sign of consideration and respect for their need for rest.

Have more of “awe” experiences. Watch the Milky Way — it’s a stunning sight due to its sheer scale and beauty, especially on a clear, night when the stars are visible in all their glory. The galaxy’s vastness, with its countless stars and celestial bodies, can evoke a sense of wonder and awe when you gaze upon it.

Final Words

Every unwritten rule begins as a solution to a problem. People experiment with various approaches, and the most effective one spreads through society.

Unspoken and unwritten rules are actually social norms integral to human society. They shape our interactions, maintain order, and reflect our shared values. 

Let’s finish this with 3 positive psychology-based tips for success in life:

1. Develop a habit of expressing gratitude daily.
2. Maintain relationships with people who support you.
3. Believe that you can learn from failure and get better at any age.

√ Please share it with someone if you found this helpful.

√ Also Read:

• 15 Keys To Success In Life (With Happiness That Lasts)
• Driving Success: Exploring The Psychology of Motivation
• 12 Sleep Affirmations For Success, Confidence, & Happiness

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