Today's Thursday • 5 mins read
— By Dr. Sandip Roy.
Narcissists tend to get unhappy quite often. Their low moods, called narcissistic dysphoria, typically last a short time.
However, their sad phases typically become intense and relentless as they get older. They can even go into depression.
Why Do Narcissists Feel Sadness: Narcissistic Dysphoria
Narcissists may feel sadness as a result of the following:
1. Grandiosity gap.
Narcissists view themselves as powerful, brilliant, accomplished, irresistible, and invincible. This is grandiosity.
Now, most of their beliefs are untrue. However, if the narcissist finds information that contradicts their beliefs, they will ignore it or reinterpret it.
Even so, sometimes reality hits them hard, and they realize that they are not all that great. This creates a Grandiosity Gap.
Narcissistic dysphoria may occur as a reaction to the Grandiosity Gap.
The narcissist is frustrated when confronted with the gap between his inflated self-image and grandiose fantasies and the bland reality of his life: his failures, lack of accomplishments, disintegrating interpersonal relationships, and low status.
2. Loss of self-worth.
Most narcissists are overly sensitive to criticism or disagreement.
So if others disagree with them on a lot of issues or give them a lot of negative feedback, they may feel a reduction in self-worth. This could make them feel depressed, especially when the critical words come from a trusted and long-term source of narcissistic supply.
The narcissist also feels resentful about his vulnerability and his extreme dependence on feedback from others. This type of depressive reaction, therefore, stems from a mutation of self-directed aggression.
3. Loss of narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic dysphoria may also be a reaction to the loss of one or more sources of narcissistic supply.
The term “narcissistic supply” describes a type of attention or admiration that the narcissist requires to maintain his or her self-image as grandiose and exceptional.
4. Grief of permanent loss.
The next phase of narcissistic dysphoria is an acute and deep depressive phase. The narcissist is now grief-stricken over the permanent absence of his narcissistic supply.
This deep dysphoria actually energizes the narcissist, motivating them to seek new sources of narcissistic supply.
5. Self-punishment.
Deep inside, the narcissist hates himself and doubts his own worth.
He condemns his desperate addiction to narcissistic supply. He judges his actions and intentions harshly and sadistically.
This unlimited source of self-chastisement, self-doubt, and self-directed aggression yields numerous self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors.
They can give in to reckless driving, substance abuse, constant depression, and thoughts of suicide.
Narcissistic Depression
Narcissism is considered to be a form of depressive illness. Some describe narcissism as a form of “low-intensity” depression.
Sigmund Freud linked narcissism to depression by suggesting that both involve a fixation on the self.
Freud said the narcissists’ excessive self-love leads to a lack of empathy and loss of connection with others, which can result in melancholia or depression. He believed that narcissistic neuroses were particularly resistant to psychoanalytic treatment.
Experts who work with narcissists say the life of a narcissist is a series of intermittent bouts of dysphoria, anhedonia, and clinical forms of depression (cyclothymia, dysthymia).
Although the distinction between exogenous (reactive) and endogenous depression is no longer considered valid, it is still useful in the context of narcissism.
Narcissists not only react with depression to life crises, but also to fluctuations in narcissistic supply and to a circumstantial inability to express their dominant psychosexual type (cerebral or somatic)
That being said, there is still no proof from science that long-term depression is connected to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or narcissism.
How Does A Narcissist Get Out of Sadness
What can lift the narcissist from deep misery to the heights of manic euphoria is just one dose of Narcissistic Supply.
A narcissist gains a sense of self-worth by receiving attention from others, which is their narcissistic supply.
Any threat to the uninterrupted supply of his supply compromises his psychological integrity and his ability to function. To the narcissist, it is a threat to their very existence.
The narcissist’s ability to confabulate grand stories about themselves is what saves them from themselves.
However, a narcissist’s dysphoric (or euphoric) phase does not interfere with their occupational functioning. Narcissists tend to function flawlessly most of the time.
The narcissist’s gregariousness is calculated, “cold,” controlled, and goal-oriented. They are social and friendly for the sole purpose of extracting narcissistic supply.
Final Words
Narcissists can be sweet or brutal to others, but they are never likable to themselves.
Many narcissists end up schizoid, delusional, or paranoid. In some cases, to avoid an oncoming depression, they may give up on life itself.
A narcissist is a human pendulum hanging from an invisible thread attached to a false ego.
But, while narcissism is a rational choice based on self-preservation, it is also a reversible choice that can save many self-hating narcissists from self-destruction.
√ Also Read: What happens at the end of a narcissistic relationship?
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