20 Signs of A Narcissist: Narcissistic Behaviors & Traits

✅ Today's Thursday • 📖 23 mins read

— By Dr. Sandip Roy.

Of the many psychological traits associated with narcissists, three lie at the center:

1. an inflated sense of self-importance,
2. a persistent need for admiration, and
3. a lack of emotional empathy toward others.

Narcissists can be grandiose. They are the extreme ones who brag arrogantly, act god-level superior, and dismiss others as if they don’t matter. They are relatively easy to spot.

Or they can be the vulnerable narcissists. These are called covert or hidden narcissists. They are the less extreme types, who do not openly dominate or brag, but still do some weird things.

Whatever their type, narcissists always find time to worship their larger-than-life self-image. Self-worship makes them feel better, especially when others stop valuing them.

20 Traits of A Narcissist: Narcissistic Behavior Red Flags

The traits below exist on a spectrum, from subclinical narcissism (“everyday narcissists”) to full Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Not all narcissists have all of these traits, or display them to the same extent. But most of them show enough of it, and consistently enough, that psychologists see a pattern.

Twenty Signs of A Narcissist

1. Grandiosity and Inflated Self-Importance

Narcissists truly believe they are superior to others.

They see themselves as more intelligent, refined, deserving, or morally elevated than those around them. This belief shapes how they judge others and decide who deserves respect and who does not.

They expect that wherever they go, their presence should command special attention. They assume their opinions carry extra weight.

Being overlooked can make them sad, frustrated, and even angry. They can quickly get defensive and irritable when someone disagrees with them, does not make them feel special, or treats them as ordinary.

Their feeling of superiority has nothing to do with results or evidence. They can easily exaggerate their role in outcomes.

Research shows narcissists do not equally desire all forms of fame and express a desire for fame only when it feels attainable. This suggests they seek recognition that confirms their importance, rather than attention that carries risks of failure or exposure. — Giacomin & Battaglini, 2018

When reality fails to reflect their stated superior status, they blame others for being blind, unfair, or incapable of recognizing their worth. Over time, this often hardens into resentment.

A common late-life narcissistic regret is that the world failed to value their supposed talent and greatness.

2. Fragile Self-Esteem

Despite their outward confidence, narcissists have fragile self-esteem.

Their sense of worth depends heavily on validation, admiration, and reassurance from others. Without it, they quickly feel exposed or diminished.

This fragility drives many of their behaviors, including control, defensiveness, and hostility when their image is threatened.

3. Lack of Empathy

Narcissists are emotionally detached. They lack genuine emotional empathy.

Your narcissist may understand what you feel on an intellectual level, but they do not emotionally register your pain in a way that restrains their hurtful behavior.

They may appear caring or concerned when it benefits their image or helps them avoid consequences. But when their actions cause harm, they feel little true remorse or guilt.

Empathy fades quickly when it conflicts with their needs, control, or self-image.

4. Strong Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists, by nature, have a strong sense of entitlement.

“Entitlement” means believing one deserves special treatment or recognition, even when they have not done anything to earn it.

Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment, attention, and obedience wherever they happen to be. They especially like it when rules and norms are bent to give them what they want.

They expect others to adjust, accommodate, and prioritize their needs without question. When their expectations are not met, they consider it disrespect or injustice.

This quickly turns into resentment, pressure, or punishment toward the person who failed to serve their entitlement.

5. A Need for Control

Narcissists have an instinct to control others. They feel happy when they’re impressing others with their opinions, stories, and achievements.

This need for control is a mechanism to stabilize their shaky self-esteem.

You see them steer conversations, choices, and emotions to keep people dependent and off balance. They also tend to micromanage relationships and surroundings, and insist on the last word in decisions and outcomes.

They use control tactics, like gaslighting and calculated charm, to build a flawless image and secure narcissistic supply.

They feel control is slipping away and grow anxious when others question them or ignore them. And respond with anger, defiance, or manipulation.

Sometimes when they escalate, the sudden force of their voice can quiet the room. At other times, they withdraw. Both moves are to reassert dominance and silence opposition.

6. Exploitation of Others

A core pattern in narcissism is using people for personal gain. Some argue narcissists don’t know otherwise.

Narcissists are often generous at first, but they quickly withdraw from genuine reciprocity. They treat relationships as give-and-take transactions, taking far more than they give.

If they are accused of being “one-sided,” they will pull out past favors to even the score.

What makes this especially painful is their attitude toward giving:

• Anything that you give them or do for them, they believe they are entitled to it.
• Anything they do for you, they expect you to owe them the favor and be forever grateful for.

7. Love Bombing, Triangulation, and Hoovering

These three tactics mark different stages of the narcissistic relationship cycle, but they share one purpose: keeping you emotionally off balance and focused on the narcissist.

Love bombing happens at the start. It is an overwhelming flood of attention, affection, and flattery designed to create rapid bonding before you have had time to assess the relationship clearly.

Constant messages, extravagant gestures, declarations of deep connection after only days or weeks. It feels extraordinary because it is designed to.

Researchers have linked love bombing to narcissistic mate-retention strategies: a fast, high-intensity investment that secures commitment early (Strutzenberg et al., 2017). The tell is the pace: genuine intimacy builds gradually, but love-bombing arrives all at once.

Triangulation comes once the relationship is established. The narcissist introduces a third party to provoke insecurity, jealousy, or competition. This might look like casually mentioning how much an ex admired them, comparing you unfavorably to someone else, or creating ambiguity about their loyalty.

The goal is to keep you destabilized and focused on earning their approval rather than evaluating their behavior. In family and workplace settings, a narcissist may pit people against each other while positioning themselves as the person whose favor is worth competing for.

Hoovering follows discard. Once the relationship has ended and the narcissist has been left, they often reappear with renewed intensity: apologies, declarations of change, and reminders of what was good between you.

This is hoovering, an attempt to hoover you back into the relationship. It feels warm at the time, but rarely do they actually do it because they want to reconnect genuinely.

If the person they discarded has moved on and appears to be doing well, the narcissist’s need to reclaim them intensifies. They desperately want to restore their supply.

8. Predatory Relationship Patterns

Narcissists approach relationships with a focus on control, benefit, and supply.

Narcissists are known to link with influential people to enhance their self-image and status.

They value people for what they provide, whether attention, status, loyalty, or emotional labor. Partners and family members are expected to serve these needs consistently.

When usefulness declines, warmth fades. Relationships are often discarded rather than repaired.

9. Gaslighting

Gaslighting by narcissists often starts with outright denial of facts you clearly remember. They insist events “never happened” or say you’re “imagining things,” which makes you doubt your memory and perception.

They also rewrite past events to shift blame, presenting a version of the story where you are at fault while they are blameless.

They minimize your feelings, calling you “too sensitive” or “overreacting” whenever you raise concerns, and use selective truths and omissions to construct a narrative that favors them.

They frequently project their own behavior onto you, accusing you of the manipulation or cruelty they themselves display. Sometimes they gaslight publicly, undermining you in front of others so your reputation and confidence steadily erode.

10. Bullying of Vulnerable People

Narcissists often bully the vulnerable. They can dehumanize, intimidate, or humiliate people they perceive as fragile, inferior, or less protected.

Actually, narcissists have a low and fragile sense of self-esteem. To cope with it, they constantly feed it with a sense of being better than others. And the easiest way to do so is to “show” others as less: less good-looking, less brilliant, less efficient, less sophisticated, or anything less.

But they are aggressive only towards the weak ones. Around those who hold power, this hostility disappears (and a self-preservation motive kicks in).

So, narcissists are sycophantic to the powerful but bullies to the gentle.

11. Arrogance and Hostility

Narcissists respond to disagreement with arrogance and hostility.

They approach conflict as a threat rather than a conversation. Challenges to their views are taken personally and often met with aggression, sarcasm, or intimidation.

Admitting fault feels intolerable to them. Hostility becomes a way to protect their ego and shut down further challenge.

12. Sensitivity to Criticism

Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism.

Even mild feedback can feel like a severe insult to their person. So they react defensively, dismissively, or with anger to any critique.

This sensitivity exists because criticism threatens to puncture their inflated self-image, which they rely on to feel stable. Even in private, they would rather grumble about the feedback than reflect on it.

13. Denial of Responsibility

Almost always, narcissists refuse to take responsibility whenever their actions lead to negative outcomes.

Their default is to deflect blame, rewrite events, or accuse others of causing the problem. Accountability feels dangerous because it exposes flaws they cannot tolerate.

Even with clear evidence, such as when they are caught cheating or lying, they will reject ownership. For them, preserving their self-image matters more than honesty or repair.

14. Magical Thinking & Reality Distortion

Narcissists often distort reality to protect their self-image. They live in a fantasy world created by self-deception and magical thinking.

They rewrite actual events, deny past statements, or selectively remember facts in ways that favor them. This distortion helps them avoid confronting mistakes or limitations.

It also feeds their grandiosity, letting them avoid the painful truth of facing their “averageness.”

Over time, this creates confusion and self-doubt in those around them.

15. Envy and Projection

Narcissists frequently struggle with envy.

Rather than acknowledging it, they project these feelings onto others, accusing them of jealousy or hostility. This allows them to avoid facing their own insecurity.

Narcissistic projection serves as a psychological defense that protects their fragile self-esteem while shifting the moral weight of their feelings onto someone else.

16. Condescending Attitude

Narcissists carry a condescending attitude, as if they are looking at you from a higher plane.

Their tone, expressions, and remarks carry subtle or open contempt. They talk down, dismiss opinions, and treat others as less informed.

They belittle your achievements, rarely say anything nice about you, and always find something to criticize you about.

Over time, their condescending attitude cuts down your confidence and convinces you not to question or challenge them. This allows them to feel like they are more powerful or more successful.

“Narcissists glorify themselves by putting others down; it is their psychological defense against painful feelings of being average and ordinary.” – Dr. Roy

Narcissists inferiorize others to elevate themselves.

17. Superficial Emotional Bonds

Narcissists form relationships that lack emotional depth.

They may appear socially engaged, but true emotional intimacy feels uncomfortable or unnecessary to them. They avoid sharing their vulnerability for fear of being exploited.

Those close to a narcissist often feel emotionally drained, unseen, and replaceable, even when the relationship appears functional on the surface.

18. Self-Centeredness & Attention-Seeking

Self-Centeredness: Narcissists place themselves at the center of most situations. They come first, every time.

Their interactions and decisions revolve around their needs, feelings, and preferences. Other people’s perspectives matter only when they align with what the narcissist wants.

Their self-centeredness blinds them to the impact of their actions on others. Over time, this leaves others feeling invisible or emotionally neglected.

Attention-Seeking Behavior: Narcissists crave attention and admiration.

They often redirect conversations toward themselves, highlight their achievements, or dramatize experiences to stay in the spotlight. Being seen and noticed helps regulate their self-esteem.

When attention fades, they may escalate their behavior to regain it.

19. Overestimation of Abilities

Narcissists routinely overestimate their abilities and competence.

They believe they are more skilled, insightful, or capable than they truly are. Confidence replaces preparation, and self-reflection feels unnecessary.

When reality exposes gaps between belief and performance, they deny failure or shift blame. Admitting limitations feels too destabilizing to their self-image.

Narcissists also tend to think they are more popular than their peers when they are actually not. Research shows that though they may initially attain the status and popularity they crave, they lose them later (Carlson & DesJardins, 2015).

Almost all of narcissistic self-belief is an overestimation.

20. Disregard For Other People’s Boundaries

Narcissists have an inbuilt disregard for the boundaries of other people.

They treat other people’s physical, emotional, and moral limits as negotiable. So they will often test how much they can get away with before you react.

They will routinely trespass on your boundaries, walk into your personal space without permission, and annoy you at your trigger points. This is called reactive abuse.

7 Sins of Narcissism

Clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss marks these out in her groundbreaking book on narcissism, Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Sins of Narcissism.

1. Envy. Narcissists constantly compare themselves to others. They feel personally threatened by other people’s success. Their envy often turns quiet resentment into subtle sabotage, dismissal, or devaluation.
2. Arrogance. Arrogance is their armor. It protects their fragile sense of worth by projecting superiority and certainty. Beneath the grand presentation sits a chronic fear of being exposed as ordinary or less than that.
3. Entitlement. Narcissists expect automatic special treatment. Rules apply to others, while exceptions apply to them. When entitlement goes unmet, irritation quickly escalates into anger or contempt.
4. Exploitation. Relationships are their tools to draw supply or enhance self-image. They value people for what they provide, whether attention, status, or emotional labor. Once usefulness declines, their warmth and concern fade.
5. Shamelessness. Narcissists often seem shameless and unbothered about violating social or personal boundaries. Yet beneath this surface lies intense shame sensitivity. When their self-esteem is injured, they may erupt in rage and offload their shame onto others through blame and projection.
6. Bad Boundaries. They struggle to recognize or respect other people’s personal space and choices. They intrude, control, or withdraw without warning. Other people’s needs feel irrelevant unless they serve the narcissist’s self-image.
7. Magical Thinking. Narcissists create fantasies to protect their self-esteem. They tend to romanticize their lives, casting themselves and select others in idealized roles. This inner narrative shields them from feelings of inadequacy, failure, or limitation. Many are drawn to belief systems that promise success, fame, or validation without sustained effort, such as certain forms of pseudoscience or manifestation thinking. When reality contradicts these fantasies, they dismiss the evidence or construct new explanations to preserve the illusion.

How To Spot A Covert Narcissist?

While grandiose narcissists openly brag, you would likely notice these in a covert narcissist:

• They often humblebrag.
• They tend to fish for compliments or validation.
• They bring up their achievements when you share your wins with them.
• This person becomes restless or sulky if they don’t receive attention, praise, or special treatment.
• They are quick to go on the defensive when their ideas, opinions, or actions get criticized or challenged.

A Narcissist’s Language

Can you tell a narcissist from their language? This study suggests you can, as highly narcissistic people tend to:

• Use more words overall.
• Use more swear words (e.g., “damn”).
• Frequently employ auxiliary verbs (e.g., “will”).
• Show less agreement in their speech.
• Use more aggressive and disagreeable words, leading to poorer quality relationships with others.

It is not difficult to spot a grandiose narcissist in a group; they often exude an attitude of superiority and boast about their accomplishments, qualities, or possessions in a crowd-pleasing way.

In contrast, some psychopathic narcissists may give you a chilling, unblinking stare from a distance, known as the sociopathic stare, which signals that they want you under total control.

Is Donald Trump A Narcissist?

When NYT’s Maureen Dowd and Patrick Healy talked about Donald Trump’s approach to power during his second term, they made comments on his narcissistic traits:

• Need for Admiration: Maureen Dowd says Trump seeks worship rather than approval. She notes that the language at the convention and inauguration framed him as “a divine creature,” reflecting his long-standing desire to be revered, especially by elites whose respect he still craves.
• Desire for Control and Power: Dowd contrasts Trump’s first term, when he was often dismissed, with his current posture of dominance, calling him “a master and commander of the entire fleet.” Patrick Healy adds that Trump’s hunger to be worshiped is closely tied to how he understands power.
• Self-Centered Leadership Style: Dowd describes Trump’s governing approach as “monomaniacal.” She says he has “subsumed the idea of governing with his personality,” reducing leadership to impulse, self-focus, and personal desire rather than institutional norms.
• Narcissistic Outburst: Dowd warns that giving extreme narcissists unlimited attention can unleash unchecked behavior. “The one thing you really don’t want to do with extreme narcissists is give them everything they want,” she says, as it invites a narcissistic outburst of exceptional force.
• Lack of Empathy: Dowd compares Trump’s administration to the Greek gods, describing it as cruel, capricious, and self-serving. Decisions often appear detached from human consequences, driven more by narcissistic impulse than concern for others.
• Vindictiveness and Resentment: Trump is described as deeply sensitive to slights. He “never forgets a slight,” holding grudges and seeking revenge against critics or those he sees as disloyal, turning challenges into personal scores to settle.
• Manipulation of Fear: Patrick Healy says Trump has played effectively on public fear, especially around the economy and immigration, as a tool to command attention and control.

Why do narcissists believe they are larger than life?

Narcissists perceive and maintain a belief in a larger-than-life image of themselves because:

• They create and become obsessed with a godlike, perfect version of themselves. This self-worship serves as a compensation for their deep-seated feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and low self-worth.
• The grandiose persona they project acts as a defense mechanism, a fragile facade designed to conceal their profound shame, self-loathing, and fears of being unlovable or ordinary.
• Their narcissistic traits (entitlement, lack of empathy, and need for excessive admiration) stem from an underlying sense of emptiness and a desperate attempt to construct an idealized self-image to protect their fragile egos.
• Beneath the arrogant, self-absorbed exterior lies a tormented individual, haunted by feelings of inferiority and intense envy of others.
• Their relentless pursuit of narcissistic supply (attention, power, and status) is a futile attempt to fill the void within, a black hole of insecurity that can never be satisfied.
• The more they strive to convince the world of their superiority and uniqueness, the more they reveal their tragic inability to love and accept their true, flawed selves.

Deep down, narcissists know how embarrassingly average and unspecial they are.

Researchers support it:

• Back and colleagues (2013) note that narcissists use self-enhancement or self-protection strategies to sustain the grandiose self, in their narcissistic admiration and rivalry concept (NARC).
• Morf and Rhodewalt (2001) explain Narcissism as the dynamic process of creating and maintaining a grandiose self.

How is narcissism diagnosed?

The DSM-5 requires a person to have at least five of the following to be diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):

1. A grandiose sense of entitlement, that is, exaggerates achievements and talents, and expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.
2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. A belief that they are special and unique, and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people.
4. A need for excessive admiration.
5. A sense of entitlement, that is, unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.
6. Interpersonally exploitative behavior. They are someone who takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
7. A lack of empathy, that is, a person who is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him/her.
9. A show of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.

NPD can only be diagnosed by a qualified mental health clinician.

NPD is a part of Cluster B personality (disorders marked by inappropriate and volatile emotionality, unpredictable behavior, and struggle to maintain relationships). Cluster B personality disorders:

1. Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)
2. Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
3. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
4. Histrionic personality disorder (HPD)

How many types of narcissists are there?

Many experts feel that narcissists can be of six types. Two main types are:

1. Grandiose narcissists. Highly self-centered. Use a lot of “I, me, mine” statements. The Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) measures grandiose narcissism by asking subjects if they agree with statements like, “I am a special person” or “I am more capable than other people.” (Raskin & Terry, 1988).
2. Vulnerable narcissists. Also called covert narcissists. Usually keep their self-centeredness “hidden.” Their vulnerability is often associated with various personal and social problems (Kaufman et al., 2020; Miller et al., 2011).

How common is NPD?

NPD affects about 1 in 200 people.

• NPD has a global lifetime prevalence of 6.2%.
• NPD affects around 0.5 percent of US adults.
• 75% of those diagnosed with NPD are men.
• Narcissism appears in the early-20s to mid-20s.
• Once it sets in, it is typically lifelong and may get worse in middle or old age unless treated.
• Positive life events, such as new achievements, secure relationships, and manageable setbacks, can lead to a significant reduction in pathological narcissism over time (Ronningstam et al., 1995).

Narcissism In Children & Adolescents

Narcissism is moderately heritable (Vernon & Villani, 2008).

• Children are born with narcissistic tendencies. Babies mostly do things to get food and love.
• Narcissistic tendencies usually fade as children grow up. However, some children may become more narcissistic during adolescence.

A 2015 study found that narcissism levels have been increasing among Western youth and contributing to societal problems such as hostile behavior.

This study found that narcissism type was predicted by specific parenting styles:

• Parental overprotection (“helicopter parenting”) and parental overvaluation were associated with greater grandiose narcissism.
• Parental leniency was associated with more vulnerable narcissism.

The children seem to partly acquire narcissism by internalizing parents’ inflated views of them (e.g., “I am superior to others” and “I am entitled to privileges”).

High narcissism in young people can also contribute to depression, anxiety, low self-worth, self-harm attempts, and poor-quality relationships (Narcissistic traits in young people, 2020).

History of Narcissism

• The concept of narcissism can be traced to the Greek myth of Narcissus.
• When the egoistic hunter Narcissus rejects Echo’s love, the Gods condemn him to fall in love with his own reflection. He sees his image in the water, but each time he tries to touch it, the waves would make it disappear. He withers away, transfixed, longing for his unreachable self-image.
• Psychologists came to identify the traits of Narcissus as narcissism. In 1898, Havelock Ellis, a British medical doctor, was the first to classify narcissism as a mental disorder.
• Sigmund Freud wrote a famous essay on narcissism in 1914: On Narcissism. He suggested narcissism was a normal stage in child development, but becomes a disorder when it occurs after puberty.

NPD vs. NPT

NPT is a milder form of NPD.

Books on Narcissism

• Narcissism: Living in the Age of Entitlement (2009) by Twenge & Campbell
• Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed (2014) by Wendy Behary
• The Narcissist Next Door: Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office (2014) by Kluger
• Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist (2015) by Ramani Durvasula
• The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists (2017) by Joseph Burgo
• The Narcissist’s Playbook: How to Identify, Disarm, and Protect Yourself (2019) by Dana Morningstar
• The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free (2019) by Julie Hall
• Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD (2020) by Foster

Research On Narcissism

1. The Dark Side of Leader Narcissism: The Relationship Between Leaders’ Narcissistic Rivalry and Abusive Supervision. Gauglitz & Schyns, 2022.
2. Narcissism Today: What We Know and What We Need to Learn. Current Directions in Psychological Science. Miller & Back, 2021.
3. The link between narcissism and hostile behavior: A meta-analytic review. Kjærvik & Bushman, 2021.
4. Factors influencing TikTok engagement behaviors in China: An examination of gratifications sought, narcissism, and the Big Five personality traits. Meng & Leung, 2021.
5. Making CEO Narcissism Research Great: A Review and Meta-Analysis of CEO Narcissism. Cragun & Olsen, 2020.
6. Collective Narcissism and Its Social Consequences: The Bad and the Ugly. de Zavala & Lantos, 2020.
7. The “Why” and “How” of Narcissism: A Process Model of Narcissistic Status Pursuit. Grapsas & Brummelman, 2020.
8. Narcissism and problematic social media use: A systematic literature review. Casale & Banchi, 2020.
9. Raising Children With High Self‐Esteem (But Not Narcissism). Brummelman & Sedikides, 2020.
10. Clinical Correlates of Vulnerable and Grandiose Narcissism: A Personality Perspective. Kaufman & B., Weiss, 2018.

Final Words

Narcissism is common, and most people encounter someone with narcissistic traits at some point. Many don’t know how to handle these controlling, self-centered individuals.

Remember: a relationship with a narcissist is inherently unequal. You will often feel like the “lesser” person.

“Narcissists want positive feedback about themselves, and they actively manipulate others to solicit or coerce admiration from them. Accordingly, narcissism is thought to reflect a form of chronic interpersonal self-esteem regulation.” — Encyclopedia Britannica

√ Also Read: How To Heal From Narcissistic Abuse: 10 Evidence-Based Recovery Steps

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