Truly, What A Narcissist Does At The End of A Relationship?

What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship can be very troubling, but if you know what they can do, you may protect yourself.

Narcissists are often manipulative, controlling, and unempathic, which makes ending a relationship with them ever so difficult. Breaking up with them can be emotionally draining.

They react poorly to breakups, becoming combative, passive-aggressive, and hostile.

They try to control the situation by refusing to accept the breakup, not giving you closure, or using guilt or trickery to convince you to stay.

In some cases, narcissists may even resort to stalking or harassment to maintain control over their ex-partner. In such times, you must take steps to protect yourself, like seeking a restraining order or involving law enforcement if necessary.

With knowledge about their default behaviors, you can move forward from the toxic relationship and begin your healing process.

What Does A Narcissist Do When A Relationship Ends

1. The Narcissist Will Blame You For Everything

According to the narcissist, it’s almost always the other person’s fault when a relationship with a narcissist comes to an end.

They will go to great lengths to avoid taking any responsibility for the failure of the relationship. Worse, they will shift the blame to their partner for everything that went wrong.

This behavior is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder.

It almost murders their ego to accept any blame.

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep-seated need for admiration. They believe that they are always right and that everyone else is wrong.

When something goes wrong in a relationship, they cannot even passingly acknowledge that they might have played a role in the failure. Their go-to response is to look for someone else to accuse.

The narcissist’s need to blame their partner serves two purposes.

• First, it protects their fragile self-esteem. If they can convince themselves and others that they are not to blame for the end of the relationship, then they can maintain their grandiose perception of themselves.
• Second, it gives them leverage to try and convince others to empathize with them.

Please note that when a narcissist blames their partner for the end of a relationship, it is nearly never a reflection of reality.

It is simply a way for them to protect their fragile ego and maintain their sense of superiority.

Of course, normal mortals like us realize that relationships are complex and multilayered, and it is never just one person’s fault if a relationship fails.

If you find yourself in a situation where a narcissist is blaming you for the end of a relationship, first stay calm.

Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict, so the more you can remain calm and collected, the less power they will have over you.

Do not hold yourself responsible for their behavior, and always use your power to walk away from the situation.

2. They Will Resort to Manipulative Tactics

When a narcissist is faced with the end of a relationship, they will often resort to manipulative tactics to maintain power and control over their partner.

This can involve a wide range of behaviors, from gaslighting to guilt-tripping, and can be incredibly damaging to the victim’s mental health.

One common tactic used by narcissists is to blame their partner for the failure of the relationship.

They may twist the facts and make it seem like everything is the victim’s fault, even when this is not the case. This can lead to feelings of guilt and self-doubt, making it harder for the victim to move on.

Another manipulative tactic used by narcissists is to make lofty promises to change their behavior.

They may claim that they will seek therapy, stop drinking, or stop cheating, but these promises are often empty. Once the victim is back under their control, the narcissist will revert to their old ways.

[Find out how narcissists treat their ex.]

Narcissists may also badmouth their partner to everyone around them, trying to turn others against them and make them seem like the villain.

This can be incredibly isolating for the victim, who may feel like they have no one to turn to.

Overall, victims of narcissistic abuse should recognize these manipulative tactics and seek help from a qualified therapist or counselor.

It can be incredibly difficult to break free from the control of a narcissist, but with the right support, it is possible to move on and heal.

3. Make Empty Promises To Change

Narcissistic people often struggle with self-doubt and a lack of empathy, which can make it difficult for them to maintain healthy relationships.

At the end of a relationship, a narcissist may make empty promises to change in an attempt to win back their partner.

These promises may seem sincere at first, but they are often just ploys to manipulate their partner into staying with them.

These people are skilled at using charm and persuasion to get what they want, and they may use these tactics to convince their partners that they are capable of change.

The truth is, narcissists rarely change their behavior. They may make temporary adjustments to their behavior to keep their partner around, but they are unlikely to make any lasting changes.

If a narcissist makes promises to change, recognize that this behavior for what it is: a manipulation tactic.

You may find it difficult to resist their charm and persuasion since they know what attracted you to them in the first place.

Be cautious if a narcissist is making loads of flowery promises to change. Their promises are most likely hollow.

Sometimes, they may genuinely want to change but are unlikely to be successful without professional help.

But they must first recognize and accept their bad behavior before they can get help, which is hard to do.

4. Try To Control The Breakup Narrative

When a narcissist senses a relationship is about to end, they will often try to control the narrative of the breakup.

This is because they want to maintain their image as the perfect partner and avoid any blame for the relationship’s failure.

One way a narcissist may try to control the narrative is by refusing to accept responsibility for their own actions.

They will do everything in their power to ensure that the breakup is seen as the other person’s fault, not theirs.

They may blame their partner for the relationship’s problems and refuse to acknowledge any role that they played in the breakup.

This allows them to maintain their “clean and innocent” image as the perfect partner who cannot be held to criticism or blame.

The narcissist may also try to spread rumors or lies about their partner.

They may tell mutual friends or family members that their partner was unfaithful or abusive, even if those allegations are completely false.

They intend to discredit their partner and make themselves look like the victim by doing so.

In the narcissistic abuse pattern, as soon as the narcissist has trapped you with love-bombing, they often feel entitled to control their partner and their partner’s actions. This can extend to the breakup as well.

The narcissist may try to dictate how and when the breakup should happen, and what the terms of the breakup should be.

They may even try to force their partner to stay in the relationship by threatening them or manipulating them emotionally.

Ultimately, the narcissist’s desire to control the breakup narrative is rooted in their need for validation and admiration. They want to be seen by the world as the perfect, blameless, and docile partner.

5. Use Jealousy and Revenge As Tools

At the end of a relationship, a narcissist may use jealousy and revenge to manipulate their partner.

They may try to make their partner jealous by flirting with other people or talking about their new love interest.

They use this tactic to make their partner feel insecure and to gain control over them.

Jealousy is a common tool used by narcissists to maintain control over their partners. They may use jealousy to keep their partner from leaving them or to make them feel guilty for wanting to end the relationship.

They can carry this out by talking about other people they are interested in or by making their partner feel like they are not good enough for them.

By making their partner feel jealous, the narcissist can feel powerful and in control of the relationship.

They may also use revenge as a way to punish their partner for leaving or rejecting them.

Revenge is another tool used by narcissists at the end of a relationship. If their partner leaves them or rejects them, the narcissist may seek revenge as a way to punish them.

This can be done in a variety of ways, such as spreading rumors about their partner, destroying their property, or even physically harming them.

The narcissist may feel justified in their actions because they believe their partner has wronged them in some way.

The use of jealousy and revenge by a narcissist can be a form of emotional and psychological abuse. This type of behavior can have a lasting impact on the victim and can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

If you or someone you know is experiencing narcissistic abuse, don’t hesitate to seek help from a qualified mental health professional.

6. Demand Persistent Attention From You

Narcissists crave attention and validation. They want to be the center of attention at all times, and when a relationship is ending, they become desperate to maintain that attention.

They will demand persistent attention from you, even if it means creating drama or causing emotional distress.

The narcissist’s ego is fragile, and they need constant validation to feel good about themselves.

They will try to keep you hooked by showering you with compliments, gifts, and affection. They may also use guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and manipulation to get you to stay.

Remember, the narcissist’s demands for attention are not about you. It’s about their own insecurities and the need for validation.

You are not responsible for their emotional well-being, and you should not sacrifice your own mental health to appease them.

If you try to distance yourself from the narcissist, they may become angry and lash out. They may try to make you feel guilty for abandoning them or threaten to harm themselves.

Expect their wrath and set boundaries, and make them stick to them, even if it means cutting them off contact completely.

7. Try To Suck You Back In With Hoovering

When a narcissist loses control over their partner, they may resort to manipulative tactics to regain power.

One such tactic is hoovering, which refers to the narcissist’s attempt to suck their former partner back into the relationship.

Hoovering can take many forms, including emailing, texting, calling, or showing up unannounced at the victim’s home or workplace.

They may use a variety of techniques to manipulate the victim, including flattery, promises of change, and guilt-tripping.

One common hoovering technique is the “I miss you” or “I want to be friends” approach.

The narcissist may try to convince their former partner that they have changed and are ready to start anew. They may also try to make the victim feel guilty for leaving by emphasizing how much they are suffering without them.

Another hoovering technique is the “pity play,” in which the narcissist portrays themselves as a victim in need of the victim’s help.

They may claim to be sick, broke, or in some other kind of crisis, and ask for the victim’s assistance. This approach is designed to make the victim feel needed and important and to create a sense of obligation to the narcissist.

Hoovering, however, is not a genuine attempt to reconcile or make amends. It is a manipulative tactic designed to regain control over the victim.

Victims of hoovering should be wary of falling back into the narcissist’s trap and should seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

8. Making it Difficult For You To Move On

When a narcissistic relationship comes to an end, it can be incredibly difficult to move on.

Narcissists are known for their manipulative and controlling behavior, and they will often go to great lengths to make it difficult for their former partner to move on.

One of the ways that narcissists do this is by continuing to contact their ex-partner after the relationship has ended.

They may send text messages, call, or even show up unannounced at their ex-partner’s home or workplace. This can make it difficult for the person to move on and heal from the trauma of the relationship.

The circulation of lies about you can make you an undesirable choice for potential partners.

They try to make their ex-partner look bad to others in an attempt to damage their reputation. This can be incredibly hurtful in professional and personal lives, and makes it difficult for people to move on and rebuild their lives.

Narcissists may also try to make their ex-partner feel guilty for ending the relationship.

They may use emotional manipulation to try to get their ex-partner to come back to them, or they may try to make them feel like they are responsible for the end of the relationship.

In some cases, narcissists may even try to sabotage their ex-partner’s new relationships.

They may try to turn their ex-partner’s friends and family against them, or they may try to sabotage their ex-partner’s new romantic relationships by spreading rumors or lies.

All of these tactics can make it incredibly difficult for someone to move on from a narcissistic relationship.

9. Flaunting or Hiding Their New Relationship

When a narcissist ends a relationship, they often move on quickly and start a new one.

In some cases, they may flaunt their new relationship in front of their ex-partner as a way to hurt them and make them jealous.

This behavior is particularly common if the narcissist feels that their ex-partner has moved on or is doing well without them.

Flaunting a new relationship can take many forms, such as posting pictures on social media, introducing the new partner to mutual friends, or even showing up in public places with their new partner.

They may also make comments that belittle their ex-partner or suggest that their new partner is better in some way.

On the flip side, some narcissists may hide their new relationship from their ex-partner.

This behavior is more common if the narcissist feels that their ex-partner still has feelings for them or if they are trying to keep their options open.

The narcissist may go to great lengths to keep their new relationship a secret, such as avoiding public places or using a fake name on social media.

Hiding a new relationship can also be a way for the narcissist to maintain control over their ex-partner. This keeping their ex-partner in the dark is a way to continue to manipulate and emotionally abuse them.

The narcissist may use their ex-partner’s jealousy or insecurity to their advantage, making them believe that they still have a chance to get back together.

In either case, it is important for the ex-partner to recognize that the narcissist’s behavior is not a reflection of their worth or value as a person.

The narcissist’s actions are driven by their own insecurities and need for control.

Whenever dealing with a narcissist, focus on their own healing and moving on, rather than getting caught up in the narcissist’s games.

10. Fighting and Getting Back At You

When a narcissist senses that a relationship is ending, they often react with anger and aggression (narcissistic rage).

They may become argumentative and confrontational, picking fights over small issues.

This behavior is an attempt to regain control and power over the other person, as the narcissist cannot handle the thought of losing their source of narcissistic supply.

Other than fighting, a narcissist may also try to get back at their partner in various ways (shadow fighting).

They may spread lies and rumors about them, try to ruin their reputation, or even engage in revenge affairs. These actions are all part of their need to feel superior and to maintain their image as flawless and faultless.

This behavior is a form of narcissistic abuse, which can be incredibly damaging to the victim.

The narcissist’s anger and aggression can cause the victim to feel afraid, anxious, and unsafe.

The lies and rumors can damage their reputation and relationships with others. And their revenge affairs can cause immense emotional pain and trauma.

Victims of narcissistic abuse must seek support and help from a therapist or support group. They need to learn how to set boundaries and protect themselves from the narcissist’s manipulations and abuse.

It’s also crucial that they understand that the narcissist’s behavior is not their fault and that they deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

11. Guilt-Trip You Into Staying

One of the tactics that a narcissist might use to manipulate their partner into staying in a relationship is guilt-tripping.

They might try to make their partner feel responsible for the relationship’s failure and convince them that they are the only person who can fix it.

The narcissist might use phrases like “you’re giving up on us” or “you’re abandoning me” to make their partner feel guilty for even considering leaving.

They might also bring up past events and twist them to make their partner feel like they owe them something.

In some cases, the narcissist might even threaten to harm themselves if their partner leaves. This is a form of emotional manipulation that can be incredibly difficult to deal with.

Realize that a narcissist’s guilt-tripping is not a bait to bite into. It’s a tactic they use to control you. If you feel guilty, remind yourself that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s behavior.

If you are considering leaving a relationship with a narcissist, have a support system in place. This might include friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate the difficult emotions that come with leaving an abusive relationship.

You deserve to be in a healthy and loving relationship. Don’t let a narcissist guilt-trip you into staying in a toxic situation.

12. Seeking Revenge After the Breakup

When a narcissist experiences a breakup, they may be filled with a sense of anger and a desire for revenge.

This is because they feel like they have been wronged and that their ex-partner is to blame for the end of the relationship.

The narcissist may also feel a sense of humiliation and shame, which can intensify their desire for revenge.

One way that a narcissist may seek revenge after a breakup is by engaging in a smear campaign against their ex-partner.

They may spread rumors and lies about their ex in an attempt to damage their reputation and make them look bad. This can be particularly damaging if the narcissist has a large social network or is well-respected in their community.

Another way that a narcissist may seek revenge is by ignoring their ex-partner completely.

They may refuse to answer their calls or respond to their messages, leaving their ex feeling hurt and confused.

This can be a particularly effective tactic if the narcissist knows that their ex still has feelings for them and is hoping for a reconciliation.

In some cases, a narcissist may even resort to physical violence or stalking in an attempt to seek revenge. This is particularly dangerous and should be taken very seriously. If you feel that you are in danger, it is important to seek help immediately.

Seeking revenge is never a healthy or productive way to deal with a breakup.

Instead, take the time to heal and move on from the relationship in a healthy way. This may include taking support from friends and family, engaging in self-care activities, and seeking professional help if needed.

13. Controlling How the Relationship Ends

When a narcissist decides to end a relationship, they often try to maintain control over the situation.

They may try to control how the breakup happens, where it happens, and what is said during the breakup. This control is an attempt to maintain their power and avoid feeling vulnerable.

One way a narcissist may try to control the breakup is by blaming their partner for the relationship’s failure.

They may try to incite guilt and shame in their partner, which can make it more difficult for the partner to leave the relationship.

By blaming their partner, the narcissist can maintain their grandiose perception of themselves and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Another way a narcissist may try to control the breakup is by manipulating their partner into staying in the relationship.

They may promise to change their behavior, offer gifts or other incentives, or use emotional manipulation to convince their partner to stay. This manipulation is an attempt to maintain their power and control over the relationship.

In some cases, a narcissist may try to control the breakup by threatening their partner. They may threaten to harm themselves or their partner if the relationship ends. This threat is an attempt to maintain their power and control over the relationship and to avoid feeling vulnerable.

Overall, a narcissist’s desire for control can make ending a relationship with them incredibly difficult.

Recognize the narcissist’s behavior early on and take steps to protect yourself during the breakup process.

14. They Will Try To Keep You Tied Down

At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often try to keep their partner tied down.

They may use a variety of tactics to maintain control and power over their former partner. These tactics can include emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, and even threats.

One way they do this is by making promises to change their behavior. They may promise to seek therapy or to work on their issues, but these promises are often empty.

Narcissists are notorious for their inability to change, and it is unlikely that they will suddenly become a different person after a breakup.

Another way that they may try to keep their partner tied down is by badmouthing them to others.

They may spread lies and rumors about their former partner in an attempt to damage their reputation. This can be especially damaging if the narcissist has a large social circle or is well-respected in the community.

Narcissists may also try to keep their partner tied down by refusing to accept the breakup.

They may beg and plead for their partner to come back, or they may try to guilt-trip them into staying in the relationship.

They may use emotional manipulation to make their partner feel like they are the only one who can save them from themselves.

In some cases, a narcissist may even resort to threats in order to keep their partner tied down. They may threaten to harm themselves or others if their partner leaves them, or they may threaten to ruin their partner’s life in some other way.

15. Use Threats of Self-Harm To Manipulate You

Narcissists are known for their manipulative tactics, and one of the ways they may try to control their partner is by threatening self-harm.

This can be a powerful tool for the narcissist, as it can make their partner feel guilty and responsible for their well-being.

The narcissist may use this tactic when their partner tries to leave the relationship or set boundaries.

They may threaten to harm themselves in order to make their partner stay or give in to their demands. This can be a very effective way to manipulate their partner, as it can make them feel responsible for the narcissist’s well-being.

These threats are often empty, and the narcissist may not actually intend to harm themselves. However, it’s still important to take these threats seriously and seek help if you’re concerned for their safety.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist who is using threats of self-harm to manipulate you, inform others, set boundaries, and seek support.

Don’t let the narcissist make you feel responsible for their well-being, and don’t give in to their demands out of guilt.

Remember, it’s not your responsibility to fix the narcissist or make them happy. They can seek help from a therapist to fix themselves.

Consider ending the relationship if the narcissist is unwilling to change their behavior.

16. Refuse to Take Responsibility For Their Actions

When the narcissist’s relationship comes to an end, they often refuse to take responsibility for their actions. This behavior is a hallmark of people with strong narcissistic traits.

They avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes and instead blame others for the relationship’s failure.

Narcissists often deny their role in the relationship’s downfall, even if it is evident that they played a significant part.

They may rewrite history and make excuses to avoid taking responsibility. This behavior is an attempt to maintain their grandiose perception of themselves and to avoid any feelings of guilt or shame.

Moreover, narcissists may try to shift the blame onto their partner and incite feelings of guilt and shame. They may spin the narrative to make their partner feel responsible for the relationship’s failure.

This tactic allows them to maintain their sense of superiority and gives them leverage to convince others of their innocence.

It is not uncommon for narcissists to gaslight their partner, making them question their own reality and memory.

They may manipulate the situation to make their partner believe that they are the ones responsible for the relationship’s demise.

This behavior is a way for the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility and maintain their sense of superiority and avoid any feelings of guilt or shame.

17. Cutting You Off to Maintain Control

When a narcissist ends a relationship, they often resort to cutting off all communication with their former partner.

This is a tactic used to maintain control over the situation and the other person.

By cutting off communication, the narcissist is essentially saying that they have the power in the relationship and that the other person is not worthy of their attention.

Cutting off communication can take many forms. The narcissist may block their former partner’s phone number, email address, and social media accounts.

They may also tell mutual friends and family members not to speak to the other person or to pass along messages.

In extreme cases, the narcissist may even move away or change their phone number to avoid any contact whatsoever.

This behavior is all about power and control. The narcissist wants to make sure that they are the ones in charge, and that their former partner has no say in the matter.

By cutting off communication, they are essentially saying that they are the ones who get to decide when the relationship is over, and that the other person has no choice but to accept it.

For the person on the receiving end of this behavior, it can be incredibly difficult to deal with. They may feel hurt, confused, and angry at being cut off so abruptly.

They may also feel powerless, as if they have no control over the situation.

FAQs

Final Words

At the end of a relationship with a narcissist, it is common for them to have the last word. This is because they need to feel in control and maintain their sense of power over their former partner.

Three takeaway messages are:

1. Narcissists may try every tactic they know to take control and inflict pain.
2. They often use blame-shifting, guilt-tripping, or spreading lies and gossip.
3. Don’t believe everything they say – they may lure you back in with excessive flattery and fake promises.

• • •

• How To Make a Narcissist Fear You (50 Available Strategies)
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• Can Sociopaths Love: The Truth About Sociopathic Love
• 20 Female Narcissist Cheating Patterns: The Typical Traits

• • •

Author Bio: Researched and reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy — a medical doctor and psychology writer, with a unique focus on mental well-being, positive psychology, narcissism, and Stoicism. His empathic expertise has helped many mental abuse survivors find happiness again. Co-author of ‘Critique of Positive Psychology and Positive Interventions’.

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