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— Reviewed by Dr. Sandip Roy.A female narcissist is turned on when people fall for the make-believe persona she painstakingly built to make people like them.
With live video filters on social media platforms like Reels and TikTok, she can now appear extremely gorgeous.
So, essentially, a narcissist gets turned on when they know you are implicitly and explicitly under their control.
By the way, when a narcissist can’t control you anymore, they behave in certain toxic ways.
Here are some of the things that turn on a female narcissist:
1. You Being Obedient To Them
Narcissistic women are turned on when you are obedient to them, much like a well-trained dog.
She may even take pride in their “dog” and may ask you to do ridiculous things for them just to make sure that you are totally under their control.
She may even encourage you to act like a dog in your intimate relationship, such as barking “sweet little woofs.”
She enjoys bragging to others about how obedient you are to her. It’s not uncommon for her to ask you to carry her sandals while she walks on the ground.
2. Your Excessive Dependence On Them
She gets turned on when she realizes you depend on them for all your major and minor life decisions.
She may even boast to others what a “kid” you are who can’t take care of yourself without them.
The narcissist woman may even get offended when you do things on your own, without any dependence on them.
Even after you have left her, you may find it frustrating that you still have some peculiar behaviors she ingrained into you.
She might have habituated you to avoid a specific date. So now, even when you have a scientific temperament, you may be afraid to start a project on the 13th of the month.
3. You Buying Them Expensive Stuff
She loves being talked about for their bling. She never misses a chance to show off her shiny jewelry to get people talking about it.
But what really turns them on is when you buy them that stuff. She loves it when you pay for her shopping sprees.
She may even fake being offended or upset to get you to buy them gifts. Or take them places, like exotic holiday destinations and exclusive Michelin-starred restaurants.
4. You Are Enamored By Them
She loves that you are enchanted with her. She gets turned on when you tell her that she looks great even when she’s angry. It massages her self-importance and boosts her self-worth.
Your gestures secure her narcissistic supply.
The narcissist woman lover instinctively understands what captivates your interest. So she designs the ideal lover mask and will perfectly embody that persona you desire.
She feeds off your love for them. Your remaining hooked on her charms delights them.
She can unsuspectingly take on the role of the best lover you’ve ever had. She can keep being that fake self successfully for years. All of their role plays will happen to charm you.
However, deep inside she might be quite sick of playing the role because it is a tiring job keeping up a false facade.
5. You Are Their Puppet
Being a puppet to your narcissistic lady may appear to be the same as being subservient to her, but it is not.
Being their puppet means she can manipulate you into doing and saying things ‘to others’ that she wants.
She often gets you to confirm your love for them before asking you to do something bad to someone else.
Narcissists lack emotional empathy.
So, your narcissist can teach you not to help someone out of kindness or compassion. She might make you stop being charitable to people and causes you have been donating for years.
The only exception is when you give her your spotlight when volunteering in a community. She would like you to keep doing that.
Only after you’ve left them, years later, do you understand what a pawn you’ve been to them for acting so cold-heartedly toward your relatives and friends.
6. You Praise Them And Their Achievements
A narcissist is ecstatic to hear you sing odes to them.
In fact, she might even remind you to praise them since you haven’t done so in a while.
Another way she draws praise from you is to withhold certain duties or responsibilities from you. When you ask her why, her ready response is often:
“I am good for nothing. I’m worth nothing to you. You don’t praise me anymore.”
Of course, you’ll want to make her feel better by telling them about her superlative abilities, great looks, and high popularity.
They get immensely turned on when you praise her publicly—it works like magic.
So, you will often find her waiting for you to declare to all gathered in your party how your life would have been a failure without her. She loves every bit of that attention.
7. She Loves To Cheat On You
She is highly likely to cheat on you.
Cheating in a relationship excites a narcissist. It’s because controlling more than one person into loving them makes them feel more powerful.
You may take it as a given that a narcissistic woman who seduced you will also charm others.
She may not be proactively unfaithful to you and may not make advances, but she may give in to the advances of another person.
When you find out, she will be ready to lay the entire blame on you.
And since she loves drama, you should be prepared for the most agonizing drama of your relationship.
Traps of The Female Covert Narcissist
A female covert narcissist is attracted to two types of partners — another narcissist or someone with the following characteristics (DAPH):
- D — Devotee: Someone who will love the narcissist with full heart and devotion, and make her feel special on demand.
- A — Authentic: Someone with good repute and character, who is reliable, keeps their promises, and does what they say.
- P — Protector: Someone with a strong protective instinct, self-driven to protect loved ones.
- H — Helper: Someone inclined to help others and be of service, somewhat heroic.
The Luring Phase:
- She unleashes her fun, smart, and enticing side to fire up your emotions and drive.
- She uses sex as a weapon to love-bomb you.
- She shows her vulnerable side, making you feel like the only one who can save and understand her.
- She lists out your insecurities, fears, and secrets to later use against you.
The Reeling-In Phase:
- She pulls away slightly, creating a scenario where you hurt her or express fear of being hurt.
- She repeatedly makes you reassure her, playing on your integrity, so you can never break the promises.
- You promise never to hurt her, and she gets you anchored with promises.
The Anchoring Phase:
- She tests you by throwing bombshells to prove your integrity.
- The abusive push-pull cycle begins — pulling you in for attention, then crushing your worth.
- She separates you from friends/family, grows insanely jealous, and threatens to leave for control.
- You become responsible for her happiness while receiving nothing in return.
7 Common Female Narcissistic Traits
- Appearance Obsession: Female narcissists tend to be obsessed with their appearance, often resorting to photo-filters, cosmetic procedures, and plastic surgeries. She craves attention and recognition for her looks. If someone outshines them, it can trigger intense narcissistic jealousy, leading to aggressive or demeaning behavior.
- Seduction: A narcissistic woman is skilled at using her sexuality to her advantage. She is the “siren” — a seductress using her beauty and charm to lure potential mates — selectively targeting men of high value, wealth, or status. She will act her best self in the presence of her desired targets.
- False Confidence: Her poise comes from proving herself superior to others. She loves to belittle the accomplishments of others — which gives her confidence and masks her deep-seated insecurities.
- Money Obsession: Money equals status and power for narcissists. Female narcs are often reckless spenders. She loves excessive spending on flashy items without any shame or remorse, even if it ruins her (or her partner’s) finances.
- Infidelity: Like black widow spiders, narcissists attract potential mates to idealize them, only to eventually neglect, punish, or abandon them when their own insatiable needs cannot be met. Unpredictable moods and pride also make fidelity a major issue.
- Unhealthy Parenting: Narcissistic mothers often pick a “favorite” child to nurture their narcissistic traits, while leaving others feeling inadequate (and even failures). They treat their children as extensions of themselves, where the child’s accomplishments reflect the mother’s superiority.
- Competition: They can design competitions out of situations and will fight tooth and nail to prove their supremacy. Narcissistic females battle others for dominance, whether at work or home. The more “wronged” they are, the greater the outrage and drama to claim their peak position.
Final Words
Narcissists are usually both:
- Egoistic (excessively self-centered or selfish, prioritizing their own interests and needs above others), and
- Egotistic (excessive tendency to boast or brag about their own achievements or qualities).
Those two qualities are often more pronounced in female narcissists. In fact, if you ask them, they may not even be modest about being a narcissist.
But even when narcissists know what they are, they will never consider changing for the better.
√ Also Read:
- What Happens To A Narcissist In The End (Better or Worse)?
- How To Make A Narcissist Jealous & Envious, For Sure?
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